


Pulling You Back

by only_iKON7



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:02:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 46,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22110748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/only_iKON7/pseuds/only_iKON7
Summary: “If it’s not gonna matter in 5years then don’t spend more than 5 minutes being upset about it.”
Relationships: Goo Junhoe/Kim Jinhwan
Comments: 13
Kudos: 27





	1. Already Gone

**Author's Note:**

> The title of each chapter is a song title that describes the entirety of each chapter. I'd also appreciate it if you can listen to them while reading it. ^_^

Chapter I: _Already Gone_

_-Sleeping At Last-_

_“Started with a perfect kiss_

_Then we could feel the poison set in_

_Perfect couldn’t keep this love alive”_

_-_

_It hasn’t changed a bit._

Jinhwan takes a deep breath and softly presses his eyes close. He tightened his grip from his luggage handle before slowing down his steps going outside the arrival area. It’s been a while since he left Seoul, and now here he is breathing the Seoul air he misses so much.

His eyes scan the area when the automatic slide door opens. He is looking for one man. Someone he is expecting to welcome him with a warm tight hug and an annoyingly cute ‘I miss you’.

_There he is._ Jinhwan says in his head.

He flashes a wide smile as he walks towards the tall man who is almost running to his direction too.

“Hyung!” A bright smiling man shouts.

Jinhwan can see his eyes through his sunglass. The man wraps him around his arms tightly he is almost out of breath.

“Hyung! I miss you! I’m so happy you come back!”

“Ya! I can’t breathe.” Jinhwan slightly taps out the young man’s back to signal him.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I am just so happy to see you again.” Jinhwan can see a little tear forming in the younger’s eyes.

“Me too, Yunhyeong-ah. Thank you for picking me up today. I didn’t want to bother you but—” His words are cut short because Yunhyeong immediately speaks.

“Hyung, I’m so glad you called me. Wow, it’s really been what? —”

“Five... It’s been 5 long years, Yunhyeong-ah. But Seoul hasn’t changed a bit and either do you. Why are you wearing fancy clothes and a… sunglass? I am supposed to look like someone who just got back, not you.”

Jinhwan teases him looking Yunhyeong intently from head to toe. Yunhyeong is wearing a denim jacket with his black inner shirt and black pants completed with his gold Rolex wrist watch and Gucci handbag.

“Hyung! Of course, I want to brag myself.” Yunhyeong says and he slowly leans forward to whisper on Jinhwan.

“I am a commercial model now. I don’t want people to recognize me that’s why I wear this.” He explains and pointed his sunglass as disguise.

Jinhwan airily laughs before answering. “You are already making it obvious, Yunhyeong-ah.”

“That’s what I’m saying, hyung. Haha! Anyway, let’s go. I know you’re tired from your flight.” Yunhyeong reaches Jinhwan’s luggage and helps him push it.

“Japan is not that far Yunhyeong-ah. I can go home after we catch up. How about we have lunch first before you drop me home?”

“Deal.”

\---

Jinhwan fondly staring outside the window enjoying the sceneries passing by his eyes. Japan is beautiful, but being home is much prettier, he thinks. He almost regrets running away five years ago. He doesn’t think his younger self would be that coward only to find himself away and lonely. If only he could have been braver, there would be a huge difference in the last 5 years. Who knows? He might have been living a happy life with…his lover.

Jinhwan’s train of thoughts is interrupted when Yunhyeong breaks the silence.

“How’s Japan, Hyung? Is it that good? It took you 5 years to come home. I almost thought you’d never come back.”

As usual, Yunhyeong is still nosy as ever which makes him smile. He turns his head to his narcissistic best friend and replies.

“It’s good. Really nice. Noona was so happy to see me there back then.”

“I heard she went back here 3 years ago. I thought you’re coming with her, but you did not. Why? Do you plan to live there for good?” Yunhyeong glances at him before focusing back his eyes on the road.

“I…I thought I would.” Jinhwan hesitantly answers.

“Then, why did you come back? I mean I am happy of course. I just thought, you won’t.”

Jinhwan feels heavy in his chest with Yunhyeong’s question. He motions his head back to look outside the window. After a minute of silence, he speaks.

“I know. I thought so too.” Softly, he answers.

_Why am I even here again?_ Jinhwan asks in his mind.

\--

“Having a commercial model best friend has its perks. I can eat expensive steak anytime I want.” Jinhwan teases while enjoying his well-done beef steak.

There’re so much Korean dishes on the table too. Since he misses it so much, he requested everything he can eat as per Yunhyeong’s advice.

“I am only doing this today since it’s your first day here in Korea in 5 years. The next time we have lunch, it’s your treat. You should pay me back for leaving your best friend behind 5 years ago.” Yunhyeong points at him pretending to be a little upset about what happened which he totally understands.

“I don’t earn as much as you, Yunhyeong-ah.” He states while savoring the soup and the kimchi.

“I doubt it. Seiyeon Noona is so generous. I bet she compensate you more than just her business manager. You’re her baby brother after all.”

Jinhwan lets out a sharp sigh and smiles at Yunhyeong for bringing up the ‘baby brother’ thing again knowing he hates it.

“Ya. It has been 5 years, stop calling me her baby brother. I am not. Okay?” He tries to sound annoyed. “And I am jobless person as we speak so I need you to help me find any job I can do.” He adds.

“Who comes back in Korea without any plans? It’s not like you, hyung. You are always the organized one, clumsy at times for sure, but you always have everything laid out in order.” Yunhyeong responds and sips on his white wine.

“I know…I know.” Jinhwan answers in his softest voice.

“I can recommend you to be a product model too, what do you think?” Yunhyeong offers him an option.

“Really? Do you believe I can make the cut?” Jinhwan asks.

“Hyung, I know I’m more handsome than you, but yeah. Of course!”

They both laugh at Yunhyeong’s comment because they both feel nostalgic about how they tease each other like it hasn’t been 5 years.

After their 5-year-worth of catching up, Yunhyeong drops Jinhwan to her sister’s house. That was where he lived before when her sister settled down in Seoul and he was still studying. It is empty for 5 years since he moved to Japan to follow his sister.

“Thank you, Yunhyeong-ah.” Jinhwan sweetly smiles at his friend now standing in front of his doorstep with him.

“Are you sure you don’t want help in cleaning the house?” He asks.

“No. It’s okay. I don’t want to labor you when you have a shoot tonight. I already took up too much of your time.” Jinhwan sincerely replies.

“Hyung, I can ditch 1 or 2 shoots for you. I don’t want to miss any chances. You might leave…again.”

Yunhyeong’s sad voice sends invisible needles pricking his chest. He can tell how gloomy his friend looks right now.

“I won’t leave without telling you first. I promise.”

Jinhwan is caught off guard as Yunhyeong hugs him tightly again. He almost wants to cry because he truly misses his best friend so much. But he holds himself because he hates it when he cries in front of anyone.

“Off you go now. You have to rest before your shoot.” He breaks the hug and bids his goodbye before unlocking his main door.

He takes a deep breath before turning the knob and pushes the door open. It really is empty and feels so empty. He turns on the lights and memories flood in his head as the interior of their house welcomes him. The furniture is covered with white large cloth. He can almost breathe the dust in and the smell of the house reminds him that it has been 5 years. He never thought he’d come back again.

He starts to settle his luggage first in his room and changes to his comfortable clothes. He sharply sighs as his eyes skim the entire house. He rolls up his sleeves, put his long hair in a bun, and starts the general cleaning. He uncovered the sofa first and all other furniture with the white cloth and sweeps the entire living room and kitchen. He scrubs the floor, the walls, and even cleaned up the ceiling full of spiderwebs. His sweat is dripping down his face and chest as he looks for their old vacuum cleaner. He finds it in the storage room and checks if he can still use it. He plugs the power and presses the on button.

“There you go.” He utters when the vacuum finally works. He is almost done vacuuming the living room when he hears the doorbell ringing.

His eyebrows knit when he sees that mailman in front of their gate. He puts aside the vacuum and confusedly walks outside.

“Hi, Sir. Are you Kim Jinhwan?” The man in his late 20s asks.

“U-uhm…Yes.” He answers still dazed.

“There’s a scheduled letter for you, Sir. Can you receive it and sign here please?” Jinhwan still hasn’t grasp the situation but signs the electronic machine the man showed him.

“W-wait, are you sure this is mine? Is it really addressed here? Do scheduled mails even works until now?” He asks simultaneously.

The man scratches the back of his head before answering him. “Yes, Sir. I am just a deliveryman. I deliver it to the address written there.”

He awkwardly bows and smiles as the man rides back his motorcycle and flees from the main gate.

Jinhwan tilts his head left and right still contemplating what the mail could be. He is trying to think hard whether he sent his self a letter before. He isn’t expecting anything to be sent out to his address since everyone who knew him already knew he flew to Japan. Even…him probably knew.

He takes a seat on the newly cleaned sofa and breaths deeply before tearing the envelop. He is feeling weird just opening the envelop and he doesn’t know why.

His hand stops, and he feels cold sweat on his face when he sees the first few words written. His chest tightens and his breathing shallows. He bites his lower lip and he looks away for a second before placing his gaze back to the letter.

****

His stomach churns when his eyes see when the letter was dated.

_June 1, 2014_

He immediately reaches his phone from the small table and checks the date. His heart aches when he remembers what’s the meaning of the date.

_June 1, 2019. Today is exactly 5 years ago…_ Jinhwan says in the back of his mind.

He takes another deep breath to calm himself before continuing his reading. Though he is feeling mixed emotion about the letter, he bites his lower lip a little harder to get himself together.

_June 1, 2014_

_Hi Babe.  
  
First things first, this is awkward. I never thought that I can write such thing. It’s been a tough journey for us, huh? Sorry for being a constant pain in the ass. LOL. I thought of writing this after me and Hanbin talked earlier. He asked me if I know what is the ‘5 by 5 rule’, and I said no. So, he explained what it is - “If it’s not gonna matter in 5years then don’t spend more than 5 minutes being upset about it.” Then it hits me - Will you still matter to me after 5years? And I know in just a skip of a heartbeat that my answer will be always ‘Yes, you do, and you always will.’  
  
Today, I love you more than yesterday. But not as much as I will tomorrow. From the day that I’ve met you, I never wanted to spend another more day without you. You motivate me to be better, to be more of me, to not feel worried about the small things, and to experience life to the fullest. I want to hold your hand, laugh with you, walk next to you, snuggle on the couch, look into your eyes, talk about everything and kiss your face every damn day.   
  
Does this sound like a proposal already? Hahaha. If ever you’ll received this after 5years (which I hope so) and we are still together, then look for me in our house, wake me up if I’m still asleep, knock me in the bathroom if I’m taking time in the shower, hug me from behind if ever I’m in the kitchen and cooking your favorite dish or maybe washing the dishes - whatever I’m doing or wherever I am, just look for me and wave this letter at the front of my face in exchange for your engagement ring. Are you already cringing? So, do I. Hahaha.   
  
But..  
  
If you receive this and we’re already separated or apart from each other for whatever reason it could be - Please do always remember that I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART. I will always love you Nani. You were always mine, I just had to find you. Please find me too and run back to my arms. But if I ever refused to, just pull me back._

_Your Love, Koo Junhoe_

_PS: Don’t forget to bring me my favorite hot bars! I love you Nani._

****

A lone tear falls from Jinhwan’s eye. He blinks them away and breaths in his mouth. He feels like a lump is caught in his throat that makes him hard to breathe. He looks up and gasps for more air. He brushes his tear away and clears his throat. He walks to the kitchen and drinks a glass of water to stop himself from giving in to whatever he is feeling at the moment. He supports his body by towering both of his arm on the kitchen table.

_Junhoe-ya…_

He hurtfully calls out his ex-lover’s name in his head which pains his chest even more. He lifts the letter that is still in his left hand and stares at it blankly. Is this even real? Is this some kind of a prank? Did Yunhyeong pull this trick?

In the thought of his best friend he hurriedly grabs his phone from the living room again and dials his number as he sits again in panic.

“Ya! Did you do this? It’s not funny, Yunhyeong-ah.” He explodes upon hearing Yunhyeong answering the call and not even waiting for him to say a word.

“Hyung, what are you talking about?” His friend sounds confused.

“The letter! Did you send this to me because you know I’m coming today?” Jinhwan accuses since the only person he calls to inform his arrival is his best friend. He doesn’t even expect to hear anything about Junhoe anymore.

“What do you mean? I don’t understand you. Are you having a jetlag? Your jetlag is really unique, hyung. Stop throwing tantrums. Just rest.” Yunhyeong answers in his calm tone knowing his best friend is always full of mood swings.

Jinhwan hears the sincerity from his voice and believes Yunhyeong won’t do such prank. He is too old-fashioned and maybe he even doesn’t know schedule letters exist.

“You really did not pull a prank on me?” He asks for confirmation one last time.

“Hyung, you know you’re being weird right now. We both need rest, remember? Now go. I’m hanging up.”

After that, Yunhyeong ends the call. Jinhwan is left confused and hurt by the words he just read in the letter.

“Did you really write this letter…Junhoe-ya?” He utters in the empty house.

He can feel the unexplainable rushing of his emotions. A moment later, the sweat covering his face is replaced by the flowing tears from his eyes.

_Why am I crying? Why can’t I stop myself from crying?_

He asks himself. He can feel the grip inside his chest and hurt slowly feels real. He is having shortness in breath and he finds himself sobbing in an empty house, alone.

“No, I can’t beat myself over this unknown letter. Junhoe hasn’t even written one for me before.” Jinhwan looks firm on his words.

Minutes passed, he still stares at the letter confused not only about it but also how he reacted. Why would he cry over a 5-year old letter? Who knows, this might not even come from Junhoe. Sure, the handwriting is undeniably similar but still. His thoughts are interrupted when his phone rings. He sees Yunhyeong's name on the screen and he is quick to answer it. 

"Hyung." Yunhyeong says on the other line. 

"I'm sorry, Yunhyeong-ah. I lashed out a while ago." He apologizes for acting strange on his best friend.

"That's why I called back. Are you okay? Something happened right? What is it?" The voice on the phone is soft and a little concern. 

Jinhwan sighs before he responds. "A letter came to me earlier. It was a scheduled letter and guess what?" He narrates. 

"What? I'm not good at guessing game, hyung."

"It was from Junhoe. He wrote it five years ago on our first anniversary and had it sent to me five years later and today is--" Jinhwan's sentence is cut off when Yunhyeong finishes the sentence for him like how best friends’ minds are connected. 

"Today is your fifth anniversary. I mean…supposed to be. Wow. Does that really exist?" Yunhyeong sounds like someone who doesn't believe it either. 

"I know. That's why I thought you pulled a prank on me. No one knows I'll be in Korea today except you. I'm sorry." Jinhwan says. 

"I understand, hyung. I must've reacted the same. So, what's in the letter?" Yunhyeong pry. 

"I'll read it to you." He replies and starts to read the letter. He struggles to voice out each word but he needs to. 

After he finishes reading, he hears Yunhyeong exhaled sharply before speaking. 

"Hyung… I think you need to know something." Yunhyeong claims and it sends fear on him. He feels nervous about it. 

"To know what, Yunhyeong-ah? Tell me." He almost sounds desperate. 

Few seconds passed before Yunhyeong starts. 

"Remember Bobby? Junhoe's friend?" 

"Yes. What about him?" He asks. 

"He told us what happened a week before you left."

Jinhwan's stomach hardens with the sudden revelation from his best friend. His grip on the phone tightens. 

"W-what happened?" His voice is almost shaking. 

"He told me what really happened on the day you saw that incident with Junhoe. He even mentioned Junhoe thought he saw you that day but could not confirm it until the day you left and saw the last entry from your journal." 

Jinhwan wrinkles the bottom of his shirt upon hearing those words. He starts to feel something squeezing his heart already. He wasn't ready for this truth. 

"W-what happened?" He nervously asks. 

Yunhyeong lets out a loud sigh before narrating the details of the truth Jinhwan had never heard before. 

After hearing the real reason behind Junhoe's action that brought him so much terror and fear, his guilt skyrocketed even more, and his heart couldn't take it. Why did he leave him without asking Junhoe why he did that? Why he never gave Junhoe a chance to explain the things he saw that day. Now that Yunhyeong revealed it all to him, he wanted to run to Junhoe. Tell him he was a fool for turning his back because he was scared. That he didn't trust his feelings for Junhoe more than anything. He wasted five years. Five years of happiness and the letter sent to him would have meant so much if only he put his faith in their love and relationship. 

"Junhoe would never do such horrible thing, hyung. I just hoped you trusted him first before anything else. Junhoe loved you so much, hyung. You always know that." Yunhyeong says as his last piece of truth. 

Another pair of tears start to fall down from his eyes. His heart is wrenching with the truth he just heard. 

"Yunhyeong-ah. Why didn't you tell me that sooner?" He wants to get mad, but he knows it is only his regret starting to kick in. 

"You are nowhere to be found, hyung. No one even knew you're leaving. You cut us all off even after a year you left. We can't get a hold of you and I already forgot about it before. It just came to my mind after you read the letter. I'm sorry."

Yunhyeong's last two words hit him real hard. He is supposed to be the one saying sorry, but he just made his best friend say it instead. 

_You're so selfish, Jinhwan. I'm so stupid._

He scolds himself in his mind knowing that nothing's gonna ever change anything now. 

"No… I should be the one saying sorry. I'm sorry and…. thank you for telling me this." He sincerely says. 

"Hyung…" Yunhyeong only calls him out softly. 

"Where can I find Junhoe?" He firmly questions. 

"What? Are you sure about that?" 

"Please. I only want to confirm something." He convinces his best friend. 

"I don't want you to get hurt, hyung." He can hear the worried tone in Yunhyeong's voice. 

"I already sacrificed 5 years of us, Yunhyeong-ah. It wouldn't hurt less if I find him again."

It takes his best friend 10 seconds before answering him. 

“He’s working at 777 Club.”

“I need exact address, Yunhyeong-ah. Please.” He replies in his soft tone this time. He hears his friend sighed before answering again.

“I’ll ask Chanwoo the exact address and text it to you, okay? Are you sure you’re okay? I didn’t expect you to—never mind. I’ll text you the address right away.”

Jinhwan feels thankful that Yunhyeong tells him everything. 

“Thank you, Yunhyeong-ah.”

After 3 minutes, his phone vibrates, and he immediately opens the message.

_From: Yoyo_

_House Number: 23014_

_Hannam-dong, Yongsan-gu_

_Do u want me to come w u?_

_\--_

_To: Yoyo_

_No, it’s ok. Thanks!_

After replying to Yunhyeong, he instantly changes his clothes and rushes outside. He doesn’t care about being impulsive anymore. He needs to confirm this letter once and for all. He spent 5 years away from Junhoe to move on and this letter coming to him almost like fate won’t help him any better.

His thoughts are wandering in all directions, trying to get some explanation and answers.

_Do I really have to see him? It is from 5 years ago. Does this matter now?_

He continues to contemplate as the bus is running faster than average speed and his heartbeat rides the pace of it. He’s feeling heavy inside but determined to get his answer.

_What are you doing Jinhwan? You don’t need to do this. You left him, do you think he will give you answer that easily, let alone see you again?_

Another side of his brain tries to snap him out from the emotion he has which can lead him to another heartbreak.

“Hannam-dong.”

His debate ends when he hears the driver shouted. He slightly bows to him while looking at the rearview mirror before getting off the bus. He looks left and right to check which is the right way to go. It’s been five years and today is only his first day in Korea which makes his sense of direction a little blurry.

After 5 minutes of searching, he sees the building and hastily walks inside. He presses the 23rd floor and fidgets inside the elevator. Good thing, he is alone. His chest pounds as the number displayed on the elevator progresses. He’s trying to dry his wet hands from nervousness when the elevator sounds resonated inside.

When he finally sees the unit number, he suddenly wants to back out. He slowly steps forward and raises his hand ready to press the doorbell. He breathes deeply and forcibly turns his back around and presses his eyes shut as he tilts his head feeling like a fool standing in front of his ex’s flat. He already decided to back out when a stranger step out from the elevator which causes him to panic and faces back to the flat again and presses the doorbell abruptly.

He discreetly shushes because of his sudden action. He really acts clumsy when flustered.

His senses straighten when he hears a clicking sound from the inside. He almost holds his breath when the door slowly opens.

He forces a smile to front the owner of the house, but his smile slowly fades when he saw an unfamiliar man in front of him.

“Hi, are you looking for someone?” The guy asks him in a casual tone.

“O-oh, I-I’m sorry. I think I got the wrong address.” Jinhwan awkwardly responds feeling embarrassed.

“Oh…” The guy just nods.

He slightly bows and ready to turn away when he hears a familiar voice that sends chills all over his body.

“Who is it?”

He robotically motions his head back to the owner of the voice when his heart almost stopped.

_J-Junhoe…_

Their eyes meet when the door guy moves his body to the side to look at Junhoe from the inside.

“Oh, I think he’s in the wrong unit.”

“N-Nani…”

Jinhwan feels a sudden prick in his chest when he hears Junhoe’s voice calling his name out. The name only Junhoe calls him.

Junhoe looks like he has seen a ghost with the shocked expression written all over his face. Jinhwan knew him too well. This is really unexpected.

“J-Junhoe-ya…” His voice is shaking.

The other guy also flashes a confused look making his head turn from Junhoe to Jinhwan simultaneously.

“Do you know him?” The other guy asks Junhoe.

_Are they together? Why is Junhoe naked?_ Couple of questions come to his mind.

“Y-yes.” Junhoe answers eyes still fixed on Jinhwan’s.

“Oh, come in.” The guy invites him in.

“O-oh, no. No. It’s okay. I-I’ll just…” Jinhwan stutters as he can’t find the words to say when his eyes are still pierced in Junhoe.

“I’ll just come out.” Junhoe replies and starts to look for his shirt.

“Are you sure? You can talk h—”

“It’s okay, Donghyuk-ie.” Jinhwan sees Junhoe smiling so dearly to the Donghyuk guy. 

It somehow strikes some sting in his heart. 

_So are they really…_

Jinhwan moves two steps back when Junhoe widely opens the door and Donghyuk just goes inside the house. Jinhwan discreetly inhales as he can smell Junhoe's scent from three steps away from him. It brings back memories. 

Junhoe finally fronts him with both hands in his pocket and looks straight to his eyes. 

_How can he still stare at me when I am the one who hurt and left him?_

A lot of thoughts keep coming in Jinhwan's mind. He swallows the air blocking his throat before he bravely speaks. 

"H-Hi…" He starts and tries to sound as casual as he could. But words are always caught in his throat. 

"How did you find me?" Junhoe answers him as cold as the sweat dripping inside his clothes. 

_His eyes… His eyes look… blank. I couldn't see any expression._

"O-oh. I-I'm sorry for suddenly appearing in f-front of you like this. I--" 

As he stutters Junhoe interrupts him with words that almost feel like a knife stabbing him. 

"Yes. You should be sorry for suddenly appearing in front of me. What is it?" 

He can't last any second more to stare at Junhoe's eyes as he is already at the verge of tearing up and he doesn't want to cry in front of his ex after running away five years ago and coming back like this. 

"Y-yeah. T-this is not right. I- It's just that…" 

_Think Jinhwan. Think._

"Yunhyeong sent me here to invite you for the welcome party he prepared for me at his house tomorrow night. B-but, you know, y-you don't have to come. I-I'm really sorry."

Jinhwan can't stand it any longer he immediately turns his back after saying his last word and is ready to take a step away when Junhoe answers him. 

"Is that it? You come here just to tell me that?" 

He firmly shuts his eyes. Afraid of looking back to witness more of Junhoe's cold expression, he remains with his position. 

"Y-yeah. S-sorry."

"I'll come," And the next thing Jinhwan hears is the closing of the door. 

He feels his knees shaking. He extended his arms to support his weight from the wall and another hand unconsciously grabs his chest. He feels the hurt creeping inside. That's it. He hastily walks away from the spot and never looks back. In the elevator he stares at himself in his reflection. He just watches his tears racing down in his cheeks. 

"You make a fool of yourself on your first day in Korea. Good job."

He smirks and wipes his tears leaving no traces of what just happened. When he reaches the outside, he grabs his phone from his pocket and calls Yunhyeong again. 

After a few rings, his friend picks up. 

"Hyung… What is it?" Yunhyeong says after he answers his call. 

"Sorry, Yunhyeong-ah. I think I am stupid." He runs his fingers through his hair out of his frustration at himself. 

"What? Why? What is it this time?" Yunhyeong asks worriedly. 

"Can you throw me a party tomorrow night? I just invited Junhoe for a welcome party tomorrow and I said it is you doing it for me."

"Hyung!"

He pulls away the phone from his ear when Yunhyeong yells for real. He closes his eyes for a brief moment before exhaling sharply and replies. 

"I know. That's why I am so stupid. It just happened. I'm sorry."

"You really did go to him after I sent you the address. Wow, hyung. Five years later and you're still whipped. Why did you even l--" Yunhyeong couldn't finish his sentence again. 

"Yunhyeong-ah. Tomorrow night, okay? Thanks, bye!" He instantly presses the end button not waiting for more Yunhyeong whining and sermon. 

"Why am I even doing this?" He asks himself again as he lets out heavy air from his mouth. 

_It's your fault._

He blames the letter in his head as he raises it from his pocket. 

-Junhoe's Pov-

"Is that really Jinhwan? THE Jinhwan?" Donghyuk instantly pry when Junhoe comes back from the outside. 

"Stop it Dong. I am still shocked." Junhoe throws his whole body on their sofa feeling mixed emotions with what just happened. 

"Woah. I did not recognize him. He looks better in person. No doubt you're s--" 

"Aish! I told you, shut up!" Junhoe throws the small cushion at his buddy. It only makes the latter to laugh and tease him more. 

"Why don't you look happy? You just saw your first love."

Junhoe forcibly stands up and looks straight to Dong intently before speaking. 

"You're coming with me tomorrow. We got some business to do."

He said firmly and walks inside his own room. He locks it just in case Donghyuk will barge in and he doesn't want him to see how affected he is. 

He sits on the side of his bed and pulls the small drawer from his side. He takes out a polaroid photo and stares intently at it. 

_Why would I be happy to see the person who left me without saying a word?_

He says in his head. But slowly, he starts to feel the real pain. His heart beat slows down and there's a heavy feeling nagging him. 

_So, you're back...and you're stirring my world again._

Junhoe leans back until he lays flat on his bed and cover his eyes with his arms. 

"I really hate you." 

Uninvited tear falls from Junhoe's eyes. 

\--

The next day… 

"Thank you for doing this to me, Yunhyeong-ah." Jinhwan can't help himself but to hug his best friend. He has always been very supportive of him ever since they were in high school until they went to the same university. 

"I'd do everything for you from now on, hyung. When you left, I feel like I haven't been a good best friend to you. That I haven't done enough for you. That's why, I am making up for that today." Yunhyeong says in his most sincere tone. 

Jinhwan feels the guilt inside and it pains him hearing those words from Yunhyeong. He never thought his best friend would think that much after he left. They were always just the lucky go happy duo sketching their dreams as best friends together 

"Don't say that. You know the reason why I left, and it has nothing to do with you. I know I really suck for leaving without telling you first. I'm such a bad best friend. I--" 

Yunhyeong hugs him to stop him from blabbering more. Jinhwan firmly presses his eyes close stopping his eyes from producing water before the party even started. 

"I understand, hyung. It wasn't easy for you to make that decision and you were brave to do that without me. I am always here no matter what decisions you make. That's my life job as your best friend."

With that, tears fall from Jinhwan's eyes. He hugs his best friend tightly as a gesture of his gratitude. 

"Ya. We're supposed to have a party. You are making me cry. This is not it."

They both laugh at his comment and break the hug. Yunhyeong helps him clear his face from the tears and holds him on the shoulder. 

"I just want you to be happy, hyung. The happy Jinhwan I saw before. I miss that."

Jinhwan sweetly smiles at him and nods in agreement that he misses to be his happy state too. 

After an hour of preparation, Chanwoo arrives and other guests also arrive one by one. 

Jinhwan locks himself in the bathroom for a couple of minutes fidgeting and trying to calm himself. As the hours past, it also shortens his life line to see Junhoe again. He feels scared, nervous, but…excited. He doesn't want to admit it yet, but his heart is a rebel. 

After calming himself, he puts his game face on and walks out to the living room where everyone else is having a real party - guests are from their college days and some of Yunhyeong's colleagues. They have greeted each other, saying things left and right, but his eyes only focus on the main door. 

"You can get him a job, right?" Yunhyeong says to Chanwoo. They are now talking about signing Jinhwan into a product model. 

"Of course. You will be scouted if any talent scouts sees you right away. You already look like a model." Chanwoo compliments him which makes him smile. 

"Wow. That's great!" Yunhyeong exclaims. 

"Thank you, Chanwoo-ssi." Jinhwan politely says. 

"Oh, drop the honorifics. We're friends here. I should be calling you, hyung too." 

"Oh, thanks."

Jinhwan's heart suddenly stops for a second when he sees Junhoe peeking in from the main door. 

"Here's your ex." Yunhyeong carefully whispers when he sees the reaction on Jinhwan's face only to see Junhoe with Donghyuk coming in. 

"Excuse me." Jinhwan excuses himself from Chanwoo and walks slowly towards the alleged couple. 

"H-Hi. I-I'm glad you came." Jinhwan bites his tongue inside because of his stuttering. 

"I said I'd come. I know how to keep my words." Junhoe blatantly states that pricks his heart immediately. He knows what Junhoe meant by that. 

He just forcibly flashes a smile and turns to Donghyuk who looks so bright. 

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't recognize you." Donghyuk says in greeting. 

Jinhwan narrows his eyebrow quickly with that Donghyuk says and he's about to open his mouth when Junhoe barges in. 

"Of course, you don't know him." Junhoe says and throw his arm on Donghyuk's shoulder. The gesture pricks Jinhwan's chest. 

"Ah, ah. You're right." Donghyuk flashes a wide cute smile at Junhoe and Jinhwan just observes the two flirting in front of him. 

_Keep it together Jinhwan._

He reminds himself before he loses it. 

"U-uhm, please help yourselves. Be comfortable here. We have drinks on the fridge, just get whatever you want and w--" Jinhwan blabbers again when Junhoe cuts him off. 

"We will. Thank you." Junhoe smirks at him and puts his hands in his pocket before leaving him just standing there. 

Jinhwan secretly takes a deep breath when he feels a hand on his arm. 

"Nice to meet you, Jinhwan-hyung. Welcome back." Donghyuk says and sounds sincere with his words before going to greet Yunhyeong and Chanwoo. 

Jinhwan doesn't feel right. He is hurt thinking Junhoe is really together with Donghyuk but why doesn't he feel a bad blood with Donghyuk? Should he supposed to feel some irritation with your ex's current boyfriend? He doesn't feel anything at Donghyuk at all. His aura is just so bright and nice. 

_You found someone better than me, Junhoe-ya._

The thought almost breaks him down. He immediately washes it off with his can of beer. 

Another hour passed. Jinhwan can't help but always look for Junhoe in every corner of the house. Junhoe is either talking and smiling with their college friends or laughing with Donghyuk in one corner. Every time he sees the couple having the best of their time, Jinhwan chugs his can of beer in one shot. He thinks the beer helps him think straight and not act out and embarrass himself anymore. 

When Jinhwan sees Junhoe walks outside the balcony alone, he finishes his other can of beer before rushing to go outside too. His steps slow down when he sees Junhoe's back - right hand with his beer, and left hand in his pocket. 

_I miss you so much._

It must have been the alcohol that's making him say and feel things he shouldn't. 

"Thanks for coming. I never thought you'd really come." He says in his calm and a little tipsy voice when he stands few steps away from Junhoe's right side. 

"It's not likely of your best friend to do this but I guess he really wants to welcome you home." Junhoe coldly responds and drinks from his can of beer. 

Every word that comes out from Junhoe's lips ever since he saw him just pierced his heart every single time. They used to be so in love until he ruined everything. That's why he thinks he has no right in complaining at all. 

After minutes of painful silence, Junhoe speaks again. 

"Why are you here? Why did you come back?" Junhoe asks with a hint of despise in his tone. 

Those questions almost break him down, but he stands firm. 

"I feel lonely in Japan. I feel…empty."

He wants to be as honest as he can once and for all.

He hears Junhoe exhales sharply and sees him smirk with his side view before he answers him. 

"Really? Why?" Both of them don't bother to even glance at each other. 

"It's just that, I feel like I wasn't supposed to be there. I don't know…"

Jinhwan thinks after that Junhoe will leave him there because he doesn't say a word after. Seconds turn to minutes. They are just there standing silently, no one wanting to leave first, but no one knows the words to say. 

Jinhwan clears his throat first before finally breaking the ice. 

"Yesterday, I lied." He confesses. He feels Junhoe turns to his side so he looks at him too. 

Their eyes meet but as blank as Junhoe's expression, his eyes tell the same. 

"I really looked for you yesterday. I asked Yunhyeong your address and that's how I found you. There's no party or what. This is just sudden because of my excuse to see you again." He courageously admits still piercing his gaze on Junhoe. 

"For what?" Junhoe answers calmly. 

"This." He shortly says and reaches for the letter from his pocket. He raises it to show it Junhoe. 

Obviously, Junhoe is also confused of the thing he is showing him. After a second, Junhoe looks away and sips the last portion of his beer. 

"Oh, that." His ex utters. 

It gives Jinhwan a positive impression. Junhoe recognizes the letter which means he really did write it 5 years ago. 

"You really wrote this, didn't you?" Jinhwan is desperate for answer. 

"It's so funny. I never thought they'd really sent that paper out." Junhoe says while smirking and it almost feels like a mock to Jinhwan. 

"Junhoe-ya…" He softly calls out unconsciously. 

"It's just a paper, Jinhwan. You did all of this for just a piece of paper." Junhoe airily laugh for a second. 

"It's not just a paper, Junhoe. It got sent to me the moment I came back here in Korea. It’s almost like fate. If you really wrote this then y--" 

"Throw it." Junhoe didn't let Jinhwan finish his talking. 

He motions his head to the side to stare at Jinhwan's eyes directly. 

"Tear it. Burn it. Throw it. I don't care. Those are just scribbles from my youth. It doesn't mean anything now."

Jinhwan feels weak on his knees and feels the imaginary knife ripping his heart out repeatedly. He lets out a hurtful sigh with Junhoe's bold statement. He doesn't even blink while telling him that. He is on the verge of crying, but he holds himself. 

"Fate? Who even believes in that now? It is called unfortunate event. Fate, my ass." Junhoe mockingly laughs at Jinhwan. 

He can't hold it in anymore. He turns his head away and quickly brushes his tears. His heart is continuously ripped to pieces the more words Junhoe lets out from his mouth. Jinhwan thinks he deserves all of this because of what he did before, but it is truly excruciating. 

He can also feel the alcohol hitting him. He feels emotionally weak and he wants to give up the five years he worked on to forget Junhoe. He wants to break down the wall he built for the last five years only to be crashed down the moment Junhoe's name came to him like a thief in the night. 

"Oh, before I forgot." Junhoe once again speaks and searches for something from his jacket. 

Jinhwan expects for it and his body tenses when he sees the journal from Junhoe's hand. 

_My journal… He still has it._

He thought. His eyes travel from the journal to look at Junhoe. 

"I came here to return this to you." Junhoe hands the journal out to him. 

He slowly reaches for it and gently caresses it. His journal is still with Junhoe and he doesn't know how to take it. 

"Y-you had this all these years?" He softly utters. His throat is already hurting from holding back the tears. 

"My old stuff has it. I forgot why I even have that. Luckily, Donghyuk saw it yesterday while cleaning the house and it may be really fate, like you said. It wanted to be returned to its owner." Junhoe lied. Jinhwan knows it because Junhoe keeps on touching his ears. He knows that Junhoe always does that when he is not telling the truth. 

Jinhwan can't find the words to say. He only stares at Junhoe with eyes full of longing and pain. 

He flinches when Junhoe steps forward and holds his hand with the letter. Junhoe forcibly takes the letter from his grip which snaps his senses out. 

"So, I'll take this back too. Then we're quits." Junhoe almost whispers in his face. 

Even in their situation, Jinhwan's heart still flutters with Junhoe being in super close proximity with him. 

_You're still as gorgeous as ever._ His mind betrays him. 

"No! No. Please." He says in panic afraid that Junhoe will really throw or tear it. 

"This is mine. I gave yours back." Junhoe stands properly again and is ready to tear the letter. 

Jinhwan quickly raises both of his hands to stop Junhoe from tearing the precious letter for Jinhwan. He takes one step forward and fixes himself. He breathes in deeply before speaking up. 

"I'll do it. You already gave that away five years ago which means that is not yours anymore. Like you said it doesn't mean anything now. So, I'll throw it. I'll…do it." Jinhwan says his last words faintly. 

Jinhwan thinks it couldn't get any worst but he is shocked at the next thing Junhoe did. He hears the sudden sound of paper tearing in half. 

His jaw slightly drops as his heart is tearing in half along with the paper in front of him. Junhoe throw it on the ground in front of him and puts both of his hands in his pocket. 

Jinhwan's knees weaken more which make him drop his body with his feet supporting his whole weight. He slowly picks up the pieces of paper on the ground with his head down trying to conceal the tears falling from his eyes. 

He sees Junhoe's feet turn around ready leave. But as impulsive as his drunk self is, his hand grabs Junhoe's wrist without looking at him which seizes the latter. 

"D-Donghyuk…" He utters in his hoarse voice.

Junhoe waits for his next words while looking down at him. 

"A-are you two toge--" 

"I deserve someone better." Junhoe answers looking straight back at the house and gently pulls off his arm from Jinhwan's grip. 

Jinhwan finally drops on his knees and breaks down in tears. Junhoe just left him there after saying the last sentence that shot his heart dead right there and then. 

He grabs the collar of his shirt tightly to help ease the pain in his chest. He breathes painful air from his mouth feeling shortness of air. 

_I deserve this. You deserve this Jinhwan._

He reminds himself again. 

\--

Junhoe's Pov

"I deserve someone better." Junhoe bites his tongue so hard it actually hurts. He hates himself for even saying those lies to his ex who is now on the ground sobbing. 

It breaks Junhoe's heart seeing this Jinhwan after 5 long years he waited for him. 

He is expecting him to live happily after he left him. He thinks he won't ever come back. He thinks he is already happy with someone else. Seeing Jinhwan crying like this over his 5-year old letter breaks his heart to pieces that's why he looks away and just stares inside the house. 

Before he also breaks down, he gently pulls off his arm from Jinhwan's grip and walks away. He sees Donghyuk standing in the main door staring at him with questioning eyes. He just glances at him and he walks out of the gate of the house. 

He can feel Donghyuk following behind him, but he doesn't say anything. He continues to walk until they reach the side wall of the house. He stops and leans on it while holding his head up to the gloomy night sky.

Donghyuk follows him quietly. He grabs the cigarette from his jacket pocket and lights one. He feels Donghyuk turns his head to look at him, but he ignores it. He just hits on his cigarette. After another minute of silence, Donghyuk speaks. 

"Why did you do that?" 

"Do what?" Junhoe casually answers like he doesn't know what the other guy asks him. 

"You don't have to hurt him like that." Donghyuk says in his soft but caring voice. 

Junhoe smirks and has another hit from his cigarette before responding. 

"He chose to cry." Junhoe knows his cold words trouble him but he just can't stop himself. He doesn't know why. 

"You know you're just hurting yourself. You're really trying hard." Donghyuk says while playing with his right foot. 

Junhoe looks at Donghyuk after hearing his words. "What's that supposed to mean?" He asks with confused voice. 

Donghyuk looks at him intently. 

"You miss him. You're waiting for him all these years. But now that he's finally back, the first thing you did is hurt him and make him cry on his knees." 

Donghyuk's words pierce his heart. It sends knives to stab his chest. He clenches his fist and grits his teeth. He is feeling angry because Donghyuk always says the right thing and he is just too coward to admit it. 

"Let me remind you because you seem to forget the story. I got dumped. He left me without a word. He disappeared on me, Donghyuk. He left me. HE hurt me." Junhoe is firm with his words.

Donghyuk sighs and looks away. 

"But that doesn't change the fact that you still miss him. You still love him." 

Junhoe takes a deep breath because he feels like exploding at the words Donghyuk is saying to his face. 

"Missing someone doesn't mean you still love them." He calmly claims. 

"So, you're admitting you do miss him." Donghyuk smirks at him which annoys him. 

"I don't. Okay? Stop with this bullshit." Junhoe finishes his cigarette and drops the remaining part and steps on it. 

"We've been friends for 3 years and I know you have this habit of saying the opposite of what you truly feel." Donghyuk pats his shoulder and walks pass at him. 

"I said I do--" Junhoe turns around to face him but he is cut off. 

"I know. I know. Party's over. Let's go home, Baby." Donghyuk tries to sound cute and winks at him. 

He knows he is teasing him because of what happened earlier. 

"Ugh! Stop that. You're making me puke." Junhoe whines. 

"What? You said I'm your boyfriend." Donghyuk steps back at him and wraps his arm around him and flashes a disgustingly cute smile. 

"I'd rather say single." Junhoe says while trying to pull off his arm but Donghyuk doesn't let go. 

They are now walking on their way home. 

"Ya! Or should I call you… Oppa?" Donghyuk teases more. 

"Ya! Let go of me. You're disgusting me." Junhoe says and walks away from his friend. 

He hears the loud laugh from him and he continues to walk as fast as he could. 

"Oppa, wait for me. Oppa!" 

"Aish!" Junhoe scratches his ears while covering it to stop Donghyuk's aegyo voice he hates so much to enter his eardrums. It sounds like a curse to him. 

But in the back of Junhoe's mind, he is truly grateful that he has Donghyuk as his friend when he was almost giving up on life. 

Sometimes, when you lost something, you gained another thing. For him, it was Donghyuk. 

\--

Jinhwan requested Yunhyeong to drop him home but his best friend insisted to make him stay for the night after seeing his puffy red eyes and nose. The party ended later than expected which kept Jinhwan stayed up late too. 

He is sitting on the workstation in the guest room he is staying with the journal on it and the pieces of paper that causes everything tonight. 

He fixes the pieces of paper together and reaches for the scotch tape to stick them back again. He's carefully sticking them when a droplet wets a part of the paper. He's crying again. 

He looks up to stop his tears from falling. He sniffs and continues to fix the letter. 

_Junhoe-ya…_

He doesn't want to cry anymore but he can't think of anything else but Junhoe. He shouldn't have gone looking for him. He just wasted his 5 years agony to nothing. He chose to leave but why was it hard for him to forget him? He even has no right to think of him. He's the reason why they are both hurting. 

After calming himself, he carefully folded the letter and puts it in his wallet. Then he looks at the old journal Junhoe gave him.

He doesn't feel ready to open or read it yet. So, he moves to his bed with it and just lays down there holding the journal close to his heart. 

"Junhoe-ya…" His half-sober self calls out the last time before he finally dozes off. 

He falls asleep with a tear dripping down his cheek. 


	2. Statue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of each chapter is a song title that describes the entirety of each chapter. I'd also appreciate it if you can listen to them while reading it. ^_^

Chapter 2: _Statue_

-Lil Eddie-

_“But baby your love is so warm_

_it makes my shield melt down_

_And every time we’re both at war_

_you make me come around”_

_-_

Jinhwan sluggishly opens his eyes. He can’t completely open them because of the puffiness and the little sting he feels from crying last night. His head travels down to the thing he is hugging on his chest…the journal.

He slowly raises the journal and quickly stare at it before he puts it aside and aids his aching head.

_Ugh…_

He moans from the hangover he is feeling right now. He sits on the bed with his shoulders both dropped and his back a little slouched. After several minutes of recharging his self, he reaches out for the journal again. He caresses it before finally opening.

He sees the first page and his heart already pounds.

**_“_ ** _The memories in my life I will never forget…you should not forget **.”**_

His young self wrote this even more than 5 years ago. The first few pages are about the happy days of him and Yunhyeong – how they would cut classes just to accompany Yunhyeong in a modeling audition, how he helped Yunhyeong getting rid of a hoobae crushing on him, and how Yunhyeong cried to him when his father got surgery for appendicitis and the whole class thought it was a life and death surgery, sure it was for his best friend.

He can’t help but smile. They truly have so many beautiful memories together as best friends for a decade. Their friendship grew deeper and stronger each day with all the memories they created together.

His heart churns when he turns the next page and reads the next entry.

_“Your soulmate is not someone that comes into your life peacefully. It is who comes to make you question things, who changes your reality, somebody that marks a before and after in your life. It is not the human being everyone has idealized, but an ordinary person, who manages to revolutionize your world in a second.”_

Jinhwan sucks the inside of his cheeks after reading it. He takes a deep breath and look out on the window of his room that is still closed but some ray of light from the sunlight are escaping in from the curtain. Memories start to rush in his head.

- _Flashback-_

“Ya! Do you think you can get away with what you did?” Shouted the tall student with his polo shirt unbuttoned and untucked. His group was known as a trouble maker of their class and the entire college department even being just sophomores.

“Oy! Jiyoung is talking to you! Why are you answering?!” One of the side boys yelled.

The screaming caught everyone’s attention in the cafeteria. It was lunch break and most of the students were eating their lunch peacefully until this group of trouble makers appeared.

“Aish! Ya! Did you not hear anything?” A chubby guy shouted for the third time.

“Aish! I am enjoying my lunch peacefully here. What do you want?!” A pissed Junhoe angrily stood up from his seat after dropping his chopsticks and fronted the group with his hands tucked in his pocket.

Like the other group, Junhoe was also in a small group of three. He’s the leader though he was known to be the youngest in their group, maybe because he was the most popular among them and even among the college department. Hanbin was in the group known to be the charismatic genius – always at the top of his game whether it be academic or sports. He was also known to be the school representative for Jiu Jitsu tournaments with Junhoe. Bobby was the other member known to have a naturally born swag and his own charms with girls and even guys. He’s a happy-go-lucky lad just like Junhoe. But he was known for his family connection because he came from the States so he’s from a well-off family.

Junhoe was known to be the hottest guy on campus and though he cared less about academics, he still passed all his subjects even if he’s a regular visitor in the dean’s office. His family and background remained the biggest mystery of all since no one in the university knew about them that’s why the students believed he’s from a family of conglomerate. Judging by how the university never kicked him out even if he had caused almost everyday trouble, they thought his parents must had his back in the authority.

“Guys, can we just continue this after we eat?” Bobby butted in while enjoying his tray of food and flashed them a wide smile.

Jiyoung, the leader of his group, took that as an insult which made him more mad.

“We can’t help it. You messed with our business first. I’m not letting that go.” He said with anger in his voice.

“Let’s consider the peace of the students enjoying their lunch. Aren’t you hungry? Sit. Eat first. Maybe you can have enough energy to actually fight us.” Hanbin raised his spoonful of rice before putting it inside his mouth and smirked at them.

“YA!” The chubby guy yelled out of frustration. Some students already started to leave the scene even if they hadn’t finished their meals yet.

In a distance, Yunhyeong and Jinhwan just ate their meal peacefully as if there’s no commotion going on at the other side of the room.

“Aish, we will never have a peaceful lunch everyday because of those guys.” Yunhyeong softly whined still digging his food.

“Maybe if Jiyoung concedes then ‘maybe’ we’ll have one. But I am afraid I’ll graduate from this university without having a peaceful lunch.” Jinhwan smirks at Yunhyeong while chewing his food.

“Hyung, both Jiyoung and Junhoe will never concede with each other. That’s impossible.”

“That’s why I said Jiyoung should drop his cool act, he’s not even cool at all.” Jinhwan shook his head with what he just said.

“There you are again not getting the hands of your crush dirty. You’re unbelievable.” Yunhyeong wailed at his best friend.

“Jiyoung is always the one provoking Junhoe the entire school knows that, that’s why even if Junhoe gets in trouble everyday the campus is still crushing on him including you.” Jinhwan teasingly smiled at Yunhyeong.

“What? No. I know he’s hot and you loooove hot guys but he’s not my type.” Yunhyeong defended himself.

“Oh, right. Your crush is the genius one. How boring.” Jinhwan continued to tease.

“At least he does jiu jitsu. He can do his moves on me.” Yunhyeong winked at him which made him made face because of how whipped his best friend was.

“Oh, come on. You’re disgusting. Stop it. We’re eating.” Jinhwan said in between his laugh.

On the other side, Junhoe and Jiyoung were in a staring competition both acting all mighty.

“You know, I could’ve ignored you, but what you’re doing disgust me. My stomach can’t stand it. You’re like uhm…what do you call it? Ah! Trash. Yeah.” Junhoe made some hand gestures with his last sentences and smiled at Jiyoung.

Junhoe could see him fuming and the next thing happened made the students scattered away while screaming. Jiyoung just landed him a punch and it really hurt him. He saw Bobby and Hanbin abruptly stood up and ready to fight back. He slowly wiped the corner of his lips with his thumb and saw the blood on it. He smirked at Jiyoung and exhaled sharply.

Hanbin and Bobby stood on his side with game faces on.

“Do you want to go outside?” Junhoe calmly asked Jiyoung.

“Yeah. Sure, ‘cause I want you dead.” Jiyoung glared at him with teeth gritted.

Jiyoung’s group walked out from the scene first and left Junhoe’s. Hanbin and Bobby already took a step forward when Junhoe blocked Hanbin with his left hand.

“Why?” Hanbin asked a little confused.

“Midterms is coming. I don’t want to get your hands dirty.” Junhoe said and flashed a quick smile.

“Yeah, Bin. We got this.” Bobby supported.

“I’m fine. I won’t get any bruises anyway.” Hanbin laughed with his sentence.

“Just say sorry to the other students here for us.” Bobby added teasing him.

“You’re giving me a harder job.” Hanbin whined. Bobby put his arm on Hanbin’s shoulder and whispered.

“You’re still a genius.” Bobby winked at him which made him elbowed the older.

“Ugh! I hate exam weeks I miss the fun.” Hanbin pouted and the two other guys started to walk away from him.

“See you later.” Junhoe lastly said and both already disappeared.

Hanbin then slowly turned his head around seeing the students looking at him like some kind of criminal for disturbing their lunch. He scratched the back of his and awkwardly smiled to everyone.

“Uhm…I’m sorry. You can continue your lunch.” He slightly bowed before sitting on his seat again.

From afar, someone gushed over him.

“See? He’s a good guy. He doesn’t get into fights.” Yunhyeong turned his head back to Jinhwan from watching his crush on the other side.

“It’s midterms, Yunhyeong. His friends don’t get him to fight during exam week. Remember that one time we overheard them in the men’s room during finals week last semester?” Jinhwan explained.

“Ah, yeah. Well, I really believe those three are good guys. Trouble just had its way on finding them all the time. Haha!”

\--

After Jinhwan’s last subject, he was walking to the hallway on his way out to meet Yunhyeong outside since they had different subject for the day.

Jinhwan’s grip on his bag strap tightened when he saw Junhoe walking from the opposite direction. He gulped and his breathing slowed down. He tried his best to look away but the closer they got, his eyes involuntarily glanced at Junhoe who was walking with his uniform unbuttoned and untucked and hands both in his pocket looking straight ahead. They were a few steps away when Jinhwan’s gaze travel from Junhoe’s face to his wounded lips. He inhaled in his nose sharply and bit his lower lip when they finally walked passed with each other. His heart was pounding.

He suddenly stopped and reached for something in his pocket. He stared the band aid on his palm and looked back. He could see Junhoe’s back walking away from where he stood. He wanted to give the band aid, but he only clenched it in his hand before continuing his steps forward.

Junhoe stopped from walking and casually turned his head back. He saw Jinhwan’s back from afar and he tilted his head before smirking. He knew the small guy always glances at him every time they both cross path in the hallway and little by little, he finds the guy interesting.

\--

“Woah! Hyung! Look, it’s a match!” Yunhyeong exclaimed while they were going up on the stairs to go to the library for some of their research paper.

“What? You really did make that dating profile for me?! I told you I don’t like that!” Jinhwan whined and he tried to make it sound like he really hated it. Well, he did hate the thought of doing blind dates, but he was up to try it depending on the match Yunhyeong had for him. He just did not want to make it obvious to his best friend who was more excited than him.

“Look. Look! He’s a hot guy. Right?” Yunhyeong showed him his phone screen with the dating profile of his ‘match’.

Jinhwan knitted his forehead before looking at the screen in curiosity too.

“He’s a year older than you. He’s a basketball varsity and he likes red wine, too.” Yunhyeong excitedly read the profile for him.

Jinhwan got a little excited when he heard the last one. He was a huge fan of red wines.

“Let me see that.” Jinhwan got the phone from his best friend’s hand and click the photo of the mysterious guy.

Jinhwan discreetly flashed a quick smile when he saw the photo. The guy was really cute and kind of hot. He looked nice too.

“I know you’ll like him.” Yunhyeong said while snapping his fingers. They were already on the hallway.

“Yeah. He’s cute. But you know I don’t do blind dates, Yunhyeong-ah.” He insisted.

“Let me have that. I’ll do it for you.” Yunhyeong suspiciously grabbed the phone and moved a step away from Jinhwan while typing something on the phone.

“Hey! What are you doing?!” Jinhwan got a little nervous but still smiling at his best friend.

“There. Look.” Yunhyeong raised the screen in front of his face. His eyes widened, and his jaw dropped with what he saw.

_“Hi. I think you really look hot. If you want to meet me I’m available anytime. Just hit me up.”_

“Ya!!” Jinhwan screamed and tried to retrieve the phone together with his moral. “Give me my phone!”

Yunhyeong walked faster and teased him by waving the phone in front of him. He charged at his best friend a little pissed off and embarrassed for what he did.

They were playfully laughing at the hallway while walking when Junhoe’s group was also walking from the opposite side of the hallway. Junhoe noticed the two being a little loud and saw how Jinhwan struggled trying to get the phone from Yunhyeong who held the phone up in the air. They just continued walking slowly when Junhoe stopped.

“Why?” Bobby asked when they also stopped from walking because of Junhoe. Bobby followed Junhoe’s gaze and saw Yunhyeong and Jinhwan.

Junhoe again inserted his hands in his pocket while standing still in his position while the two were slowly walking towards them.

“Yunhyeong-ah!” Jinhwan walked in front of Yunhyeong while walking backwards still trying to reach for his phone.

Yunhyeong was just laughing and teasing him. Finally, Yunhyeong gave in and lowered his hand so Jinhwan could reach the phone. Jinhwan hurriedly typed a message to avert the mysterious guy from having a bad impression on him while walking backwards.

He could still hear Yunhyeong’s faint laugh when he suddenly turned around and wanted to run away from his best friend.

“You’re really dea— Aah!” Jinhwan bumped on something, more like ‘someone’ when he heard a sound of pounding chest on his ear.

They both fell on the floor while his eyes shut. He slowly opened them and raised his head to say sorry to the student he bumped into.

“Oh, I’m sor—ry.” He almost couldn’t finish the word when he saw Junhoe’s face just few inches away from him.

His eyes widened, and his body stiffened. He could feel Junhoe’s breath and he could feel his own heart racing in his chest. Jinhwan didn’t know how many seconds or minutes they had been staring at each other. His face was already feeling the blood rushing in when Junhoe smirked and looked directly straight to his eyes.

“You’re easily turned on, aren’t you?” Junhoe softly said almost like trying not to be heard by others.

“What?” He replied.

Junhoe leaned forward and whispered in his ears which sent chills all over his spine.

“I can feel your bulge on my thigh.”

Jinhwan’s eyes widened more after hearing it. Junhoe retrieved his head and teasingly flashed a smile at him. He didn’t know but he felt like the urge to not lose his superiority with this jerk.

He leaned close to Junhoe’s ear and whispered back.

“Don’t be full of yourself. It’s natural. Maybe even bigger than your ego.” He pulled up his head a little to let Junhoe see his smirk.

“Ooh…feisty. I like that.” Junhoe answered back.

Their little word war was interrupted when Bobby cleared his throat and spoke.

“U-uhm…When are you two planning to get up? We already got some audience here.” Bobby playfully said.

Jinhwan cleared his throat and supported his weight with his arms to pull himself up. While Junhoe also slowly moved along with him. But when they were half way up, Jinhwan lose his balance and fell on Junhoe again.

This time, he heard a loud chattering around and he felt something soft and delicate on his lips. When he opened his eyes, he saw Junhoe’s eyes so close and later realized that their lips…touched. They just…kissed.

“Hyung!” He heard Yunhyeong called out with his worried voice.

In panic he retrieved himself up with the help of his best friend. He knew his face was extremely red at that moment. Junhoe didn’t get up immediately. He glanced at him as he supported his upper body with his left elbow.

“Are you okay?” Yunhyeong asked worriedly.

“Y-y-yes.” He answered while stuttering.

He looked at Junhoe who’s intently looking at him while brushing his lower lip with his tongue and exhales sharply from his mouth before totally standing up.

“Are you two shooting a romantic scene or what?” Bobby teasingly said.

“I think someone wants to kiss me, hyung.” Junhoe playfully answered.

“I—” Jinhwan was surprised by how he yelled so he suddenly stopped to take a deep breathe before continuing.

“I…am not.” He softly said but with conviction.

“Come on, hyung. I think I need to wash up my lips with some juice.” Junhoe said still looking at him.

“Oh, I’m thirsty too.” Hanbin butted in and started to walk away giving Yunhyeong a wink.

Bobby put his arm around Junhoe’s shoulder and both of them walked pass through Jinhwan and Yunhyeong.

Jinhwan somehow felt humiliated, so he charged forward and his steps are heavy and with a hint of madness. Yunhyeong just followed him silently as they were headed in the men’s room.

“What was that, Junhoe-ya?” Hanbin asked in his teasing tone.

“An accident?” Junhoe replied casually like nothing happened.

“It doesn’t look like one to me.” Hanbin said.

“He’ll end up with him. Bet with me. Ten dollars!” Bobby stated with his smile and looked at Hanbin challenging him.

“What are you talking about?” Junhoe airily laughed at Bobby’s words.

“You know, how accidental first kiss always ends up together in movies?” Bobby explained.

“Movies are for people like him, not for me.” Junhoe smirked.

“Okay. I’ll make it 20 dollars.” Hanbin said with a snap on his fingers.

“Wait what? Are you two serious? Fine! 30 dollars if we don’t end up in a month.” Junhoe bet.

“Ooh, that’s too long. I’m only thinking 2 weeks?” Bobby said and all of them laughed as they entered the cafeteria.

On the other side, Jinhwan immediately went inside the men’s room with Yunhyeong and stared at himself at the mirror. He really was blushing, and he felt so embarrassed.

“Hyung…” Yunhyeong softly said while looking at him through the mirror. “Oh my god! You just kissed the hottest guy on campus.” He added.

Jinhwan sighed at what he heard from his best friend. He gulped the lump of air blocking in his throat.

“That’s so embarrassing, Yunhyeong-ah. I can’t believe it just happened.” He said in panic.

“And did you see Hanbin? Oh god! He winked at me.” Yunhyeong couldn’t help but gush.

“You’re such a flirt. This is all your fault.” Jinhwan blamed him.

“Oh, come on. You’ll thank me for this someday.” Yunhyeong tapped him on his shoulder and teasingly smiled at him. “Let’s go. We still have research paper to do.” His best friend said and walked out the men’s room first.

Jinhwan stared at himself one last time at the mirror and his eyes travelled down on his lips. His heart beat raced, and he slowly brushed his thumb on his lips where Junhoe’s lips lingered. He suddenly got his senses back when he heard Yunhyeong called for him from the outside, so he shook his head and shut his eyes before going out of the comfort room.

-Present-

Jinhwan flinches when he heard the clicking sound from the door of his room. Yunhyeong’s head pops out from the door first before coming in totally.

“Are you awake now? How are you feeling?” His best friend asks. He moves a little when Yunhyeong sits on the side of the bed.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you.” He answers and gives him a faint smile.

“I prepared us hangover soup. Let’s eat now.” His best friend invites him for breakfast.

“Okay. I’ll just wash my face and go outside.”

Yunhyeong just nods and heads out first. Jinhwan closes the journal and leaves it under the pillow before he washes his face in the bathroom. When he reaches the kitchen, the table is already set and Yunhyeong is now placing the bowl of hangover soup at the center of the table.

“Wow. You prepared so much for two people.” He says with a smile. He is starting to feel better knowing that he has a best friend like Yunhyeong who never fails to take care of him even if the latter is younger than him.

“I know you’re hungry and me too, so let’s eat.” Yunhyeong cheerfully says and takes his seat.

They are both enjoying their breakfast when Yunhyeong talks.

“So, he already returned your journal last night?” His best friend asks without looking at him.

“Yeah. I never thought he’d keep it.” He softly answers.

“Of course, he will. I know you left everything that will remind you of Junhoe including the journal, even all your photos together. I saw it in our dorm room.” Yunhyeong shares. Jinhwan stays silent as his heart starts to feel heavy again.

When Jinhwan doesn’t speak, Yunhyeong continues.

“You left all your memories of him to forget while he holds on to all of those as the only memories he had of you. You both are frustrating, you know that?”

“I…I was wrong, Yunhyeong-ah.” He concedes.

“So, what are you planning now?” His best friend asks.

“There’s nothing I can do. He’s mad at me and he’s with someone else now. I don’t want to ruin that for him.” Jinhwan says while looking at Yunhyeong with eyes full of regret.

“He’s with…someone else?” Yunhyeong confirms because he knows Junhoe hasn’t date someone after Jinhwan left.

“Yes. He’s with Donghyuk. You should have warned me yesterday.” Jinhwan says with a little irritation on his voice.

Yunhyeong doesn’t answer immediately. He thinks maybe Junhoe says that he’s with Donghyuk when he’s not for a reason. He doesn’t want to conclude anything that might only hurt his best friend.

“Oh, I-I’m sorry.” He just says.

“I just want to find a new job. Did Chanwoo say anything last night?” Jinhwan asks.

“He said he’ll call you when the company gives him a go signal. Don’t worry.”

“Maybe I’ll just look for some part time job for the meantime, while waiting. I’ll be bored doing nothing alone in the house.” Yunhyeong just nods at his last statement.

They finish the rest of their breakfast without talking much. After their meal, Yunhyeong bids his goodbye since he has a schedule for the day and he insisted Jinhwan to stay and man his house. Since Jinhwan doesn’t feel like going home too, he stays.

After taking a bath, Jinhwan once again reaches for his journal under the pillow and sits on the workstation of the room. He takes a deep breath before opening it on the page where he left off.

He ready himself for another trip to the past. His heart feels light but sad at the same time. He’s happy to see his journal again and reminisce the best parts of his past, but also sad because he couldn’t go back to that anymore. He reads another entry from it.

_“There I was, way off my ambitions, getting deeper in love every minute.”_

_“He is delightfully chaotic;_

_A beautiful mess_

_Loving him is a splendid adventure.”_

Jinhwan runs his fingers to the words his eyes read. He paints a sad smile on his face remembering the time he was writing those words.

_You were so in love with him. Why did you leave him so easily? You’re such a fool, Jinhwan._

He says in his mind. His heart aches when memories of them suddenly flash back.

-Flashback-

Junhoe dropped 50 dollars on the table forcibly in front of his friends before sitting down. Bobby and Hanbin looked at each other before glancing at Junhoe who had a casual expression on his face.

“What is that?” Bobby asked pointing the money using his lips.

“My advance payment.” Junhoe answered.

“Don’t tell me you are already da—” Hanbin unbelievably exclaimed but was cut off immediately.

“No. Not yet.” Junhoe casually said while drinking his soda.

“Not yet. What do you mean?” Bobby repeated.

“I don’t know. He’s just interesting. I like it when I pissed him off.” Junhoe admitted while smirking.

Bobby and Hanbin smiled at each other before one of them spoke.

“THE Junhoe is finally interested with someone. This is really huge. He never gives his attention to anyone before. Wow. That guy tamed you, bro.” Bobby elbowed him with his last sentence.

“Is it not because you knew Jiyoung is crushing on Jinhwan-sunbae?” Hanbin clarified Junhoe’s motive.

“Ah yeah! Last time we almost got into fist fight again when you grabbed Jiyoung’s hand away from Jinhwan-sunbae’s shoulder. I bet the idiot was hella pissed off you ruined his chance on the guy.” Bobby said in between his mocking laugh.

“I just hate to see him touch Jinhwan.” Junhoe said with his straight face.

“Woo-hoo hoo. Our maknae is feeling jealous.” Bobby teased him while making face at Hanbin which made both of them laugh. Both of them fist bumped each other.

“Do you think sunbae will like you? The last time I checked, you scared the hell out of him when he witnessed you fight one of Jiyoung’s guy.” Hanbin said in a more serious tone.

“He harassed Jinhwan because Jiyoung ordered him to bring him to him even by force. Of course, I had to teach the guy a lesson.” Junhoe answered while looking at Hanbin.

“Once Jiyoung finds out that you are interested in Jinhwan-sunbae, he will surely target him to get you and I think he already knows about it considering what happened last time.” Bobby reminded him.

“I’ll just have to ignore them, and I won’t let them touch Jinhwan. If I have to concede, I’ll do it. I’d never even want to be on my position.” Junhoe said with conviction.

Bobby and Hanbin gave each other a meaningful looked at each other and exchanged smiles. This sudden change of heart from Junhoe surprised them but a good kind of thing. Bobby winged his arm on Junhoe’s shoulder before saying his words.

“We’re all for it. We got your back, bro.” Junhoe smiled back at him and said, “Thank you.” And looked at Hanbin too with grateful gaze.

\--

It’s lunch time, Jinhwan and Yunhyeong were on their way on the cafeteria when Yunhyeong suddenly remembered that he left his wallet in the room.

“Hyung, I’m sorry. I’ll just get my wallet and follow you there. Save me a seat, okay?” Yunhyeong hurriedly ran.

“Okay.”

The seats were almost full, so he got his tray of food first and secured a table for them. He looked around to check if Yunhyeong was already there, but no sign of him anywhere. Since he was hungry, he started to eat his food slowly so Yunhyeong could still eat with him.

Meanwhile, Junhoe’s group just entered the cafeteria as well. They searched for empty table and Junhoe’s eyes instantly caught Jinhwan eating alone.

“Hyung, can I eat alone?” Junhoe spoke while eyes still focused on the man eating at the corner of the cafeteria.

“Huh?” Hanbin was confused and looked at Junhoe. He followed his gaze to see where it was headed and there, he saw Jinhwan.

Hanbin looked at Bobby and nodded as their Morse code. “Of course, it’s not like we can’t eat without you.” Bobby playfully answered him and three of them got their own tray of food.

While on the line, Bobby saw Yunhyeong just got in the cafeteria and he elbowed Hanbin to point out Yunhyeong using his mouth. Hanbin smirked and went to him after filling his tray.

“Hi. Do you want to have lunch with us?” Hanbin asked with Bobby on his back smiling.

“W-what?” Yunhyeong was caught in surprise by the sudden invitation. His head stretched to look for Jinhwan, but Bobby blocked his view.

“Jinhwan-sunbae is with Junhoe. Don’t worry, he’s safe. You can eat your lunch with us.” Bobby said with his cute bunny smile.

“O-oh. Okay.” Yunhyeong couldn’t do anything but to sit with them far away from where Jinhwan was sitting.

Junhoe held his tray and slowly walked towards Jinhwan who had no clue that he was there. He gently put his tray on the table waiting for Jinhwan to notice him.

“Ya. What take you so lo—” Jinhwan couldn’t finish his sentence when he looked up and saw Junhoe.

Junhoe smiled at Jinhwan before he took his seat. Jinhwan put his chopsticks down and sat straight giving him a confused look.

“Oh. Continue eating. Don’t mind me.” Junhoe casually said and started to dig on his own tray of food.

Jinhwan sighed and picked his chopsticks again. “Where’s Yunhyeong?” Jinhwan asked while putting a chop of meat in his mouth.

“He’s alive, happily eating with my friends.” Junhoe smirked while chewing his food.

“Why are you doing this?” Jinhwan asked in his casual tone.

“Because I like doing it.” Junhoe answered being as casual as Jinhwan.

“But why? If you’re doing this to get back at me because of the…kiss…I already said sorry.” Jinhwan lowered his voice with the word ‘kiss’ as he leaned forward to say those words to Junhoe.

Junhoe was trying to conceal his smile but he couldn’t help it. He really found it cute when Jinhwan starts to be annoyed.

He picked the beans out from his meal and transferred it Jinhwan’s tray.

“What are you doing?” Jinhwan asked in confusion. “I don’t eat beans.” He replied.

He looked Jinhwan while smiling observing how irritated Jinhwan was already.

“You really like to pick on me, don’t you?” Jinhwan smirked at him as he put the beans one by one in his mouth.

“Hmm. I like you.” Junhoe casually confessed while enjoying his food.

He heard Jinhwan coughed. He was sure that the latter choked on his food by his sudden confession. He looked at Jinhwan still coughing as he was still also chewing his food. He reached for the cup of water on his side and gave it to him.

“Ya! Don’t say things you don’t mean. It’s being rude.” Jinhwan tried to calm himself after drinking the cup of water. It was too sudden.

“I don’t say words I don’t mean, Jinhwan. It’s up to you how you take them.” Junhoe smiled at him which made his heart fluttered. His stomach churned, and he could feel the blood rushing in his cheeks.

“I’m still your sunbae. Can you not at least speak politely to me?” Jinhwan tried to divert the conversation.

“I only call Bobby and Hanbin ‘hyung’ because they’re my friends and I don’t want to call you that because I don’t want to be just your friend, Nani.” Junhoe said with a straight face but Jinhwan could see the sincerity from his eyes.

“W-what? What did you just call me?” His eyebrows narrowed while asking.

“Nani. I’ll call you that from now on and don’t let anyone call you that. That’s mine.” Junhoe said and slowly smiled at him his eyes forming like a crescent moon.

Jinhwan’s heart was racing inside his chest and he didn’t know how to react to the situation. He didn’t expect Junhoe to confess like that. But he didn’t want to let his defenses down that easily.

“Why do you think I like you calling me that and I won’t let anyone call me Nani?” Jinhwan said in his challenging voice.

“Because I know you like me too.”

“Huh. You’re too confident, Koo Junhoe.” Jinhwan smirked at him but deep inside, he was giving in.

“Are you scared of me that’s why you’re also afraid of falling for me.” Junhoe claimed and he looked at Jinhwan intently waiting for his answer.

“If you can stop fighting and causing troubles all the time maybe I c—”

“Deal.” Junhoe cut his words short.

“That’s fast.” Jinhwan crossed his arms on his chest and smiled at Junhoe.

“What do you need to believe me? This?” Junhoe showed his pinky finger and extended it up on Jinhwan’s face.

“I told you I don’t say things I don’t mean.” Junhoe added as he waited for Jinhwan to seal his promise.

“Say you promise.” Jinhwan requested of him.

Junhoe sighed because he was not this kind of person and it was his first time doing it. But he said what Jinhwan wanted to hear.

“I promise.” His words made Jinhwan smile brightly that made his heart skip a beat.

He almost flinched when he felt Jinhwan’s pinky finger intertwined with his which sent him some spark and chills.

\--

It had only been a week after the cafeteria confession and almost the whole campus was talking about them being the popular couple. Jinhwan wasn’t used to the attention, but it was one of the things he needed to endure for liking a campus hottie.

He was walking towards the vendo machine to get his favorite strawberry milk while waiting for Yunhyeong to finish his exams. He inserted a small bill and pressed the vendo machine as it dropped his milk. He reached down from the claiming bin and when he stood up, he flinched at the liquid splashing on his face. Someone just threw a strawberry milk at the vendo machine where he stood.

He turned his head to the side and saw the guy who harassed him last time.

_Aish. Jiyoung._ He complained in his head. He just wiped the few milk stains from his face and uniform when another one was thrown at the opposite side. The guy wasn’t aiming for him directly but wanted him to get spilled with the milk.

He took a deep breath as he was already pissed. He rolled his eyes and when he fronted the direction of Jiyoung’s minion, he saw Junhoe appeared in front of him just a few inches away from him.

Junhoe just stood there smiling while another box of milk was thrown. This time, Jinhwan flinched because it was thrown directly at Junhoe’s back. The throwing became frequent and Jinhwan just looked at Junhoe protecting him while smiling directly at him. He got some milk spilled on his face every time the box hit the vendo machine, but he didn’t mind it. He was more worried about Junhoe taking all the hits for him.

After a minute of throwing, Jinhwan heard the guy cursed and left.

“Are you okay?” Junhoe asked him. His chest ached with Junhoe’s soft voice asking him.

“Y-yeah. T-thank you.” Jinhwan’s voice was almost faint.

“I’m sorry.” Junhoe softly said and wiped his face with his bare hands. Jinhwan’s heart was pounding with Junhoe’s gesture. He didn’t expect the cool mighty Koo Junhoe just took all the boxes of milk for him without even fighting back.

After wiping all the spilled milk on him, Junhoe turned around and looked at the mess on the floor.

“Aish. This bastard littered here. Tsk tsk.” Junhoe casually said while students were looking and chattering indistinctively at them.

Junhoe picked up the boxes one by one and threw them in the trash can. Jinhwan couldn’t move an inch watching Junhoe did all those things. This was so unlikely of the Junhoe he knew. He clenched his fist and felt guilty because he thought this was all his fault.

After Junhoe picked up all the boxes, he stood in front of him again and smiled brightly.

“Ya…” He called out with his voice full of concern.

“Let’s go.” Junhoe only said and slid his hand to get his. His gaze followed Junhoe’s hand down to his as he softly slid it and intertwined them.

Jinhwan’s heart melted with how he was seeing a totally different side of Junhoe. They walked side by side with their hands holding each other. He saw Junhoe smiling widely. He suddenly got a view of Junhoe’s back. It was all wet and full of spilled milk. He bit his lower lip when he saw the state of Junhoe’s back. It must have hurt but he still took the hit for him.

Junhoe must have noticed him because he suddenly spoke.

“I’m fine. I’m not hurt at all. Don’t worry.” Jinhwan stopped which made Junhoe stopped too.

“Let’s go to the clinic. Let’s just check if you’re not hurt anywhere.” He said in his worried voice.

Junhoe just laughed at him. He didn’t let go of Jinhwan’s hand either.

“I’m okay. It doesn’t hurt at all.”

“But still I w—” Jinhwan didn’t finish his words when Junhoe leaned forward to him and planted him a quick kiss on his forehead that made his heart skip a beat.

“You’re still cute when you’re like that and it’s worrying me. The next time you make me worry, I’ll kiss you for real. I’m barely holding myself, Nani.” Junhoe flashed a teasing smile at him.

“Ya…” Jinhwan said in his whiny tone.

Junhoe laughed at him and they continued to walk outside the building to see Yunhyeong.

\--

“You both are so in love with each other, hyung. I’m so jealous.” Yunhyeong almost sounded whiny.

They were on their way out of the campus and Jinhwan just lightheartedly laughed at him. Junhoe was waiting for Jinhwan in the main gate because it was their 6th month of being together.

“You think so?” Jinhwan said.

“Duh, hyung. Junhoe doesn’t bow down to anyone. Literally anyone. But last time, he looks really cool when Jiyoung attacked him at the cafeteria. He said he’d give up being on the top of their groups for him because, quote, he promised someone that’s he’s not fighting anymore, unquote.”

Yunhyeong playfully said his last sentence to make emphasis on it which made Jinhwan’s heart fluttered again. That incident made him trust and fall for Junhoe even more.

“I know. It’s really unbelievable. I did not expect that.” He said in agreement.

“Well, love is really a beautiful kind of fear. It makes you do things you never thought you could. I am really happy for you. I’ve never seen you this happy, hyung. I mean it.” Yunhyeong claimed in a more serious tone.

“Thank you, Yunhyeong-ah. I’m loving this adventure too.” He said full of sincerity.

“Of course, you’re with someone you love.”

Jinhwan just beamed at him brightly and a few more steps they could see Junhoe leaning at the gate waiting for them.

“Speaking of your prince charming.” Yunhyeong said and Jinhwan shook his head with his description.

“Junhoe-ya.” Yunhyeong greeted him first.

“Oh, hi.” Junhoe answered and immediately looked at Jinhwan.

“Take care of my best friend, okay?” Jinhwan softly elbowed him feeling cringey with his words.

“I’ve been doing a good job with that, haven’t I?” Junhoe confidently stated then winked Jinhwan.

“Oookay. Now I’ll go. You’re too cute. I can’t handle it. Bye!” Jinhwan laughed at him and bid his goodbye too.

Junhoe and Jinhwan decided to just walk going to the nearby café before they went to the movie house just 15-minute walk from the campus, so they could be on time for the night call.

“Let me carry your bag.” Junhoe offered. “It’s okay. It’s not that heavy. It’s just some books I borrowed from the library.” Jinhwan smiled with his answer.

“I’m not asking your permission, Nani. I’m just telling you.” Junhoe smirked and gently got his bag from his back.

“You know, you’re being bossy to your sunbae. This is not right.” Jinhwan tried to sound firm.

“I’m your boyfriend, not your hoobae, Nani.” Junhoe teasingly smiled and held him on his nape which already became a habit of Junhoe to do every time to went out on a date alone. Junhoe said it just came to him automatically every time he sees his nape.

“I’m still older than you, Koo Junhoe not just by a year. Maybe you forgot that part.” He argued more.

“I’m still your boyfriend, Nani. I already conceded for you. That’s how I show my respect to you.” Junhoe stated and gently slid his hand again on Jinhwan’s and intertwined their fingers.

Junhoe’s words never failed to make his heart melt and he just fell deeper every second of the day. Junhoe was really different.

“Thank you for doing that for me. I know it’s not easy.” Jinhwan said in his gentle voice.

“Everything becomes easy when it comes to you, Nani. It feels like I am under your spell. I think I can do everything you say in just a blink of an eye.” Junhoe beamed at him as they both enjoyed their walk while holding hands.

“Oh stop. Those cringey words doesn’t fit you, Junhoe-ya.” Jinhwan laughed at him.

“I said I don’t say words I don’t mean. It’s not my fault the one who created those words make it sound cringey. I have no choice.”

Jinhwan squeezed Junhoe’s hand as a gesture of his gratitude. Yunhyeong was right. They were really in love with each other. He felt like he was in cloud nine. They never had gone far with their relationship physically even if they were already dating for months. Junhoe respected him so much that he didn’t even force himself to him. He only either hugged him or held his hand and that one forehead kiss. Their first kiss still remained to be that one accidental kiss. Jinhwan was really thankful for that and he admired Junhoe for being such a gentleman despite having that bad boy image everyone saw him.

“Shall we get ice cream first? I’m really craving for sweets.” Jinhwan said interrupting his beautiful thoughts.

“Whatever you want, Nani. I told you. I’ll only do what you say.” Junhoe playfully laughed as they continued to walk.

Their sweet moment was interrupted when 3 guys blocked their way. Junhoe cursed in his head when he saw Jiyoung’s minion. Jinhwan looked at Junhoe and squeezed his hand.

“Jiyoung wants to talk to you.” One guy said glaring at Junhoe.

Junhoe gently guided Jinhwan at his back without breaking their hands before answering. “Tell him I’ll come to him tomorrow. I’m quite busy today.” Junhoe casually replied.

“He wants you now.” The other guy firmly said.

“I said I’m busy. Can’t you see I have a date?” Junhoe teasingly said.

“Then maybe Jiyoung can just talk to your date instead?”

Junhoe gritted his teeth upon hearing the guy’s words. He hated it when Jiyoung always uses Jinhwan to tame him because he can’t do anything but submit himself, so he won’t touch Jinhwan.

“Ya. I’m your sunbae. Don’t you think you’re being rude right now?!” Jinhwan butted in trying to be brave and use his status to avert these guys.

“We’re not in the university anymore. Jiyoung wants to talk to him. If he doesn’t want to then maybe you can come with us.” Those jerks smirked at him which already pissed him too.

Junhoe blocked his view from seeing them and he’s facing with his back now.

“I’ll come with you.” Junhoe declared.

“Ya…Don’t.” He nervously said. Junhoe turned to him and gently handed his bag back.

“Don’t worry. I’ll follow you soon.” Junhoe said and lightly patted his head.

“No. I’ll come with you.” Jinhwan replied with his firm tone nervous of what might happen to him.

“Do you trust me?” Junhoe asked. “What?” He asked back in confusion.

“Do you trust me?” Junhoe repeated.

“Yes.” He faintly replied. “Then wait for me in the café. We still have time before the movie starts. I won’t take long. Okay?” Junhoe widely smiled at him which somehow calmed him.

He just nodded and watched Junhoe fronted the 3 guys. “Let’s go.”

Jinhwan was left there standing. He hugged his bag and started to walk slowly. It was only a few walks until they reached the café. He sat inside the café and waited in worry. He was fidgeting, and he felt something’s not right. He checked his phone and it was already 5 minutes but Junhoe had not arrived yet. He just saw them walked in a narrow alley not far from the café. He couldn’t stand waiting anymore, so he wore his bag on his back and rushed to where he left Junhoe.

Every step was full of anxiety and his heart felt heavy. When he was about to walk in the alley, he heard some noises from there. Someone was being…beaten.

His heart instantly pounded, and he ran inside the alley. His heart almost dropped when he saw Junhoe’s face almost covered with blood with his bruises. There are 4 guys beating him and Jiyoung was just watching them.

“YA! STOP IT!!”

He screamed so loud and everyone stopped to look in his direction. He saw Junhoe coughing and spit blood. His tears were already welling up in his eyes and he was furious.

“N-nani…” Junhoe called him out with his weak voice. He was leaning on the wall while barely sitting and hands were dropped on the ground.

He charged forward and was ready to fight the guys who did that to Junhoe. He didn’t care anymore. He was fuming.

Jiyoung walked towards him and blocked his way which made him stopped.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” Jinhwan yelled at him.

“I’m teaching him a lesson. He should know his place.” Jiyoung smirked at him.

“He already conceded what more do you want?! He did nothing against you!” Jinhwan clenched his fist and almost wanted to throw punches on the guy in front of him.

“He did, but he made me look like the bad guy doing that and it angers me.”

“You’re so pathetic.” He said and gritted his teeth.

Jiyoung laughed at him but with irritation on it. “What did you just say?”

“I said you’re pathetic and I pity you. You’re just jealous because whatever you do people hate you and that’s because you’re such a loser acting all mighty with your minions. You can’t even take down one man. Jokes on you!” He wanted to say more but Jiyoung’s expression changed.

He was already glaring at him and his eyes were full of anger.

“You just did not say that.” Jiyoung was suppressing his rage.

“I just did, and I’ll say that over and over again to snap your senses back.”

Jinhwan flinched when Jiyoung grabbed his wrist and held it up. His eye twitched with the sudden pain he felt from Jiyoung’s grip.

“YA! Don’t touch him!” Junhoe screamed from their back but Jiyoung ignored him.

Jinhwan twisted his wrist and endured the pain to let loose of his hand. Jiyoung let go of it and smirked at him.

“If you hurt Junhoe again, I’ll make you regret it.” He gave him a death glare and walked passed through him to aid Junhoe.

But he was caught by surprised when Jiyoung wrapped his arms from his back tightly and clutched his cheeks. Jinhwan saw Junhoe’s eyes widened and he tried to stand up.

“I told you do not touch him.” Junhoe said when he finally stood with his feet still looking a little limp.

Jinhwan tried to fight and break Jiyoung’s grip but the guy was much taller than him and really strong. He struggled to break loose but to no avail.

“If you don’t let go of him in the count of three, you’re all dead.” Junhoe warned and gave him a death glare.

“You think I’m scared of you? Look at you. You can barely stand up straight.” Jiyoung said in between his mocking laugh.

“One…” Junhoe started to count.

The other guys started to laugh at him too while Jinhwan still tried to break loose.

“Seriously? Haha!” Jiyoung replied.

“Two…” Junhoe continued.

“If I were you, I’ll let go and run.” Jinhwan muffled the words but tried to act brave though his knees were almost shaking.

“You think you can beat all 4 of us in your state?” The other guy laughed at him.

Junhoe looked at him straight in the eyes and spoke. “Close your eyes, Nani.”

He trusted Junhoe and pressed his eyes close firmly as his heart was already pounding.

“Three…” He heard Junhoe said and the next thing he heard was hazy noises, painful groans, and screams.

After couple of minutes, he felt Jiyoung’s hold loosened which made him open his eyes. He saw the 3 other guys on the ground unconscious and Junhoe was slowly taking his steps towards them.

“I said, let go of him.” Junhoe said to Jiyoung.

“Do you think you scare me? I’ll always make you suffer.” Jiyoung said lastly and pushed Jinhwan away before fleeing the scene.

“J-junhoe-ya…” He called out feeling pained seeing his boyfriend with blood dripping on his face. His tears immediately fell.

“Are you okay?” Junhoe asked him which made Jinhwan annoyed.

“Ya! Why are you still asking me if I’m okay?! Look at you. You should look after yourself first!” Jinhwan started to sob feeling all the anxiety and pain for his boyfriend.

He felt like his heart was stabbed seeing Junhoe didn’t fight back because of his stupid promise and he thought it was his fault. He couldn’t stop his tears from falling. He felt helpless.

“Sshh…” Junhoe shushed him and gently wiped his tears while forcing a smile at him.

“I’m sorry. Please don’t cry, Nani. I can’t stand seeing you cry. It hurts more than my wounds.” Junhoe hugged him and caressed his back which made him cry more.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Junhoe-ya. I’m sorry.” Jinhwan sobbed loudly and hugged Junhoe back but careful not to hurt him more. He felt guilty for what happened.

“Ssshhh…Please. It’s not your fault.” Junhoe said and slowly broke the hug to cup Jinhwan’s cheek with his palms.

Jinhwan looked at him with tears still falling from his eyes while sniffing.

“I told you don’t make me worry or else I can’t hold myself back.” Junhoe softly said.

“W-what?” Jinhwan said in between his sniffing.

Junhoe didn’t answer him but leaned down to claim his lips. Jinhwan closes his eyes and feel every brush of their lips against each other. His heart felt light and all worries started to fade. The kiss was delicate and full of love. He could taste some blood on Junhoe’s lips, but he didn’t mind. His heart felt contented.

The kiss lasted for Jinhwan didn’t know long, but when they broke the kiss, Junhoe hugged him instantly and whispered at his back with words that made his world stopped.

“I love you, Nani.”

\--

Jinhwan brought Junhoe in their house since no one was home because his sister was in Japan processing their start-up business there. He wanted to bring Junhoe in the hospital but Junhoe insisted.

He helped Junhoe sit on the sofa and he got the first aid kit from the bathroom. He wiped the blood from Junhoe’s face with cotton first and he got the ointment for the wound on Junhoe’s lips.

“This might sting. Tell me if it hurts, okay?” Jinhwan softly said and put some on the cotton buds.

“U-ugh…” Junhoe flinched. Jinhwan wrinkled his face every time Junhoe screeched. “Sorry.” He would say and gently blew it.

Junhoe’s heart was secretly pounding too. Every time Jinhwan’s face comes close a few inches away from him, he almost held his breath in. He was feeling butterflies in his stomach every blow Jinhwan did. His eyes couldn’t help but stare at Jinhwan’s soft pink lips.

Jinhwan was blowing his wound when his hand unconsciously seized Jinhwan’s hand holding the cotton bud. Jinhwan looked at him in the eyes a little confused.

“I don’t think this will work.” Junhoe said which made Jinhwan’s brows met halfway. “What?”

“Seeing your lips will always make me want to kiss you. What am I going to do, Nani?” Junhoe admitted.

Jinhwan’s heart fluttered. He slowly pressed his lips and tried to hide them but Junhoe smirked.

“It’s not helping either. You’re only teasing me more.” Junhoe said.

“Then don’t look at them.” Jinhwan said and smiled.

“My eyes always end up looking at them and all I can think of is to claim them.” Junhoe explained.

“Close your eyes.” Jinhwan softly said. “What?” Junhoe asked.

Junhoe flinched when Jinhwan covered his eyes using his palm and he felt his soft delicate lips against his. He smiled and closed his eyes feeling Jinhwan’s lips.

“Sorry, Junhoe-ya. It’s all my fault.” Jinhwan said when he broke the kiss.

“I said it’s not your fault.” Junhoe replied. “It has always been my fight. I should be the one saying sorry because I drag you into this. I’m sorry.”

“Love says; I’ve seen the ugly parts of you, and I’m still staying. Let’s be together for a long time, Junhoe-ya. I’m not leaving you.” Jinhwan said while cupping Junhoe’s cheeks.

Junhoe smiled and hugged him. “I don’t ever want to lose you either. You’re my miracle, Nani. You changed my world.”

Jinhwan’s lips curved upward with Junhoe’s words. He pulled off himself and stared at Junhoe. “I’m so lucky to have you. I want you to know that.” He confessed.

“I said I’d protect you, but I don’t think I can hold myself back today.” Junhoe softly said while staring at Jinhwan’s lips.

“You don’t have to.” Jinhwan replied and waited for Junhoe to claim his lips again which the latter did.

This time, the kiss was passionate, full of longing, and full of love. Junhoe kissed him gently and carefully. Junhoe wrapped his hand around his waist and directed him to sit on top of him without breaking the kiss.

He snaked his arms around Junhoe’s neck while Junhoe’s hands travel inside his shirt. Jinhwan could feel the rushing of emotions slowly creeping in. The kiss deepened with every touch from Junhoe. His body chills and his hands seemed like to have minds of their own trying to take off Junhoe’s shirt. They were both careful avoiding to hurt each other.

Junhoe would moan because of his wounds, but it only made Jinhwan turned on even more. He thought each sound that escaped from Junhoe’s lips was so hot.

They were both topless and Jinhwan took a glance of Junhoe’s abs. He ran his fingers through those perfectly curved muscles which made him feel Junhoe’s bulge on his thighs. He smirked and looked at Junhoe’s eyes intently. Looking at Junhoe from the top was another experience for Jinhwan. He felt superior and valued.

Junhoe caressed his back delicately which sent shivers on his spine. Their breathing slowed down as they savor the intimate moment they had.

“Are you sure about this?” Junhoe asked him in his hoarse voice. Jinhwan was only turned on even more by how hot he sounded.

“I trust you.” Jinhwan answered and brushed his thumb on Junhoe’s kissable lips.

“I won’t hurt you.” Junhoe said and leaned up to kiss Jinhwan again and sat straight on his back as he held Jinhwan against his chest.

Junhoe’s tongue travelled down on Jinhwan’s sensitive neck which made the latter moan in pleasure. His hands were working wonders on Jinhwan’s back while he pecked on Jinhwan’s shoulder. The older ran his finger’s thru Junhoe’s hair as he enjoyed the pleasure of what he was doing to him. His body moved to the silent music playing by their bodies and gently thrusting against Junhoe’s stomach.

“Nani…” Junhoe called out his name in his faint voice while brushing his tongue on Jinhwan’s chest.

“Hmm…” Jinhwan moaned as a reply. He was feeling the pain on his swelling already.

“Take me, Junhoe-ya.” Jinhwan whispered while gently biting his ears.

Junhoe then slowly slid his hand on his length inside his pants. Jinhwan let out a moan of satisfaction on the simple touch from Junhoe.

Jinhwan didn’t expect he’d experience such pleasure like this with just a simple touch from Junhoe.

Junhoe pleasured Jinhwan as much as he took pleasure for himself for all the things Jinhwan did for him he never expected. They were both lying naked on the sofa hugging each other after a wild passionate make out.

“I love you.” Jinhwan said in his faint voice and snuggled on Junhoe’s chest.

Junhoe planted a soft kiss on his forehead before answering.

“I love you too, Nani.”


	3. Heart Like Yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of each chapter is a song title that describes the entirety of each chapter. I'd also appreciate it if you can listen to them while reading it. ^_^

Chapter 3: _Heart Like Yours_

-Willamette Stone-

_“Hold fast hope, all your love is_

_All I’ve ever known_

_How could a heart like yours,_

_Ever love a heart like mine.”_

Jinhwan opens his eyes in shock as he holds his head up and realizes he fell asleep reading his journal. His dream of the past suddenly is interrupted. He deeply sighs looking at the old journal in front of him. He slowly closes it and reaches for his phone from his pocket. He checks the time and it is already noon time. He unlocks his phone and looks for Yunhyeong’s number.

To Yoyo:

_Hey, I’ll be going home. i need to check the house. I’ll just text u if I need anything. Thank u last night, Yunhyeong-ah…_

The reply is almost immediate saying, “ _anything for u hyung. I’ll come by later_.”

Jinhwan leaves Yunhyeong’s house and decides to just stay in his home. Besides, he needs to stay there so that he cannot bother Yunhyeong anymore. He is the kind of person who doesn’t want to be a burden to anyone even if that anyone is his best friend.

It’s been a week since the party and Jinhwan still waits for Chanwoo’s call about the modeling gig they talked about. It has been a week of him doing nothing but to leech on his best friend most of the time as he is still jobless. He actually enjoys his time off from work since he was really busy back in Japan helping his sister’s business there. But he wants to start working again to make himself busy or else he will just end up missing Junhoe even more as days pass.

“Where are we going?” Jinhwan asked Yunhyeong the moment he enters his best friend’s car. It’s almost 7pm as what the dashboard shows him.

Yunhyeong fetched him telling him he has no schedule, so they have time to hang out tonight.

“Donghyuk invited me tonight at 777 Club. It’s weekend, so…”

Jinhwan suddenly freezes at his answer and slowly buckles his seatbelt. He knows Yunhyeong saw his subtle reaction because he can feel the pair of eyes staring at him.

“Our circle of friends is so small there’s no way for you to not see Junhoe once in a while—” Yunhyeong starts to babble.

“I did not say anything, Yunhyeong-ah.” He cuts him off.

“Y-yeah. That’s what I’m saying.” Yunhyeong replies with his nodding head. “And I think Donghyuk also has something to say to you.” He added.

Jinhwan turns his head to look at his best friend. “About what?” He can feel his stomach churned.

“An offer.” Yunhyeong answers.

Jinhwan’s forehead knits at his best friend’s words. “An offer? What offer?”

“That’s why we’re going there because he didn’t tell me either. He wants to say it to you in person and I feel good about it. Donghyuk is a good guy, you know.”

Jinhwan is only looking outside the window while listening to his best friend. He doesn’t know how to react or to feel. What could it possibly be?

“Okay.” He only utters, and the entire drive is silence.

Jinhwan loses track of the time, the drive almost feels short. He is not sure if it is because he’s been feeling something indescribable in his stomach the whole drive. He turns his head to Yunhyeong who is now putting the car into parking mode before glancing at him and gives him a bright smile.

Distant noise welcomes Jinhwan coming out from the car. His eyes scan the area and that’s when he knows they are just around Hongdae where night life is always the best. He follows Yunhyeong take down some stairs which leads them to a more secluded room. They enter a glass door and a more chill ambiance greets them. Unlike the noisy bar they saw from the outside, it is more quiet and relaxing considering it’s a weekend. The tables are almost filled with people having their own buckets and towers of drinks and as he follows his best friend, his eyes are secretly wanting to land on a familiar figure.

As soon as Yunhyeong halted, he feels his heart stops beating too because he knows the moment they stop, he’ll be in close proximity with the one he’d been looking for.

“Hyung! You came.” Donghyuk exclaims as he hugs the taller guy. “Donghyuk-ie!” His best friend returns the hug. He smiles at Donghyuk who beams at him over Yunhyeong’s shoulder before breaking from the hug.

“Hi, Jinhwan-hyung.” He politely greets. “Hi. Nice place.” He praises and flashes a smile trying to find comfort with Junhoe’s boyfriend as he’d thought.

“Thanks. And thank you for coming too. Drinks?” The younger asks and signals the lone bartender to give them something to chug.

“Anything.” He answers not waiting for Yunhyeong to say a word before he requests Donghyuk some glass of water instead. He is filling the alcohol vibe tonight as there’s some sort of racing going on inside his chest.

“Give me something light. I don’t want to have hangover tomorrow.” Yunhyeong makes his request to his friend before he ends up drinking whiskey which he isn’t a fan of.

“We’re here to chill, Yunhyeong-ah. Not to get wasted.” Jinhwan manages to tease his best friend which makes them share some laughter.

“Yunhyeong-hyung is such a light drinker.” Donghyuk added. “No, I’m not. You’re just drunkard, that’s why.”

Before they can protest, their drinks come, and they lift their glasses for a cheer and chug their own drinks. Jinhwan feels a burn at the back of his throat down to his chest. He breathes deeply feeling refreshed, but it is just a matter of second when he feels a shadow over him. His grip on his glass tightens and there’s the racing going on in his chest again.

“Junhoe-ya!” Donghyuk calls out the name which sends some needles in his chest. He looks at the younger who’s face is so bright looking at the man standing behind him.

Jinhwan feels the pounding of his chest and gets chills the moment he heard Junhoe’s voice.

“You didn’t wait for me.” Junhoe manages to joke while stealing a glance on the smaller figure in front of him as he gave his home buddy a questioning look. But he is quick to flash a smile at Yunhyeong beside Donghyuk.

“I invited Yunhyeong-hyung and Jinhwan-hyung. Whiskey?” Donghyuk ignores Junhoe’s gaze and asks the bartender for another glass of drinks.

“Yeah, I can see that.” Junhoe puts his left hand in his pocket while making his way to sit on the chair at the other side of his friend to wait for his own whiskey.

“H-hi.” Jinhwan stutters and finds his courage to sound as casual as he can.

Junhoe gives him a fake smile before chugging down his drink. He knows it’s fake because he can feel his chest tightened. He knows whether Junhoe’s smile is real or not, and he thinks he can never be used to Junhoe casually giving him fake expressions. The Junhoe he knew, doesn’t do or say anything he doesn’t mean. At the thought of it, he discreetly squeezed his glass and gulp the remaining liquor inside.

“I haven’t been here for a while. It’s nice to chill like this again especially now that Jinhwan-hyung can come with me.” Yunhyeong blurts out in the middle of Jinhwan’s realization.

“I’m glad to see Jinhwan-hyung here, too.” Donghyuk replies with his warm smile showing some of his teeth. He’s really cute, Jinhwan thinks. Maybe that’s the reason why Junhoe fell for him.

“Your bar is really nice and cozy.” He compliments which he truly means. The ambiance of the entire place is relaxing.

“Thanks, hyung.”

The word ‘hyung’ sounds so natural on Donghyuk’s voice, Junhoe thinks as he remains silent just listening to the older men exchange words. He’s on his second glass of whiskey now – gaze keeping away from the smaller guy almost in front of him which he considers as a distraction.

“That’s why I want you to work here with us. I heard from Yunhyeong-hyung you’re looking for job and I can offer you some part time if you would like.”

His friend’s next words cause him to choke on his drinks which makes the three guys to motion their heads towards him.

“Are you okay?” Donghyuk nonchalantly asks. “Y-yeah. I-I’ll just check something inside.” Junhoe hurriedly says without looking at any of them and storms off from the scene.

“Is he okay?” Yunhyeong asks Donghyuk this time after Junhoe left.

“Ah, he’s fine. So, Jinhwan-hyung…” The younger male carefully calls out and tilts his head to get Jinhwan’s attention again who’s head still remains at the door Junhoe went to.

“O-oh. S-sorry. What was that again?”

Yunhyeong and Donghyuk exchange looks before the younger one speaks again. “I’m thinking of giving you a part time job here in the bar. Since you’re still waiting for some news from Chanwoo, you can work here for the meantime. That is if you want.” He explains.

“Ah. Yeah. I worked as a manager on my sister’s bar business in Japan, but honestly, it’s kinda exhausting that’s why I took a break from it. I appreciate your offer though, really.” Jinhwan says and shyly smiles at Donghyuk while eyeing his big-mouthed best friend.

He thinks Yunhyeong has already told Donghyuk his whole biography.

“Haha! No, hyung. That’s not what I meant.” The younger lightly chuckles. “It’s a more easy job. Yunhyeong-hyung said you love singing and I think maybe you can play here during the weekends. The band we hire just quit last week and that’s when the topic was slid when we talked.” He said while doing some small hand gestures pointing on Yunhyeong.

“Oh! That’s nice. Hyung, go for it.” Yunhyeong sounds more excited than Jinhwan who is the one given the offer.

“I-I don’t know. Yeah, it’s nice and all, but… I haven’t sing in a while and I don’t know if I can actually work here.” Jinhwan stammers trying to play with his glass. He isn’t sure about what and how to react on Donghyuk’s offer. He knows he’s in no position to turn down the offer because he really wants to have part time, but this is unexpected because–--

“If it’s because of Junhoe, don’t worry about him. We talked about this and he’s fine with it.” Donghyuk cuts off Jinhwan’s trail of thoughts.

“Come on, hyung. It’s not like you’re here everyday. Just a few songs and you’re done.” Yunhyeong encourages him which rewards his best friend his deathly glare but since Donghyuk is in between them, he postpones his plan of putting a hole on his best friend’s face.

“Don’t worry, hyung. Junhoe and I are—”

“Fine.” Jinhwan doesn’t want to hear Donghyuk’s next words so he just accepts the offer. He doesn’t want the latter to think he still has some hidden agenda with his ex now that he has a new boyfriend.

“Yes?” Donghyuk asks with expectant eyes.

Jinhwan forces a smile and nod. “Yes! Thanks, hyung! You can start anytime you want.”

He gasps when Donghyuk suddenly puts his arms around him and brings them into a hug. The younger is really sweet and nice, he thought while returning the hug.

Donghyuk sees Junhoe standing at a distance. Though the lights are dim, he can clearly see his friend’s sharp glare at him which he only returns with a wink and a grin before breaking the hug.

“Let’s cheers to your new job.” Yunhyeong suggested after the hug and the three of them raised their glasses for a cheer.

Jinhwan feels uneasy about the offer, but he thinks it could be a step for him to ask Junhoe’s forgiveness for what he did to him before. He knows he can’t have him back even if he wants to because Donghyuk is a good man and now Junhoe’s happiness is more important than his.

\--

“Why did you do that, Kim Donghyuk?” Junhoe explodes once they get in inside their apartment.

“What?” Donghyuk shrugs as if dense about his friend’s question.

“You want to work with Kim Jinhwan without even asking my opinion?”

“First, we need a replacement for the band. Second, I know you’re my friend but sorry to remind you, I’m the owner of the bar. I got to hire whoever I want.” The smaller guy says without any hint of authority or irritation while plunging his body on the sofa feeling all the exhaustion kicking in his limbs. They got unexpectedly busy earlier that this topic was put on hold until now.

“Well, what if I don’t want to work with him? What will you do?” Junhoe stands beside the sofa while glaring at his friend though Donghyuk can’t see it because he’s already closing his eyes.

“I know you miss him and can you stop whining like a child now? Aren’t you tired? Give me some break.” Donghyuk wails.

“How many times will I tell you, I don’t miss him. I don’t want to see him.”

Junhoe leans back a little when Donghyuk suddenly opens his eyes and scowls at him. The latter lethargically pulls up his body into a sitting position before taking a deep breath and front Junhoe.

“You’re just scared, Junhoe-ya. You’re scared that you might just want him back every time you see him. I said you can tell lies to Jinhwan-hyung, but not me. I know what those looks mean. You miss him. You just don’t want to admit it.”

Junhoe discreetly bites his lower lip inside because he can feel his chest tightening. He isn’t sure where’s Donghyuk’s words hitting him, but he knows they’re hitting something in him he just can’t tell, or maybe afraid to tell.

“You’re not helping me, Donghyuk-ah.” He softly speaks as his expression softens.

“Believe me. This is the least I can do to help you. So, if I were you, I’d be honest to myself for once and maybe you’ll be happy again.” Donghyuk says straight into his eyes.

“I am happy now, Donghyuk.”

His friend exhales sharply on his words and smirks at him like he doesn’t believe any of it. “Tell that to me again once you get back to Jinhwan-hyung.” Donghyuk replies and taps Junhoe on his shoulder as he walks to his room.

Junhoe shuts his eyes firm and drops his weight on the sofa. A long deep breath escapes from his mouth as he covers his eyes with his forearm, letting his head rests on the board behind him.

He works so hard for the past 5 years to move on and completely forget about Jinhwan, but he’s afraid the coming weeks will throw them out of the window and he’ll be back to square one all over again – all thanks to Kim Donghyuk.

\--

(Friday, the next week)

Jinhwan is fidgeting while waiting on the corner for his turn to go up on stage. It is his first day in the bar and he prepare 3 songs per session. Donghyuk allows him to decide how many songs or session he wants to do and since it is only his first day, he goes for ballad songs to match with the cozy vibe in the room.

“Don’t be nervous, hyung. Just go up there and sing your heart out, you’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” Donghyuk lightens up his mood which he truly appreciates. He smiles at the younger and nods before aiming to go forward on the stage.

“Uhm…Hello everyone. I’m Jinhwan and this is my first night here. I have prepared some songs for you, I hope you enjoy your drinks along with the music.”

Jinhwan introduces himself and waits for the crowd, who sits comfortably on their respective seats enjoying their talks and drinks; some are also paying attention to him, before he laces the strap of the acoustic guitar around him. He strums softly to check if the instrument is in tune and he started his chords right away when everything is set.

_(Don’t’ Forget by Crush)_

Jinhwan’s voice resonates the bar as he started singing the first verse of his first song. The process of his song selection just came to him so fast as if he wanted to use his songs to communicate to someone in a way he knew he could.

_If you and I become strangers someday_

_If we could never meet each other_

_Don’t forget me, don’t lose_

_Even if you are holding other’s hand_

_Don’t forget. Don’t lose._

At the other part of the room, Junhoe slowly puts down the tray he’s holding on the empty table in front of him as he listens to Jinhwan’s voice. He already prepares himself for this. He told himself not to be affected in any way on whatever that involves Jinhwan. He already tried his best earlier to ignore his ex-boyfriend, gave him a slight nod and never talked to him. But he quickly presses his eyes shut because his week of preparation for operation ‘ignore my ex-boyfriend’ seems not working to his likings at all.

Junhoe decides to just stash off the tray and spends the entirety of the song in the staff room. But when he finally turns his back to walk out from the scene, his eyes unconsciously meet Jinhwan’s eyes as the older sings more of the song.

_If you and I become estranged someday_

_If we could never meet each other_

_Don’t forget, don’t’ lose_

_Even if you are holding other’s hand_

_If you are somewhere I cannot go_

_Don’t forget, don’t lose._

Jinhwan sings every words of the chorus looking straight at Junhoe’s eyes without breaking the gaze. The younger feels his chest starts to breathe deeply as if air is not circulating properly. His plan of fleeing only caught him off guard by Jinhwan’s voice. He can feel his heart tugging inside, he wants to break the gaze, but all he can do is take in all of those words. He forms a fist on his side containing the rushing of emotion he can feel inside his stomach. Junhoe knows the look on Jinhwan’s eyes. It is the same eyes he fell for 5 years ago.

_Please remember me someday_

_Please look back for once_

_Please don’t let go_

_Please look us forever_

_Oh, my love as time goes by baby_

_If you and I become estranged someday_

_Don’t forget me. Don’t forget me_

_Don’t forget this song…_

Jinhwan manages to flash a small smile across the guy standing on the back looking at him. He knows that even if he couldn’t see clearly, Junhoe is watching him and he wants his heart to reach him somehow through a song. Even if it sends some aches in his chest, he feels a little content knowing Junhoe is listening to him.

Just like the way they were before…

\--Flashback—

(School festival)

“Ugh, I hope we have school festival everyday, so we can just chill and watch people have fun like this.” Yunhyeong declared while stretching his limbs and Jinhwan was walking beside him all smiles.

They were going to their department building as their heads fondly watch the other students walk in all directions, some were yelling and calling at each other, and some running here and there. It’s already the last 2 days of the festival and all there’s left were the music department night party and the booths to enjoy spreading in the entire campus.

“Yunhyeong hyung!” A familiar voice called out. Both of them turned their heads to the direction of the owner and saw 3 guys smiling as they stepped closer.

“Oh, Hanbin-ah.” Yunhyeong responded.

They really gotten so close since Jinhwan and Junhoe started dating and time surely flies. Jinhwan thought that Yunhyeong and him gained 3 more friends (including Junhoe though he’s a promoted ‘friend’ for him) and he never thought his college life would be full of fun memories.

“Hi.” Jinhwan greeted immediately after Yunhyeong, and his eyes laid on his boyfriend who was staring at him intently.

Junhoe didn’t stop when Hanbin and Bobby halted just a few steps from the two best friends. He went directly at his boyfriend and without warning, he leaned and kissed Jinhwan on top of his head. The older guy could feel his ears turned red as his face felt warm.

“Y-yah…” Jinhwan said feeling shy and hit Junhoe’s chest softly. Maybe Junhoe loved to PDA because he always clings on him even if they’re in a public place in the campus.

Junhoe just smiled at him and stood very close to his side not leaving any spaces before lacing his arm around Jinhwan’s waist. The latter is sure now that he is blushing.

“I feel betrayed. You immediately change side the moment you saw Jinhwan-hyung. I can’t believe I could see Junhoe this whipped.” Bobby teased.

Jinhwan suddenly called out on the deity above to open a hole in front of him so he could just jump off and disappear. He really felt his entire face turned from pale to tomato red.

“You should be used to it by now. What do you mean?” Junhoe defended in between his laugh.

“That’s the problem. Look at Jinhwan-hyung. His face could burst any moment now because of you. Control it a little bit before you could give your boyfriend a heart attack.” Bobby then burst to laughter which followed by the others except Jinhwan.

“Y-ya. Stop it.” Jinhwan said but joined the laughter immediately.

“Maybe you can tell that it’s a cue for all of you to go now.” Junhoe said casually which rewarded him an elbow from Jinhwan.

“Hey. Watch your tone. You are still the youngest among us. Show some respect.” His boyfriend scolded him but didn’t sound offended.

“And yet I’m the tallest among you all.” He joked.

“The tallest love fool too. Come on, Yunhyeong-hyung, before we get disgusted even more.” Hanbin titled his head to signal the other guy to go.

“Go find your dates then.” Junhoe softly punch Hanbin on the arm which was also quick to punch back.

The lovers watched there friends walk away before turning their heads to each other.

“You know you’re such a clingy boyfriend lately.” Jinhwan started. “I know you like it. Why are you still complaining?” Junhoe grinned.

“Ugh. I hate you.” The older whined and rolled his eye as they started walking, still glued on each other’s side.

“I love you, too.”

Jinhwan’s heart fluttered. At this time, he wasn’t sure how he was able to handle Junhoe’s sweetness to him without his heat failing with the constant shock Junhoe sent him.

“I have something to give you.” Junhoe suddenly said in the middle of their silence.

“What is it?”

Junhoe just responded with a smile showing his teeth and eyes forming into crescent moon. The younger guided them inside the building and Jinhwan’s brows furrowed when they were walking towards the men’s room.

“Why are we going in the men’s room?” He asked out of curiosity.

“Just wait.”

Worried and curious, but Jinhwan didn’t ask further but followed Junhoe quietly.

There were few students inside and though Junhoe expected it, he let out a frustrated sigh before speaking.

“Everyone, out.” He said calmly.

Everyone looked at him dazed including Jinhwan who is now feeling anxious. What could be Junhoe planning this time?

When no one left, Junhoe took a deep breath and said, “Please. Out. Now.” Being known at the campus, he used his authoritative voice to scatter the students. They are now left alone.

“What was that?” Jinhwan said a little irritated. Sometimes, Junhoe tended to be a little arrogant and cocky when he wanted something.

But Jinhwan’s expression softened when he saw the big smile on Junhoe’s face while getting something inside his bag. He looked like an excited child.

“Here. I bought it yesterday and it reminded me of you. Go change.” Junhoe handed the new shirt at him up on his chest and excitedly pushed him in one of the cubicles to change without giving him any chance to protest.

What is this? He asked in his mind. He held the shirt up to take a good look, but his eyes narrowed when he saw the little print on the upper right. It’s not that big, but definitely not small because it could still be easily read.

“Ya! Junhoe-ya! What is this?” He yelled and ready to storm off from the cubicle but the door won’t open. He heard Junhoe’s little laugh outside the door.

“I won’t let you out unless you wear it.” He demanded.

“Ugh! Everyone knows I have a boyfriend, Junhoe-ya. Thanks to you. This is…unnecessary.” He wailed.

Silence. There’s a moment of silence and Jinhwan saw the door finally opened. Junhoe was frowning and not smiling anymore. He looked straight to Jinhwan’s eyes before retrieving the shirt from his hand.

His eyes widened when he saw Junhoe wearing the same shirt but had a different text printed on it. That’s when he realized, those were couple shirts.

“Fine. Don’t wear it if you feel embarrassed. I’m just gonna change.” He could here the disappointment on Junhoe’s voice and his heart sank.

Before his boyfriend could totally turn his back on him, he grabbed the shirt and said, “I’ll wear it. I’m changing now” before he instantly slammed the door close.

He immediately changed to their ‘couple shirt’ and though it was their first time wearing a couple stuff, it actually felt good. He still felt shy, but the thought of Junhoe buying this couple shirt popped in his head and he couldn’t help but smile. Cute. He thought.

He slowly opened the door and cautiously looked for Junhoe who was standing in front of the mirror from a distance. The younger turned his head at him and slowly, a smile flashed on his face.

“It looks good on you, hyung.” He praised and walked towards him.

“T-thanks.”

Junhoe folded Jinhwan’s sleeve 2 folds to make the look more complete and matched with his. He looked at his small boyfriend from head to toe with hearts in his eyes before mumbling the words, “you’re perfect” that made Jinhwan blushed.

Junhoe closed the space between them and pulled Jinhwan into a hug. The latter’s heart felt full and warm. Junhoe was really something and he was so lucky to be his boyfriend. There was not a day Junhoe didn’t make him feel love and special ever since they dated and for that, he was grateful.

The taller guy leaned his head back to let him see Jinhwan’s face not breaking the hug.

“You know you’re such a big baby.” Jinhwan said when he saw Junhoe’s mouth open to say something.

“Your baby.” Junhoe proudly uttered. Jinhwan secretly bit his lower lip which was claimed by his lover not long after. Junhoe pressed his lips against Jinhwan just enough to make the older moan on his mouth softly.

They heard some students chattering indistinctively from the outside, so they decided to break the hug and headed outside with their hands intertwined.

Jinhwan couldn’t help but let down his face every time they walk outside or in the hallway. Students were piercing their eyes on them followed by either whispers or laughter. They are now heading to the Jiu Jitsu gym as planned. They’ll meet the rest of their friends there to eat lunch together. Jinhwan wanted to change their clothes first because he knew they’ll become the main dish of their friends once they see their shirts, but he was afraid he could hurt Junhoe again. Not that he didn’t want the shirt, he was just shy. That’s all.

Drowned in his thought, he didn’t notice they were already outside the jiu jitsu sparring room and he halted. Junhoe stopped right by the door when he felt Jinhwan’s not on his side.

“Hyung?” He called out. “A-are you sure you want them to see us like t-this?” Jinhwan hesitantly asked careful of Junhoe’s reaction.

But Junhoe’s lips curved upward and walked close to him. “I won’t buy this if I don’t want everyone to see us with this shirt. Are you embarrass to walk with me with this matching thing? If you’re feeling uncomfortable, we can—”

“No! No. I’m sorry.” Guilt is creeping in him again. How could he feel this way when Junhoe was nothing but proud and all smiles with their shirts? He should not think of what others think and just focus on his boyfriend.

“I’m sorry and…thank you.” He plastered a sweet genuine smile before holding Junhoe’s hand this time.

Jinhwan shrugged all his anxiety over their couple shirt and confidently walked inside the room. He saw Hanbin, Bobby, and Yunhyeong popped out their eyes the moment they saw them followed by loud laughter.

“PFFTHAHAHAHAHA”

They almost sounded in sync. “Y-you really w-wear c-couple tee?” Bobby snorted in his hilarity.

“Yeah, and what about it? We look cute, right?” Junhoe casually said and took a seat followed by his boyfriend who pretended to touch his eyebrows only to shut his eyes close out of embarrassment again over Bobby’s laugh.

“Hyung! You really look cute on the shirt. But it’s so funny to see Junhoe wearing this kind of tee. Oh my god. What did you do to our friend?” Hanbin blurted out.

“I guess love makes Junhoe’s last 2 braincells to shut down. Oh jeez.” Yunhyeong added.

“As long as we look cute together. I don’t mind.” Junhoe said which made the three guys laugh even more.

“I-is it that funny? Or b-bad?” Jinhwan sneaked a question to his best friend.

“No. No. I’m sorry. You really look cute together. It’s…it’s the statement that’s funny.” Yunhyeong said who couldn’t stop his laugh either.

“Why? I like it!” Junhoe wailed like a child. “What are you, dude? Teenager? You’re so cringey.” Bobby teased.

“What?? Look. ‘ _Taken_ ’” Junhoe pointed on Jinhwan’s shirt, “and mine says ‘ _by Me’_.” He smiled proudly.

“Arrgghhh, Look. My hands are cringing.” Hanbin showed his knuckles recoiling.

“Let’s eat. I’m hungry.” Junhoe changed the topic and started to dig on their food.

The laughter subsided as they enjoyed their lunch talking what they did around the campus. Jinhwan felt a nudge from his left and looked at Yunhyeong leaning on his side, so he leaned closer.

“Junhoe’s really in love with you.” He whispered and Jinhwan felt warm on his face.

He smiled and looked at Junhoe who was laughing with his friends talking about their last jiu jitsu sparring. Jinhwan’s heart fluttered on Yunhyeong’s words and the scene he was watching. He always ponders what did he do in his past life that reward him the experience of dating the Koo Junhoe.

After lunch, they decided to roam the booths on the field together in a group. Before completely going out the building, they saw a lost and found bulletin board not so far from the main entrance. Since Jinhwan and Junhoe were walking at the back, the older slowly stopped and looked at the bulletin board. He was feeling something he couldn’t describe while reading the big print out letters that read “lost items should be returned here and claimed by the owner”. He didn’t know why but his heart ached reading it in his head.

“Why? Did you lose something?” Junhoe asked him softly who is now looking at the big bulletin board in daze.

“No. It’s just…” He paused and tried to find the right words to say. “A thought just came to me. Will you be able to find me if I get lost? Or if you get lost, will I find you again?” He asked in his serious voice.

Junhoe tensed but he shrugged the thought away and never let Jinhwan notice he got a little scared on the mere thought of it. So, as casually as he could he answered, “Why would I ever lose you? And if…if that happens, just come here and I’ll claim you again.”

Jinhwan looked at Junhoe and gave him a small smile. “Remember? You’re only taken by me. So, I’m the only one who can claim you.” Junhoe reached for Jinhwan’s hand and slightly squeezed it.

“You’re really good with words, Koo Junhoe.” The older joked. “I told you. I always mean them.” Junhoe winked at Jinhwan and they heard Bobby called them.

“Hey, love birds. Come on!”

They both looked at each other and laughed before walking fast to catch up with their group. This will be a fun long night. They thought.

The night was still young, and the students were lively getting so hype to party. Any moment now, the music festival will start soon. Their group of friends were settled in the middle of the crowd to have their wild experience throughout the show. The music was loud, and their heads were banging to the rhythm.

From a distance, a pair of eyes were pierced on Junhoe who was moving his body to the beat and beside him was Jinhwan who was also feeling the music. He slowly made his way to the couple. He stood few steps away at the back of their group before speaking just enough volume for the two to hear them amidst the loud music.

“Nice couple tee.” Jiyong said.

The smirk on Junhoe’s face didn’t leave when he met Jiyong’s gaze. “Right? We look cute together.” He nonchalantly stated while looking the guy over his shoulder without completely facing him.

Jinhwan’s face, on the other hand, turned into a frown when he turned his head and looked Jiyong. He would never get used to the hate Jiyong had for Junhoe and the obsession was always there. He still couldn’t understand why.

“Jinhwan surely looks cute.” Jiyong smirked and winked at the older which heated Junhoe.

Junhoe contained his irritation and tried to compose himself. He didn’t want to cause a scene.

“Yeah, that’s why he’s mine. Now, go to your friends. The party’s going to start.” He said as casual as he could.

“Well…” Jiyong said and swiftly winged his arm around Jinhwan. The latter flinched and tried to shrug Jiyong’s hand to no avail as Jiyong maneuvered them to front Junhoe who’s now clenching his teeth. “…have fun, Jinhwan.” He said loud enough to let Junhoe hear it but acted like he was whispering on Jinhwan’s ears.

Junhoe grabbed Jiyong’s shirt aggressively which caught the attention of the students around them.

“Hey. Hey.” Bobby tried to hold Junhoe who was furious at Jiyong who’s just smirking at him, hands still around Jinhwan.

“Hands. Off.” Junhoe demanded – his voice in deep tone.

“Easy, Junhoe. You’re so possessive. Haha!” Jiyong chuckled and raised his arms off from Jinhwan’s shoulder. The older stepped forward immediately and Junhoe used his free hand to pull him on his side with Yunhyeong and Hanbin.

“Me touching Jinhwan already makes you riled up and I like that look on your face. Seeing you this frustrated energizes me. I just couldn’t help it.”

“If you come near Jinhwan again, I’ll kill you.” Junhoe threatened him out of his anger. Jinhwan felt nervous at how serious Junhoe sounded and he became worried.

“Hey, Junhoe. Let go of him now, man.” Bobby casually butted in and tapped Junhoe’s shoulder.

Jiyong laughed and leaned forward to whisper on Junhoe’s ears.

“Is he making you cry at night on bed? Share him with me.”

Junhoe’s ears tingled and he is now fuming mad. He raised his hard-clenched fist up ready to hit Jiyong, when Hanbin and Bobby stopped him. Jiyong managed to break free from Junhoe’s grip and mockingly laughed at how mad Junhoe was in his friend’s arms.

“Don’t let me see you again. I’m gonna break your face.” Junhoe threatened again.

There rivalry was getting serious all because Jiyong just didn’t know how to stop provoking Junhoe. All he did was target either Junhoe and Jinhwan. But mostly, it involves Jinhwan because Junhoe always ignores him. The only time he could get Junhoe’s attention was through Jinhwan.

“Ya, Jiyong! Can you just stop? You’re like a child always picking fight. Grow up!” Jinhwan finally snapped.

“Just go, man. You’re causing so much trouble now.” After Bobby said it in his challenging tone, the lights dimmed, and the show started which made Jiyong left the scene with the mocking smirk on his face.

“Are you okay?” Junhoe asked Jinhwan when he pulled him back to his side, but this time, Jinhwan was in the middle of Junhoe and Yunhyeong so there won’t be any space for uninvited jerk.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” The older answered. “I’m sorry.” Junhoe apologized again which made Jinhwan’s heart tightened. Every time they end up fighting Jiyong, the younger always apologizes even if it isn’t his fault.

“It’s not your fault. Let’s forget him and enjoy the night. Okay?”

Junhoe hesitated to smile at first but gave in when Jinhwan winked at him and banged his head to the EDM beat blasted by the DJ on stage. They started to have fun and jumped along with the crowd brushing away the scene earlier.

The night deepened, and the party was almost over when they heard the DJ said, “Put your hands up and jump as high as you can. This is the last piece tonight!”

The students on the ground including Jinhwan and the rest of the group screamed at the top of their lungs and jumped with their hands raised up. The mashed-up beat was so addicting and so intoxicating that the students slowly made a train of people starting to circle around. Bobby put his hand on the shoulder of the student on what looked like the end of the ‘train’ and invited Hanbin to hold on. Yunhyeong hopped on next and Jinhwan stayed where he stood feeling a little out of it when Junhoe grabbed Yunhyeong’s back instead and dragged him to join. They were all screaming and dancing around while still in line and got lost to the beat of the music and the loud bass from the massive speakers.

They were having so much fun when Jinhwan noticed that he was not with his group anymore, but other groups of students dancing with him. He looked around and realized he was on the other side of the ground already. He walked out from the small crowd he was in and found his way to where they were originally standing. Since the students were getting wild and immersed into the party vibe, it took him a while to reach his destination. But he was concerned when he didn’t see Junhoe there, or even Yunhyeong or Hanbin and Bobby. The colorful lights were blinding which made it hard for him to see the faces clearly, so he grabbed his phone from his pocket.

“Shit.” He immediately sighed when his screen won’t lit up only to grasp the situation. He got separated from the group and his phone was dead.

He tried looking a little more around the busy and loud environment but felt a little dizzy because of his constant head turning plus the blinking lights from the stage made it worst. A thought popped up in his head and he walked his way out of the crowd.

_Junhoe will find him_. He thought and decided to completely leave the ground.

“Hey, where’s Jinhwan?” Junhoe asked when he turned back and didn’t see Jinhwan holding on to his shoulder.

“What? I thought he’s just right behind you.” Yunhyeong yelled but still focused on his moves.

“I thought so. But someone’s holding my shoulder now.”

A flash of panic crept in on Junhoe’s system when he couldn’t find Jinhwan near their area which stopped his body to dance to the beat. “Hyung, did you see Jinhwan?”

He asked in between Hanbin and Bobby who were busy screaming and dancing. “What?” Hanbin asked again without looking at Junhoe.

“I am asking if you see where Jinhwan go.” He yelled near their ears which caught their attention and finally faced him.

“No. I thought you’re just behind us.” Bobby said a little worried.

“Shit. I can’t see him near the area. Come on, help me look around.” Junhoe commanded instead of asking a favor.

“Just ring him up and asked where he is?” Hanbin suggested and Junhoe was quick to grab his phone from his pocket.

_The number you have dialed is either unattended—_

“He’s not picking up. It looks like his phone is turned off.” Junhoe hysterically yelled.

“Hey, calm down. Jinhwan-hyung is not a kid anymore. He’s fine. Come on, we’ll help you look for him.” Yunhyeong tapped him on the shoulder trying to calm him down.

“I know. But what if Jiyong finds him?” The thought only added on his panic.

“Let’s meet at the gate later. Call us when you find him.” Hanbin suggested and signaled the other to start looking around.

The moment they all dispersed, the crowd went wild and loud as the DJ finished his piece. Junhoe found it hard to leave immediately because he was swamped by the students walking in all directions. The more time he was stuck in the crowd, the deeper his anxiety grew. He should’ve held Jinhwan’s hand earlier. Now, he didn’t know where to look for him in this ocean of people.

He could hear the others yelling Jinhwan’s name in a distance, so he forced himself out of the ground. Junhoe continued to dial Jinhwan’s phone but he got no answer. He went back to the other side of the field where they were originally standing but Jinhwan wasn’t there. He went looking for him in the hallway at the nearest building, but no Jinhwan. He was starting to get frustrated. He walked his way out to the main entrance of the campus but all there was, were booths and students chilling around.

“Hyung. Did you find him?” Junhoe asked over the phone.

“No. We’re on their college building. We’ll try to go back to the sparring room. Maybe he went back there.” Bobby said on the other line.

“I’ll go. I’ll call you if he’s there.”

He didn’t let Bobby answer before pressing the end button. He ran towards their building and ran the stairs when he saw Jiyong halfway the corridor with his minions. Junhoe clenched his fist and aggressively walked towards them.

“Jiyong!” He yelled and the group from a distance turned heads. Jiyong smirked at the sight of frustrated Junhoe.

“Oh, Junhoe-ya. What’s up? Have you thought about my—”

Jiyong couldn’t finish his words when a hard fist landed his left cheek which sent him back to his friends.

“What the fuck?!” Jiyong blurted out feeling his jaw stung. “Where’s Jinhwan?!” Junhoe accused.

“What?! What are you talking about?!”

The two minions blocked Junhoe when he was about to grab Jiyong again. But Junhoe pushed them hard and made his way closer to his rival.

“Where’s Kim Jinhwan? If I know you’re behind all this, I’m not letting you get away with this. I have enough of your bullshit!” Junhoe’s eyes were furious. Jiyong could feel a little fear inside him but he wasn’t the one to show it – not in front of his greatest rival.

“If I did something to Jinhwan you’re not seeing me around here.”

Junhoe hit him again, followed by a kick at his stomach that made him fell to the floor. The other guys aided, and some aimed to punch him, but Junhoe was so riled up that no one ever landed a fist on him.

Jiyong wiped the blood from his mouth and glared at Junhoe. “You know you’ll have to pay for this.”

“Yeah, come at me anytime.” Junhoe glared back before fleeing the scene.

When he didn’t find Jinhwan in the sparring room, he cursed in his head. He leaned beside the door and gathered his thought for a minute. He snapped his eyes open when he remembered what Jinhwan said earlier. He directly rushed that place.

He slowly stopped running and caught his breath when he saw a familiar figure leaning on the wall where the bulletin was plastered. The other guy was playing on his foot and looked like he was waiting for someone to come in quite a while.

When Junhoe felt like the panting dissipated, he grabbed his phone up and called Bobby. “I found him. See you at the gate.”

He walked slowly to where Jinhwan was. His heart almost dropped when he finally saw Jinhwan’s face clearly from the light above him.

Jinhwan raised his head and looked to his left and when he turned to his right and saw Junhoe, his face lit up and he straightened his legs.

“Junhoe-ya!” He excitedly yelled and waved at Junhoe.

The younger gulped the air caught in his throat and did his best to hold back the tears trying to escape. “Hyung…” He couldn’t help but wrapped his boyfriend with his arms tightly he heard Jinhwan softly let out an ‘oof’ sound.

“J-Junhoe-ya…I can’t breathe.” He mumbled on Junhoe’s shirt from the latter’s shoulder.

“I found you.” He heard the younger softly said.

“I know you would.” He caressed his boyfriend’s back. He could feel the anxiety on his tensed body, he almost felt bad that his phone died he could not contact Junhoe or the others.

“You scared me, baby.” Junhoe’s voice cracked.

Jinhwan could feel his heart stopped beating for a second at how soft and vulnerable Junhoe sounded at his nape. He tightened the hug even more to let the younger feel there was nothing to worry about. “I’m sorry.” He said.

Junhoe broke the hug and held Jinhwan on the shoulder as he intently buried his gaze on the smaller guy.

“I thought Jiyong got you and did something to you.” He wailed.

“He did not. Gladly, I didn’t bump into him.” Jinhwan smiled. Junhoe exhaled sharply as a relief.

“What am I gonna do with you, huh?” Junhoe softly said in his whiny tone and made Jinhwan giggle.

“You’re so cute. Stop sulki—” Jinhwan’s words were shut by Junhoe’s plumped lips while the latter’s palms were cupping his entire cheeks.

He smiled against Junhoe’s lips and returned the kiss. Junhoe almost kissed him feverishly, he could feel how worried his boyfriend must have been.

The kiss lasted for a minute before Junhoe ended it with a soft peck once more and hugged him again.

“Come on. The others must be looking for us.”

“Just a minute. Just stay still for a minute.”

Jinhwan melted in his arms and wrapped his own around the taller guy. “Thank you for finding me.”

“I think I’m about to lose my mind thinking something happened to you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No. It’s not your fault.”

Junhoe finally let go and looked at him. “I’m not losing you again.” The younger smiled at him and intertwined their fingers.

“Let’s go.” Jinhwan just nodded and held firm on Junhoe’s hand.

\--

Bobby put down the plastic they had from the convenient store containing the canned beers and some chips.

“Woah! We’re really drinking here right now?” Yunhyeong said in amusement. He was not really a drinker.

“Everyone’s sleeping, and tomorrow is Saturday, so we’ll be fine.” Hanbin explained and secretly winked at Yunhyeong which made the older blushed.

“Wow. You two are seriously flirting in front of me? Come on, man. You two are seriously can’t drink 2 cans of this thing without passing out.” Bobby mocked them.

“We’ll be fine. The room’s just a few steps down the stairs.” Hanbin uttered and grabbed two cans of beer and handed on to Yunhyeong.

“Aish!” Bobby sulked and got his own beer.

“It’s so nice up here. We should have done this more often.” Jinhwan stated while stretching his arms to get their share too.

“Hmm.” Jinhwan moaned while giving the can to Junhoe beside him who was quiet the entire walk from the campus to their dorm building.

“Are you okay?” Jinhwan asked. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Aigoo. Our maknae got so scared earlier. It’s like losing his favorite toy in the world.” Bobby teased and Junhoe glared at him he could create a hole on his face.

“Ya!” Jinhwan smacked Bobby’s chest for teasing Junhoe and for calling him a toy. “I’m not an object. Watch your mouth.”

“Haha! You two are seriously frustrating and cute at the same time. You’re lucky we’re still sticking around you.” Yunhyeong butted in sipping his beer.

“You, sitting next to your crush, doesn’t mean you can talk like that to your best friend.” Jinhwan gave his best friend a teasing which choked him with his beer.

“Yah!” “Oh, you have a crush on me?” Hanbin asked.

“Dude, really? You didn’t know?” Bobby complained which made Yunhyeong choked him with his right arm.

They all laughed at the two strangling each other and Junhoe managed to grin.

They were enjoying their beers while talking random things, throwing lame jokes, and discussing about graduation which will be in a few months.

“I bought my guitar. Someone wants to sing?” Hanbin offered his string instrument in front of him for someone who wanted to play.

“Let’s jam.” Bobby got it and strummed some chords. They all sang when Bobby started to sing his lungs out. It was more of shouting and squealing rather than singing. Lol!

Jinhwan noticed that Junhoe was still feeling the anxiety of the event earlier, so he gave Bobby a look and the younger immediately knew what he meant. He handed the guitar to Jinhwan and said, “Now it’s our turn for our mathyung to sing.”

“Woo-hoo.” The other two cheered and Junhoe looked at his boyfriend receiving the guitar, confused.

“You play and sing?” He asked. It was the first time he will hear Jinhwan sing and he felt his stomach churned.

“Jinhwan-hyung loves singing. He’s just shy to sing in front of other people. He always sings in the bathroom.” Yunhyeong spilled some tea.

“You don’t have to tell them that, Yunhyeong-ah.”

It must be the alcohol that’s giving him the courage to sing and seeing his lover feeling a bit down, he knew he needed to do something. So, he strummed some random chords first before looking at Junhoe with a hint of tipsiness in his eyes. He felt warm when Junhoe’s eyes softened at his gaze.

“Since…I worried my boyfriend too much today, I think he deserves a song.”

The three spectators gave each other a meaningful look. They hadn’t heard Jinhwan call Junhoe ‘his boyfriend’ in front of them. Oh, he’s a little drunk. They all nodded.

_You’re hand fits in mine like it’s made just for me_

_But bear this in mind it was meant to be_

_And I’m joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks_

_And it all makes sense to me_

_I know you’ve never loved the crinkles by your eyes when you smile_

_You’ve never loved your stomach or your thighs_

_The dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine_

_But I’ll love them endlessly…_

Junhoe felt his heart warmed. Jinhwan was singing the song like every word was written for him. Yunhyeong, Bobby, and Hanbin unconsciously smiled while listening to Jinhwan serenading Junhoe who was clearly falling even more in love with his boyfriend.

Bobby raised his hands and waved them in the air and the other two followed as they enjoy the chorus Jinhwan was singing. All of them knew the song, so sometimes Yunhyeong would harmonize with Jinhwan and Hanbin would steal a glance at him. While they were so absorbed with Jinhwan’s warm voice and melodic song, Hanbin would touch Yunhyeong’s hand once they were situated down on his side and the latter would only smile.

They were all feeling the romantic vibe, so Bobby didn’t mind being the only one without someone to flirt with. It was such a good day for them to worry about something not as important as his friends.

_And it’s you, oh it’s you. It’s you_

_They add up to and I’m in love with you_

_And all your little things._

Jinhwan ended up with his last soft strum and smiled at Junhoe.

“I love you, Koo Junhoe.” Jinhwan suddenly blurted out in his soft little drunk voice.

Junhoe could feel the heat covering his face with Jinhwan’s words. He was falling much deeper with this drunk version of Jinhwan.

“Oo-okay. Turn around.” Bobby said and tapped the other two, so that their backs were facing the boyfriends.

“Why are we turning around?” Hanbin whispered. “You are really dense. What follows after the ILY words?” Bobby asked them. “ILY, too?” Hanbin asked again.

“Aigoo!” Yunhyeong poked Hanbin on the forehead which made the younger flinched. “Ouch!”

“They are going to kiss, you naïve.” Yunhyeong chuckled. “Unless you want to watch them make out, then go ahead.”

Junhoe and Jinhwan just watched their friends discussing things as if they weren’t heard. They exchanged looks and giggled when Junhoe spoke.

“You know I hate you all, but this time you’re doing the right thing. So, thank you.”

“Did you kiss him already?” Bobby asked still facing back. “No.” Jinhwan chuckled.

“Ughh, hyung. Can you just kiss now, so we can eat the chips already.” Hanbin whined cutely evident that he’s already drunk.

Jinhwan laughed and faced Junhoe. “You heard them. Can we kiss now?”

“You don’t even need to ask.” Junhoe spoke before claiming his boyfriend’s lips.

The taste of beer lingered on Jinhwan’s lips and he gently sucked his boyfriend’s lips to wash away the taste of alcohol. He felt Jinhwan softly moaned against his lips.

While the lovers were sharing sweet and intimate kiss, the other three started to feel awkward having their friends making out on their backs and it’s almost 3 minutes already.

“Should we just go now? I don’t think they’ll finish anytime soon. I’m getting sleepy.” Hanbin softly wails like a cute little child.

“Should we go down now?”

They all looked to their side when they hear Jinhwan spoke.

“Hyung, are you done?” Bobby was surprised. “Yes, uhm…” Jinhwan looked at his phone before continuing. “…3 minutes ago?”

“Yah! You should’ve told us!” Yunhyeong complained. The lovers just laughed at them.

After finishing their last cans, they decided to call it a day since it was already 1am. They bid their goodbyes to each other feeling the alcohol slowly kicking in.

Bobby went straight in his room and plunged his body on the bed. Hanbin walked straight to the kitchen and got a glass of cold water to drink. When he was about to go inside his room, he saw Junhoe sitting on the sofa with a little concern present on his face. He sat beside the younger and put his arm around him.

“Why do you still look worried and upset?”

“I got scared for a while. The thought of losing him just…got me. It’s…scary. And it makes me mad that I couldn’t protect him from Jiyong. It’s just frustrating. It’s my fault.” Junhoe brushed his hands on his hair.

“If it’s not gonna matter in 5 years, then don’t spend more than 5 minutes being upset about it.” Hanbin lectured.

“Hyung, I love Jinhwan. Of course, he matters to me more than anything.” Junhoe seriously uttered while looking at Hanbin.

“More than us?” Hanbin slipped a joke to lighten up Junhoe’s mood. When he saw Junhoe rolled his eyes, he laughed at him.

“I’m just kidding. I can see how much you love Jinhwan-hyung so much, and so does him. So, stop worrying about someone or anything and just go to sleep. Okay?” He said and squeezed Junhoe’s shoulder then messing with the younger’s hair.

“Yeah. I’ll…sleep. Just give me five more minutes.”

“God, you’re creepy when you’re in love. I’m going to sleep.” Hanbin joked again before giving Junhoe a smile and headed to his own room.

Junhoe deeply sighed and opened his phone. He opened a black message and typed in something.

To: Nani <3

_“Goodnight, baby. Thanks for singing to me. It made me feel so much better. I love you, Nani. Always.”_

The reply was almost immediate and Junhoe couldn’t help but smile.

From: Nani <3

_I love you, too Junhoe-ya. Sweet dreams baby. :*_

Jinhwan’s message sent Junhoe to good night sleep.

\--Present—

“I can’t believe I would see Jinhwan-hyung sing for you again. Wow. It’s been…5 years?”

A familiar voice gave Junhoe chills and when he turned his head to front the expected owner of the voice, he let out a not-so-disappointing ‘tsk’ sound and smirked.

“Okay? I wasn’t expecting that kind of welcome from you…or maybe I did, but wow. You’re too obvious, Junhoe.” Bobby playfully tapped the younger on his shoulder.

“When did you come back?” Junhoe casually asked and lifted the tray from the table again to put it on the bar counter where Bobby followed him.

“Yesterday?”

“So, how was your vacation?” Junhoe pried.

“I almost didn’t want to come back. Raon is just so cute. I wanted to be there watching him grow, but yeah. Responsibilities.” Bobby signaled the bartender for a bottle of beer and smiled before facing Junhoe again.

“Yeah. He’s growing too fast.”

Bobby landed his friend an interrogating look while travelling his gaze back and forth between Jinhwan and the noticeably awkward guy in front of him.

“Are you two rekindled your love story again?” Bobby tried to make it sound like a tease, but he wanted to see Junhoe’s reaction.

“What?! No!”

_‘God. Junhoe. You’re still whipped.’_ Bobby smirked at the thought in his head.

“You’re overly defensive.” He laughed and mockingly tapped Junhoe’s tensed shoulder. “So, he’s really working here? YOU are working with him? The last time I checked you swear to us you will never see him again.”

“It doesn’t matter to me anymore. Donghyuk hired him. So, I just really had no choice.” Junhoe gave him a look.

“Really? So, you’re really—okay, he’s coming. 3’ o clock…” Bobby almost whispered his last words while sipping on his bottle of beer.

Jinhwan already finished his song and when he saw Bobby, he was happy but sorry at the same time. He had been good friends with the younger and his leaving was really not what a good friend would do. He felt guilty again.

He watched the two talking while he made his way to the bar counter where the two guys were. His heart was thumping, but he did really miss Bobby, too. He noticed Bobby met his eyes before sipping on his beer and smiled at him.

“Hi…” Jinhwan awkwardly greeted.

“Hyung!” Bobby stood up and casually brought the little man in his embrace. Of course, they’ve been friends too so, he also missed the older. “When I heard you’re back, I was more happy to come home. We miss you.”

Jinhwan felt Bobby tightened the hug and he couldn’t break down because Junhoe was there with them – though his ex wasn’t really paying attention to them hugging.

“I am so happy to see you, too, Bobby-ya…and I…miss you too.”

“Tell me you’re staying for good now.” Jinhwan felt Bobby’s voice vibrated against his chest which added to the painful needles he was already feeling inside.

“I…hope so.” He knew Junhoe wasn’t looking because he unconsciously glanced at his ex-lover when he said those words.

Bobby pulled out to properly face Jinhwan with his bunny smile which the latter missed.

“So, you’re working here now? It means I can see you here everyday.”

“Hmm…not exactly everyday. I am just here as a part-time while I am still waiting for Chanwoo’s agency to give me some job with Yunhyeong.” Jinhwan slightly nodded while explaining his situation.

“But still, I can call or see you any time now.” Bobby excitedly said.

“Yeah. Of course.” Jinhwan scoffed and looked at Bobby with a smile.

Junhoe felt like it was the cue for him to leave the two before he could hear any more things he didn’t want to hear.

“So, how’s life?” Bobby initiated a conversation.

Jinhwan settled in a high chair beside Bobby before answering. “Well, it hasn’t been that bad.”

“It must have been good living in Japan after all.” Bobby offered his bottle of beer to the older man which Jinhwan gladly took.

“Hmm. Japan has become my second home.”

“And we all thought you were never going back. But I’m really glad you did.” Bobby flashed a sincere smile to Jinhwan.

He felt yet another regret for what he did 5 years ago. There were just too many precious people around him he hurt just because of his selfishness.

The two caught up with their lives, talking about the last 5 years of them being away, and what had life thrown at them. The conversation then led them talking about their past, and yes that includes him and Junhoe. Jinhwan tried to avoid opening it up again, but he was unconsciously the one initiated it.

“I want to say sorry for…hurting Junhoe and for leaving all of you guys. That was…so stupid of me and…selfish.”

“I don’t want to say it, but I am Junhoe’s best friend so yeah, you really hurt my guy. He loved you so much, you know. He didn’t even know why you left him. You never said a word to him or to any of us. To be honest, I was so angry at you, too.”

Jinhwan looked at Bobby with his apologetic eyes before he heard the younger continued.

“It took a while. But yeah, I guess that could happen. We just wished you said goodbye to Junhoe at least. You know, no one knew why you left. Not even your best friend.”

The thought of it and the guilt are still making Jinhwan so bad, and at the moment he wants to cry. But he thinks he doesn’t even deserve to cry for what he did.

“I was a coward back then. I was scared. I was…selfish.” He admitted.

“I understand, hyung. But I thought you love him?”

Jinhwan discreetly bit his lower lip upon hearing Bobby’s words. Heaven knows how much he loved Junhoe back then. But true to his words, he was selfish. He couldn’t find any words to answer Bobby, so he just waited until the younger continued speaking.

“It was so painful to watch Junhoe cry every night and maybe that’s why I was so mad at you at the time. He always asks himself why and what could be the reason why you left. No one could answer him because no one knew. You just…disappeared. It took you years to tell Yunhyeong what happened. Everyone’s moving on with life, but I hate to see that Junhoe wasn’t. He was so devastated, hyung.” Bobby gave Jinhwan a painful, half-hearted smile. He felt so bad for his best friend looking back at the years Junhoe had been through.

“I’m…I know my apology is not enough but I’m really…sorry. I…I didn’t know what happened.”

“Junhoe is not a bad person, hyung. Of all people, I expected you to at least know that. He only did that to protect you.”

Jinhwan was scared to voice out his next question – the question he was meaning to ask from Bobby. He breathed deeply before finding his courage to ask the younger.

“W-what happened back then, Bobby-ya? I want to know.”

Bobby looked at him with hesitation, but he just sighed and narrated everything he knew.

—Flashback—

Jinhwan and Junhoe were walking in the corridor going to where Jinhwan’s locker was to put some of his things since they were about to go on a group date with their friends.

“I told you I can carry my things.” Jinhwan whined.

“Don’t whine like that. You’re too cute. I might not hold myself back.” Junhoe winked at his boyfriend which made the latter’s cheek slowly turn to cherry pink.

Jinhwan just elbowed his boyfriend and shook his head while smiling. They reached the lockers in no time and Jinhwan immediately reached for his locker’s padlock.

“Let’s have some pizza later.” Jinhwan requested.

“Okay. Anything you want to eat today.” Junhoe softly patted his boyfriend’s head while waiting for him to hand the books and put them inside the locker.

Jinhwan was a little surprised when he saw a red box inside the moment he opened his locker. He shyly smiled and sighed before turning his head up to Junhoe who just gave him a confused look.

“Seriously?” Jinhwan interrogated.

“What?”

“What’s with this surprise gift?” Jinhwan reached for the red box and showed it to his innocent boyfriend.

“That’s not from me.” Junhoe honestly answered. Jinhwan’s eyebrows immediately crooked, confused by the little gift on his hand.

“Really? Then who gave this?” He looked at Junhoe unsure of what to do to the unfamiliar box.

Junhoe handed his books which he settled inside his locker and got the red box from him while he locked his locker again.

His boyfriend carefully examined the box before finally opening the little black string tied to it. Jinhwan opened the lid and his body froze when he saw a voodoo doll with a brown string tightly knotted around its neck. He unconsciously held the creepy doll and as soon as he saw the thick red liquid splashed on the doll’s back, he instantly let go of it. He suddenly was terrified.

Junhoe looked at Jinhwan’s hand, now painted with what looks like blood. He clenched his jaw and formed his fist.

“W-What is t-that?” Jinhwan was stuttering, obviously frightened by the morbid prank.

“Jiyoung…I’m gonna kill him.” Junhoe gritted his teeth while glaring at the box on his hand.

Jinhwan felt sudden shivers on his body seeing Junhoe’s eyes like that. The look on Junhoe’s face was so scary, he thought with that gaze, he might actually hurt Jiyoung badly…it terrified him.

“Hey lovebirds! Come on. Hanbin and Yunhyeong are already waiting at the gate.” Bobby shouted and ran towards Junhoe to wing his arm on his friend’s shoulder.

Junhoe angrily shrugged Bobby’s arm which surprised the latter.

“Woah. Chill man. What’s happening here?” Bobby innocently asked thinking the couple had some kind of fight.

The couple remained silent and after a few seconds, Junhoe furiously threw the box in the trash bin at the hallway.

“What was that about, hyung?” Bobby snapped out Jinhwan who was looking so troubled.

“I think Jiyoung pulled some prank on me…or Junhoe.” Jinhwan looked at his boyfriend upon speaking it.

“Hey man. Calm down.” Bobby immediately said when he saw his fuming friend walking towards them.

“He’s paying for this.” Junhoe said in his breath.

“Yes. Yes. We will. But please. Calm down. The others are waiting for us. Okay?” Bobby tried to calm his best friend down while squeezing the younger’s tensed shoulder.

Junhoe reached Jinhwan’s hand with blood and dragged him inside the men’s room to wash the disgusting liquid out of his boyfriend’s hand. Bobby just followed them and monitored Junhoe. He knew his best friend too well. He knew any time Junhoe could really snap. He knew how it angered Junhoe every time Jiyoung touched Jinhwan.

“I admit this is a very bad prank to you. He will really get an earful and a black eye from us.” Bobby joked trying to lift the mood.

“Ha ha. Yeah. He should be scared by now.” Jinhwan played along as Junhoe wiped his hand with tissue to dry it.

“He’s dead.” Junhoe uttered again in his serious scary tone.

“Haha! Ya. Man. He will be cowering once he sees you.” Bobby tapped Junhoe’s shoulder.

“Are you okay?” Junhoe asked his boyfriend, cupping his cheeks.

“Y-Yeah. Don’t worry. Let’s go?” Jinhwan forced a smile to ease his mad partner.

Junhoe hugged him tightly and he just sighed in relief before wrapping his arms around to return the hug.

“I’m sorry.” Junhoe whispered against his back.

“It’s not your fault.” He answered and Junhoe pulled away.

“Hyung, go to the others without me. I’ll just catch up.” Junhoe diverted to Bobby.

“Why? Where are you going?” His friend asked.

“If you’re going to Jiyoung, please don’t.” Jinhwan butted in.

“He crossed his line. He needs to know that.”

“Don’t do anything stupid, Junhoe.” Bobby warned him in his serious voice. Jinhwan was already feeling nervous about Junhoe’s anger.

“I won’t.” Junhoe pecked on Jinhwan’s head before storming off the men’s room.

Jinhwan saw that hideous look on Junhoe again before his partner vanished in front of them which troubled him.

“Are you sure you’re just going to let him go to Jiyoung alone? What if he hurt him?” Jinhwan turned to Bobby.

“That jerk deserves a good punch, don’t you think? Even I am angry right now.” The younger managed to flash his bunny smile at Jinhwan despite his words.

“Yah! I’m serious. Have you seen the look on Junhoe’s face?”

“So am I, hyung. Jiyoung is such a douchebag for pulling a prank like this. This can even be considered a death threat which is very serious. Junhoe’s just giving him what he deserves. Trust me, Junhoe’s not that kind of person, hyung. Come on. The others are waiting.” Bobby messed Jinhwan’s hair and winged his arm around the older to drag him out of the men’s room.

Fifteen minutes had already passed, but Junhoe was still nowhere to be found. Jinhwan was already becoming anxious about what could have happened to him.

“I can’t wait like this anymore. I’m looking for him.” Jinhwan desperately said.

“Hyung. Let’s just wait for him here.” Yunhyeong grabbed Jinhwan’s hand.

“Why aren’t you worried about him?” Jinhwan’s voice unintentionally raised. “What if something happened to him?”

“Hyung, relax. Jiyoung is no match to him. Maybe he’s just taking his time talking to him. You know, Jiyoung. He won’t just back off with one or two lines.” Hanbin replied.

“Fine. I’ll go alone, you all stay here and call me once he arrives.” Jinhwan didn’t wait for any reply. He then took off and found his way to Junhoe.

He went to places Jiyoung’s group usually hangs out, but he failed. After some time searching, he saw two of Jiyoung’s guys, so he rushed to them and asked. The two directed him to their school’s old stock room at the back. His heart was thumping as he walked close to the area. There weren’t too many students since it was already the end of school hours. He was praying there won’t be any fight after what happened back then. He was scared to see Junhoe covered in blood again.

As he drew near the stockroom, he could hear clanking noise echoing inside. His chest felt heavy and his steps became slower. The sound gradually increased when he finally reached the slightly opened door of the stock room.

“I told you not to touch Kim Jinhwan. I clearly warned you I’m gonna kill you once you laid your hands on him again.”

Jinhwan heard Junhoe’s bold voice from the door. He nervously peeped from the opening and his body immediately tensed when he saw Junhoe holding a long metal rod on his right hand while there were spots of what looked like blood on his knuckles.

“I g-guess you like my little gift for your…boyfriend then.”

He heard Jiyoung’s struggling voice from behind the stacks of steel chairs, woods, and other school equipment. Though he couldn’t see the latter, he guessed Jiyoung was already down on the floor seeing Junhoe looking down at the person he was talking to.

“And I guess you can tell I’m not bluffing with my warning. I can kill you right here without anyone knowing.” Junhoe devilishly smirked while tightening his grip on the steel rod.

Upon hearing those words and seeing Junhoe’s murderous look, Jinhwan covered his mouth afraid of being caught sneaking around. His heart tightened, and his body started to shiver in fear of…Junhoe.

“I-I’m calling your bluff.”

Jinhwan’s already shaking while watching Junhoe raised the rod and winged it down at Jiyoung’s directed. He closed his eyes as the sound of Junhoe beating Jiyoung echoed inside accompanied by the latter’s painful groans.

He instantly turned his back from the scene catching his breath. His chest started to hurt, and he flinched every time he heard the clanking noise from inside, but this time Jiyoung’s voice cannot be heard anymore. Jinhwan ran away from the stock room not minding the tears already falling from his eyes. He was so terrified by what he just saw and heard. He was scared of…Junhoe. He looked like a different person.

He wiped his tears as he was walking towards the gate where their friends were, but the fright was still present on his face.

“Hyung! Are you okay? Did you find Junhoe?” Yunhyeong instantly asked.

“N-No. I-I…” Jinhwan struggled with his words as he felt shortness of breath. “I…I’m not feeling well. J-Just go without me.”

“What happened? Are you okay?” His best friend worriedly asked, but his mind was already clouded to even comprehend.

Jinhwan just walked out from them without looking them in the eye. He was afraid he would break down if he did. He wasn’t sure if he could face Junhoe at all after what he just saw.

“Call Bobby-hyung. Maybe he had seen Junhoe.” Hanbin asked Yunhyeong to which the latter complied.

After some time of looking anywhere, Bobby heard some disturbing noise from inside the stock room, so he headed that way. There, he saw fuming Junhoe who just threw the steel rod to his side as he heavily breathed in the anger from what Jiyoung did.

“Junhoe-ya!” Bobby yelled and hurriedly ran to him.

Bobby nervously looked down on the floor afraid of what Junhoe might already did, but he loudly sighed in relief when he saw Jiyoung on the floor with just a bruise on his left eyebrow and cut on his lips. He also saw some blood on the wall near Jiyoung’s head rested and then realized Junhoe might have hit the wall instead of this jerk considering the swell and blood on his knuckles.

“Don’t ever come to school anymore. Or I won’t think twice.” Junhoe warned him again.

Jiyoung just coughed and looked scared. He spit the blood from his lips and struggled to stand up.

“You know too well I’m not going to apologize for what I did.” Jiyoung stated.

“I don’t care about your apology. Just don’t your face here anymore.”

Jiyoung formed his fist hopeless of his situation. He limped his way passed to Bobby’s side when Junhoe grabbed his collar again. This time, Bobby tried to hold him back.

“Say it.” Junhoe firmly demanded.

“I’m not coming here again.” Jiyoung said while gritting his teeth.

Junhoe pushed him away and just watched him limping his way out of the stock room.

“I thought you—”

“I wanted to. But Jinhwan came to my mind. I feel so horrible for even thinking for a second I want to kill him.” He grabbed a handful of his hair out of frustration and guilt.

“It’s okay now. Come here.” Bobby stretched out his hands to pull Junhoe to a hug. He knew his best friend must have felt frustration.

Junhoe surrendered in Bobby’s arms. He knew he needed that at the moment.

“I’m scared of losing him, hyung.” Junhoe whispered on Bobby’s shoulder trying to hold back the tears from falling.

“I know. I know.” Bobby softly patted his friend’s back to soothe him.

\--Present—

Jinhwan suddenly felt droplets coming from his eyes. His chest felt invisible needles pricking it. Remembering what happened and connecting everything now make sense to him. It’s really true that knowing the truth hurts more.

“And after that day, we haven’t heard from you at all. You started to avoid Junhoe and including us. Even Yunhyeong didn’t know what was going on. You shut everyone out and the next thing we heard, you flew to Japan and no one knew when you will come back, or do you even thought of coming back.” Bobby continued his narration. “Junhoe was blaming himself. He thought maybe it was because of him, Jiyoung always picks on you and you got tired and scared of it.”

The older silently sobbed and wiped his tears. He was a big-time idiot for running away from something he didn’t even confirm.

“I’m so stupid. I…I’m sorry.”

“I know you owed your friends an apology, but it’s him who really needs that.” Bobby pointed Junhoe from a distance who was serving tables. Jinhwan followed his gaze and his heart ached seeing Junhoe.

“It was hard to see him almost give up on his life when you left him. His dad even almost disowned him for running away from home and flying to Japan alone to look for you.”

Jinhwan tensed when he heard Bobby’s words. “J-Junhoe came to Japan for me?” He confirmed.

“Wait. You did not know?” Jinhwan just shook his head when Bobby asked him.

“After almost a month when you left, we just heard from Yejin-noona that Junhoe flew to Japan alone. That’s when we knew he was after you. But after 3 days, he went back hopeless. He got worse. He realized you really abandoned him and you’re not coming back. He drank and cried himself to sleep every night. He barely went out of the dorm, stopped going to Uni and he didn’t finish college.”

Jinhwan wanted to stab himself for everything he has done to Junhoe. He didn’t realize this would affect Junhoe to this extent. He was just thinking about himself at the time, and all this story now just wants him to punch himself so hard. He really doesn’t deserve Junhoe’s forgiveness, he thought.

“I…I don’t know what to say, Bobby-ya. I…I feel so horrible right now. I…I’m really sorry for doing that to your friend.” Jinhwan couldn’t help his tears to show and Bobby just smiled at him and gently patted his shoulder.

“I’m not telling you this to make you feel that way. I just…It’s just that, Junhoe deserves your sincere apology and for doing that, you also need the truth and what you are sorry for. I just want him to move on and hang out with you both again. You know, we all kinda miss those times.” Bobby smiled at him.

“I did stupid things to him after I came back without even knowing all these. I don’t even deserve to see him right now. I am still as selfish as I was before for even thinking I could at least be friends with him now that he’s happy with Donghyuk.” Jinhwan didn’t mean to say his last words but they just slipped in his mouth.

“Donghyuk has been a very good help and friend to him. He was there when Junhoe finally wanted to start his life again. So yeah, Donghyuk was competing with me as Junhoe’s best friend. Haha! But I’ll give him some credits.” Bobby lightheartedly laughed at his words and took a sip on his beer.

“B-Best friend? I thought they’re—”

“Hyung!” Jinhwan couldn’t finish his sentence when Donghyuk rushed to him excitedly.

“I thought you missed me?” Bobby teased the younger as soon as he arrived at their spot.

“All you do is trip. Why would I miss you annoying me?” Donghyuk rolled his eyes before fronting Jinhwan with his sweet smile.

“Hyung, it’s almost time for your second session. Are you ready?”

“O-Oh, yeah…Yeah. I’m…going in a second.” Jinhwan stuttered while thoughts were debating in his head.

“And you should give your guest some company. Junhoe’s working and I have no one to talk to.” Bobby winked at Donghyuk.

“Who told you?” Donghyuk pouted and started to walk away which made Bobby laugh.

“He is so cute when he does that.” Bobby blurted out in his beer which confused Jinhwan.

“Wait, what?” Jinhwan gave the younger a questioning look when he heard Donghyuk called out for him again.

“Oh! I’m coming.” He answered and finished the last sip of his beer to follow Donghyuk.

He was only 3 steps away from Bobby when the younger spoke which made his heart hope.

“Junhoe’s still waiting for you, Hyung. I hope you won’t hurt him this time.”


	4. All of My Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of each chapter is a song title that describes the entirety of each chapter. I'd also appreciate it if you can listen to them while reading it. ^_^

Chapter IV: _All of My Life_

_-Park Won-_

_“When I look at myself_

_I changed so much after meeting you_

_I began to have dreams_

_And I wanted to make your dreams come true too.”_

_-_

It’s been two weeks after Bobby’s appearance in the bar and his words still confused Jinhwan. It surely stirred everything he had been believing and he couldn’t help but see a slight ray of hope in them. Two weeks already passed, yet Junhoe still acted cold as he was. But this time, the younger would always get pissed at him for such simple reasons.

(2 weeks ago)

After his second session, he wasn’t feeling the mood to stay inside the bar since he was tired yesterday at their photoshoot. He was finally casted as a CF model with Yunhyeong and his schedule varied depending on the agency booking them for shoots. So, he decided to just stay in the staff room to take some rest when Junhoe went in 5 minutes after him.

Jinhwan opened his eyes the moment he heard the door and immediately met Junhoe’s eyes.

“Why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be with the band?” Junhoe instantly uttered while closing the door and opening his locker to get some of his stuff.

The bar was already packed with people since it was already midnight and it was Friday.

“O-oh, I was just going to take some naps.” Jinhwan forced a smile and tried to straighten his back on the couch.

“Why don’t you just quit here and focus on your job. You can’t even keep up on both. Stop trying so hard. It doesn’t suit you. You don’t even try.” Junhoe harshly said and intentionally slammed his locker door before giving Jinhwan a pissed look.

He wasn’t slacking or anything. He was just tired from his work yesterday, but he knew Junhoe said that to him with a different meaning on it. He knew it very well that it had something to do with what he did 5 years ago. Jinhwan knew Junhoe had all the right to be mad and hurt for that, so he just remained silent. He didn’t mind being hurt by Junhoe’s words all the time if it means it could at least make up for everything he did to him.

The smile on Jinhwan’s face slowly faded as he watched Junhoe walked out and slightly banged the door. He felt his chest tightened and he let out a deep sigh. It surely hurt him to see Junhoe like this. It wasn’t the same Junhoe he knew 5 years ago. But he knew deep down, he made him that way. He was the reason why he changed, and he had no right to be hurt or even complain. He just let him do whatever he wanted because it was what he deserved for hurting him.

Jinhwan was so lost on his thoughts that he did not notice Donghyuk went inside the room.

“Hyung, are you okay?” Asked the younger.

“Oh, Donghyuk-ah. Y-Yeah, I’m fine.” Jinhwan put on a fake smile.

“Did Junhoe say something again?” Donghyuk said full of concern in his voice.

“Huh? No. He just ignored me and get his stuff.” He lied.

“Oh, okay. Your band is looking for you.” The other guy said and smiled.

“Let’s go.” Jinhwan replied and both of them went outside.

(Friday-last night)

Jinhwan went to the bar earlier than his usual time and he was welcomed by Donghyuk with his typical bright smile and a hug.

“Hyung, you’re early.” He said.

“Ah, yeah. Yunhyeong will be here later, too.” He informed the younger.

“Really? That’s nice. I’ll bring your things inside.” Donghyuk offered, but Jinhwan refused and did it by himself when he saw Junhoe glaring at him from a distance without even greeting him – which was not unusual for him anymore. Junhoe never welcomed him since he appeared in his life again, he wouldn’t expect Junhoe to do it anyway.

When he finished changing his clothes, he went for Donghyuk to ask some apron, so he could help them assist the customers while he was still waiting for his bandmates. The owner handed him the apron excitedly after some debating and true to his words, he took some orders and serve drinks on the table. Jinhwan could feel the heavy stares following him around, but he shrugged it to focus on what he was doing.

“One tower of cocktail for table 5 and 2 buckets of beer on table 2 please.” Jinhwan said on the counter while holding his order slip. But he was startled when a hand abruptly took the slip from him.

“I’ll do it and stop doing this. This is not your job to do.” Junhoe emotionlessly said while giving him the cold stare again.

His chest pricked a little, but he forced a smile. “It’s okay. I can do this. I’m fine.”

Junhoe almost walked pass to him when he said that, and it made Junhoe turned to him again before speaking.

“Don’t say that like I care. It’s annoying.” The younger scoffed before leaving him.

Jinhwan unconsciously sucked the inner of his cheeks to lessen the ache in his chest. When he was about to move, he saw Donghyuk glaring at Junhoe from a distance and his looked softened when he looked at Jinhwan. He just smiled to reassure Donghyuk that he was fine after seeing the apologetic look on the younger’s face.

A few more minutes, Yunhyeong arrived in the bar. He just finished his shoot and he promised Jinhwan he would come in the bar to watch his entire session, which Jinhwan really appreciated.

“You’re taking orders now?” Yunhyeong teased his best friend when Jinhwan stood beside his table holding a pen and an order slip.

“It’s not that hard anyway. I’m just helping Donghyuk because it’s been busy here for a while.” He explained.

Yunhyeong’s brows twitched upon hearing his best friend and his eyes immediately caught Junhoe from the table not far from his before giving Jinhwan a meaningful look.

“Okay. You’re helping…Donghyuk?” The sitting man teased again and pointed his lips at Donghyuk who was apparently behind the cash register punching the orders.

“Come on. Stop it. What will you have?” Jinhwan shushed his annoying best friend and got him his order – a bucket of beer.

“Hey!” A customer yelled just two tables away from Yunhyeong’s.

Jinhwan excused himself from his best friend and hurriedly aided on the customer.

“Ah, yes Sir? What’s your order?” Jinhwan politely asked.

“I already ordered. It’s taking too long. Where’s our drinks?” A group of three obviously drunk men said.

“Oh, I will check on it now. Excuse me.” Jinhwan slightly bowed and turned to go to the counter when a hand grabbed him.

“Bring it to us now. Okay?”

Jinhwan gulped feeling a little annoyed at the rude guy. He shrugged it and just went on to get their order. Not far from the table was Junhoe already piercing his glare on the said men. He was busy taking orders from other tables that when he saw Jinhwan went to the counter and his customers finished ordering, he rushed to the guy.

“I told you to stop doing this. Are you even listening to me?” Junhoe’s voice raised a little that it startled Jinhwan again.

“I’ll bring that over.” Junhoe offered, but Jinhwan was quick to get the bucket of beer from the staff inside.

“It’s really fine. I took their order earlier, too, so I’ll bring this over. My session is about to start anyway, so I’ll just finish this and then prepare.” Jinhwan explained and smiled at Junhoe.

Junhoe couldn’t answer anymore when Jinhwan already took off and he just watched his back annoyingly.

“Here’s your beer sir.” Jinhwan nicely put the bucket on the table with the small pail of ice.

He was about to turn his back on the men when one guy spoke. “Aren’t you opening it for us?”

“W-What?” Jinhwan asked confused.

“He said open it for us.”

“Oh. Okay.” Jinhwan picked up the bottle opener and opened three bottles for each.

“Do you want to have drinks with us?” One guy asked him. “Haha! Yeah. You’re quite pretty. It would be nice to have some drinks with a pretty guy.” The other guy laughed.

Jinhwan took a deep breath and ignored the drunk men before turning his back on them. But he was taken aback when a hand grabbed his arm again.

“Excuse me. What do you think you’re doing?” Jinhwan sounded pissed.

“He said sit and drink with us. We’ll tell your boss to pay for your time. How’s that?” The rude guy sheepishly grinned with the others while Jinhwan tried to pull his arm back.

He turned to Yunhyeong on the side who was already standing and ready to help. But everyone was shocked when someone splashed the beer on the guy holding Jinhwan’s arm. In his surprised, he let go of it and annoyingly wiped his face.

“Yah!” / “Fuck.” The other men almost said at the same time.

Jinhwan turned to his other side and saw Junhoe glaring on the said men.

“We don’t accept rude customers here. If you don’t mind, you can go to another bar. Do not cause trouble here.” Junhoe sarcastically said in polite tone.

Donghyuk was already rushing on the scene after seeing it while Yunhyeong just stayed close on Jinhwan’s side.

“What did you say? You just threw a beer at me, you jerk! What? Do not cause trouble? Huh, you’re kidding me.” The pissed guy stood and aggressively grabbed Junhoe’s collar.

“Do you have a death wish?” The insolent man said.

“I heard what you said. Huh, what? Pay his time? Asshole.” Junhoe glared at the man and saw how mad he was. He saw him held his fist in the air aiming to hit him, but his quick reflexes made him land a fist on the man’s face instead and he heard a noise from the crowd.

The two guys came at him, but the bouncers were already there to stop them. Donghyuk called for them and reported the group of drunk men.

Jinhwan was frozen on his feet and his heart was racing watching Junhoe got in trouble because of him.

“Yah! Are you a gangster? Why would you hit a customer?” Donghyuk almost yelled at Junhoe while clutching one of his arms. The latter just scowled at him before answering.

“Should I get hit instead?”

“Then why did you even splash his beer on his face?!”

Junhoe annoyingly rolled his eyes and pulled his arm off of Donghyuk’s grasp before turning to Jinhwan who was still obviously shocked. He aggressively grabbed the latter on his wrist and dragged him in the staff room. Donghyuk and Yunhyeong looked at each other a little confused, and worried. After apologizing to other customers for the scene, Donghyuk followed the two with Yunhyeong.

“I clearly told you to stop taking orders!” Junhoe immediately screamed when they reached the staff room and dragged Jinhwan in front of him, letting go harshly of his aching wrist.

“J-Junhoe-ya.” Jinhwan could only afford to utter after discreetly massaging his wrist from too much grip from Junhoe.

“You really don’t listen, do you?! Look what happened!”

Jinhwan flinched by Junhoe’s angry voice which was also witnessed by Donghyuk and Yunhyeong who just came in the room.

“Ya, what’s going on? Why are you shouting at Jinhwan-hyung?” Donghyuk asked worriedly as Yunhyeong went on Jinhwan’s side.

“Your job is to sing. Not entertain drunk guys! Is that so hard to do?!” Junhoe continued to yell.

“Ya, Koo Junhoe. Don’t you think you’re being too much?” Yunhyeong firmly said while glaring at Junhoe.

“It’s not Jinhwan-hyung’s fault, Junhoe-ya. Stop it now.” Donghyuk tried to calm him.

“I already told him not to do it. It was his fault.” Junhoe insisted.

“He’s right.” Jinhwan faintly said.

“Hyung –” Yunhyeong was about to say something but Jinhwan interrupted him.

“It’s my fault. I’m sorry.” Jinhwan said while head down. He secretly bit his lower lip to stop the possible tears to come out from his eyes.

“You always cause trouble to the people around you.” Junhoe coldly said.

“Koo Junhoe.” Yunhyeong reacted with his clenched jaw.

The words pierced Jinhwan chest and he could feel his tears already forming in his eyes. He was afraid that it would fall any second, but he couldn’t lift his head and show his tears to Junhoe. He knew he can’t do that.

“If you’re going to do it again, you shouldn’t have returned and do everyone a favor.”

Those were the last words from Junhoe before he stormed off the staff room leaving everyone else.

“Ya, Koo Junhoe!” Yunhyeong finally screamed, while Donghyuk looked sorry for the two best friends before following Junhoe outside.

Yunhyeong was about to follow Junhoe and gave him an earful, but a hand stopped him. He turned his head to Jinhwan whose head was still down.

“Hyung…” His heart hurt seeing his best friend. “Why are you letting him do this to you?!” His voice sounded so pissed.

Jinhwan sniffed and lifted his head. He saw the concern look on his best friend when he saw the tears running down his cheeks which he quickly wiped away and forced a smile.

“It’s okay, Yunhyeong-ah. I’m fine.” Jinhwan assured his best friend.

“You’re not okay, hyung. This is not fine. What he’s doing to you is not okay.”

“Don’t worry. I’m really fine.” Jinhwan tried to sound okay amidst the pain he had in his chest.

“I know he’s mad at you, but this is not right. I understand he could be cold to you because of what happened to both of you, but that was 5 years ago, hyung. He’s hurting you for something you did 5 years ago. Everyone already moved on. He only thinks of himself while hurting you. I can’t stay quiet anymore. It’s also hard for me to watch you being hurt like this, hyung.” Yunhyeong said full of concern in his voice.

Jinhwan front his best friend and looked at him straight in the eye.

“I hurt everyone 5 years ago by my selfish decision, but Junhoe was the person who I hurt the most. Everyone moved on, but the scar Junhoe has is deeper than anybody else. It may be 5 years ago, but the pain is still there, Yunhyeong-ah, for both Junhoe and me. I opened up his wound when I showed up in his doorstep again. You know what he had gone through after I left, you should understand why he is doing this to me. He had no chance to do it before because I already left. The pain I have right now is nothing compare to what he has, Yunhyeong-ah. I’m fine.” He smiled, and a lone tear dropped on his cheek which he immediately brushed off.

Pained by the sight of his best friend, Yunhyeong tapped his best friend’s shoulder gently to console him.

“Hyung, can’t you just quit and focus on our modeling gigs?” Yunhyeong almost pleaded.

“I’m staying this time and give that chance to him to do whatever he wants. After that, I’ll ask for his forgiveness and maybe, just maybe, make everything right again and bring back the things we lost 5 years ago.” Jinhwan hopefully smiled at his best friend whose face was discerning.

“Hyung…”

“I can take up this much, Yunhyeong-ah. I’m fine. Thank you for always worrying about me.” Jinhwan hugged his best friend who then just surrendered on his shoulder.

Jinhwan proceeded to prepare for his session and as expected, Junhoe wasn’t talking nor even looking at him the entire night until he said goodbye to Donghyuk as he was already off work. He wanted to say sorry to Junhoe again, but he didn’t force it. The man was still mad at him he could feel it, so he just let it go for now.

\--

Junhoe opened the door of their apartment and went straight to the living room. He plunged himself on the soft couch finally feeling the exhaustion covering his entire body. Donghyuk sluggishly followed him in the living room and lazily threw his stuff on the other couch before planking on the floor.

“If you’re tired, just go straight to your room. Why are you lying on the floor.” Junhoe turned his head to his friend when he saw him on the floor.

“That’s rich coming from you.” Donghyuk sarcastically said and pulled himself up to properly sit.

“What was that about?” He continued.

Having some hint on what were Donghyuk’s words at him, he lazily shut his eyes closed before answering. “I’m tired, Donghyuk-ah.”

“You did that for Jinhwan-hyung, didn’t you?”

Junhoe turned his back to Donghyuk after what he said and pretended to be falling asleep not wanting his friend to be nosy again.

“I saw everything, Junhoe. Even if you don’t admit it, you still hate it when someone touches Jinhwan-hyung because you still care about him.”

Junhoe pressed his eyes firmly and continued to ignore Donghyuk’s words like he wasn’t hearing anything.

“Go to your room, Kim Donghyuk. I’m sleeping.” He lied.

“Deny it all you want, but I know you still like him. I just don’t understand why you keep hurting both of you. You say things you don’t mean and hurt Jinhwan, but it also pains you in return.”

Junhoe couldn’t take it anymore. He forcibly pulled himself up and irritably faced his friend. His look was serious, but the latter didn’t flinch an inch, still waiting for him to speak up.

“Why do you always say that like you know my feelings more than me. Donghyuk-ah, please don’t cross the line. You don’t know anything, okay?”

“I’m your friend. I am supposed to step in when my friend does something stupid.” Donghyuk’s words made Junhoe’s brows furrowed.

“I’m not talking to you about this anymore.” Junhoe annoyingly said and already ready to stand but Donghyuk stopped him and the latter sat with him on the couch.

“What is it that you really want?” He asked in serious tone.

“What?” Junhoe was confused with his friend’s words.

“Why do you always say hurtful things to Jinhwan. I know you don’t mean any of them. But, why? Do you want to get back to him for what he did?”

“He doesn’t even deserve my revenge. I want him to quit his job, and do not show up in front of me again. Okay?” Junhoe was about to leave, but Donghyuk won him over on the couch.

“Why are you so scared?”

“Scared? Of what?” Junhoe scoffed.

“You look scared to me, more than hurt.” Donghyuk said straight on his face.

“What does that supposed to mean?”

“It’s either you’re scared of yourself, or you’re scared of losing Jinhwan-hyung again.” The older blurted out which made Junhoe forced a fake laugh.

“That’s bullshit.”

“Yeah, I’m right. So, this is what it is all about, huh? You haven’t healed yet. I can see from how cruel you are to him.” Donghyuk subtly nodded at his realization.

“Drop it, Donghyuk-ah.” Junhoe’s chest started to sense that tugging feeling.

“You purposely hurt him with your words, so he’ll leave again because if he sticks around, you’re scared that you might want him back again in your life.”

“I said, stop it.” Junhoe interrupted his friend, but the latter went on.

“You’re scared that you might just forget your years of pain and what he did to you and just forgive him. You’re scared to admit that all this time, you still love him. You still want him back and be hap–”

“I said, stop it!” Junhoe screamed as he ascended from the couch and glared at Donghyuk who just firmly stood up with him.

“You don’t know what you’re saying!”

“Do you still love him?” Donghyuk asked.

“No!” Junhoe yelled almost instantly.

“Did you just say that without feeling any pain inside your chest? Because if it does, it means you’re lying to yourself, Junhoe.”

Junhoe sharply exhaled and formed his fist. He hated it when Donghyuk’s words always stab him straight to his chest. He still didn’t want to admit that his friend might be right. He was scared that everything Donghyuk said might be right.

“Why don’t you just follow your heart? Who knows? It may find your happiness again.” Donghyuk gently tapped his shoulder.

“It is easier said than done.” Junhoe uttered faintly.

“I know. But it is not yet too late to start again with him, Junhoe-ya. Of course, you have all the right to be mad at him and make him wait for your forgiveness, but I just want you to do what’s truly in your heart. Hurting each other will only hurt you more.”

“What can I do? Every time I see him, it pains my chest. I can’t just accept him and forget everything.” Junhoe calmly answered this time.

“Of course, I understand that. You loved Jinhwan-hyung so much, so the scar is deep. But I don’t want you to be blinded by your pain and lose your chance to be happy again.”

Junhoe turned his head to look at Donghyuk who is now smiling at him. He wanted to hate Donghyuk from saying the right words all the time, but he was grateful that his friend helped him stand again by doing this to him all the time – telling him the right things and guiding him to make the right decisions.

“Can we rest now?” Junhoe joked which made Donghyuk jeered and gently bumped his fist on Junhoe’s chest.

“I don’t know if you even understand what I just said, but whatever. I’m not helping you with your love life next time.”

Donghyuk picked up his stuff from the couch and walked pass at him to go to his room. Before his friend completely vanished from his sight, he teased him.

“I can help you with your love life, too. Do you want Bobby-hyung’s number?” His voice echoed in their apartment.

“Shut up!” Donghyuk irritably shouted back.

“I’ll send it now.” Junhoe continued.

“Don’t you dare!” The voice was already faint, and it just made Junhoe laugh.

When he finally went inside his room, he plunged his body on his soft bed and let out a deep sigh. He had a long day, and Donghyuk’s words just kept on repeating in his mind.

He covered his eyes with his pillow and sighed again.

_‘Kim Jinhwan…I hate you…’_

Those were his last thoughts before he finally knocked off to sleep.

\--

It’s been weeks after the incident. Nothing much happened especially with Junhoe and Jinhwan after that. Junhoe still ignored him and he was starting to get busier with their modeling gigs. His busy schedule somehow helped him gather his thoughts and ponder of the things he could do for Junhoe. After talking to Donghyuk last day, his heart hopped in joy secretly and want to win Junhoe back even more.

(last day)

After his second session, Donghyuk told him if he could talk to him after his work which he easily accepted. Besides, he had no freedom to turn down his ‘boss’. So, when his third session was done, they both went in the staff room for the pending talk. At first, Jinhwan thought Donghyuk would finally fire him because of Junhoe so he was already contemplating what words to say. If that happened, he had no other choice but to accept it whether he liked it or not.

“What is it, Donghyuk-ah.” Jinhwan asked calmly with a smile preparing himself for the worst.

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I don’t want to make any mistake because it might affect everyone. So, I really took my time and thought about this carefully.”

_‘Bingo. I am getting fired.’_ Jinhwan said in his head before voicing out a different sentence. “It’s okay, Donghyuk-ah. You can say it. I’ll be fine.” He answered without losing his smile.

“I care a lot about Junhoe, you know.” Donghyuk started.

“I know.” He softly responded.

“I’ve been friends with him for almost 3 years now. I came to learn everything about your past in those years. I’ve seen Junhoe at his worst until he recovered. Well, I won’t say he totally recovers, though.” Donghyuk let out a laugh on his last sentence, but it affected Jinhwan the opposite way.

“I know it isn’t my place to meddle in between the two of you, but Junhoe is truly frustrating. He doesn’t know what to do sometimes. Hehe.” The younger continued.

“I’m sorry, Donghyuk-ah. It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have worked here. I am making it hard for everyone. Junhoe’s right. I just –“

“No. No. It’s not that, hyung.” Donghyuk interrupted Jinhwan from his blabbering.

“What?” The older asked in confusion.

“It’s not what you’re thinking, Hyung.” Donghyuk clarified.

“You’re not firing me?” Jinhwan unintentionally sounded cute which made Donghyuk heartily laughed.

“What? No. I’m not firing you. Haha!”

“Oh, really?” Jinhwan sounded soft.

“I just want to be honest with you, hyung. I’m sorry I couldn’t do it at first. I know you’re thinking there’s something between us, that I am dating Junhoe or something.”

Jinhwan’s heart was listening with anticipation after hearing Donghyuk’s words. He remained silent until the latter continued.

“I don’t know why Junhoe didn’t clarify that with you that we are not a couple.”

“I…I can understand why he did that.” Jinhwan faintly answered.

“Yeah, I guess so. But, we’re just friends, hyung. After a month of working with you and seeing how things with you and Junhoe, I think I might have seen something for me to make this decision. Junhoe knew what are my thoughts about it, but he doesn’t know I am talking to you right now.”

“I don’t seem to follow what you’re saying.” Jinhwan admitted.

“I know you still love Junhoe. Am I right, hyung? You can be honest with me.” Donghyuk held Jinhwan’s hands that were resting on his lap.

Jinhwan looked at him with sad eyes. “I never stop loving him, if you want me to be honest.”

“And so, does Junhoe.”

“Even if that’s true, he still hates me for what I did to him. I can’t dare want him back. I’ve been so selfish already. His forgiveness is already enough for me.” Jinhwan confessed.

“What if he still wants you back but he just doesn’t know how?”

Jinhwan looked at him with a confused look painted on his face. “I…I’m scared of hurting him again.”

“Will you hurt him again?” Donghyuk asked in his soft voice.

“That would be the last thing I’d do.” He sincerely replied.

“Then win him back, hyung.” The younger encouraged him.

“W-What? I don’t know. I-I don’t have the confidence to do that. With what we have right now, he barely looks at me, Donghyuk-ah.”

“It’s because you don’t catch him looking at you. I always see him stealing glances at you, hyung. Junhoe misses you so much. I know that for sure. I’ve been living with him for years, and I’ve never seen those looks on him before.” Donghyuk spilled on Jinhwan.

“T-That’s impossible.”

“Your journal… He kept it for years. If he doesn’t care, why do I always see him secretly reading it almost every night. It means he misses you. I want him to be happy, hyung. And I think you’re the only one who can give him that.” Donghyuk held Jinhwan’s hand with both of his and slightly squeezed them to convey his sincere wish.

“Donghyuk-ah…”

“I won’t force you on it, if you don’t like it. I am just telling you that Junhoe loves you so much that he is just scared to lose you again. I think it’s your turn to do something for him this time.”

\--

(present)

“Let’s go?” Yunhyeong’s voice brought his thought back to his reality. They just finished another shoot and it was the farthest Jinhwan did – it was in Busan.

“Can we buy something on the way?” He asked his best friend.

“Sure. Come on.”

After gathering their things in the car, Jinhwan hopped in the passenger seat. It will be along drive, but he didn’t forget to buy the things he wanted to bring home. He still didn’t know how to win back Junhoe, but he knew that he needed to take it step by step. It doesn’t matter if it takes a long time, for Junhoe, he is willing to wait. That’s the least he could do to make up for everything.

“You bought so many of that.” Yunhyeong pointed the paper bag at the back from the rearview mirror.

“Junhoe loves hotbars and spicy tteokbokki.” Jinhwan beamed at his best friend.

Yunhyeong glanced at him with this concern look. “Are you really sure about it?”

Of course, his best friend knew about everything. He made a promise to himself not to hide anything from Yunhyeong again, that’s why he knew his plan of winning Junhoe back.

“Even if I don’t succeed, I know I won’t have any regrets because I at least tried.” Jinhwan uttered while looking outside the window enjoying the scenery.

“I’m always here for you, hyung.”

Jinhwan looked at him and flashed a sincere smile. “Thank you, Yunhyeong-ah.”

\--

(next day-Friday)

“Oh, Jinhwan-hyung! You’re early again. How’s Busan?” Donghyuk greeted Jinhwan who just stepped in the bar.

He still had 1 and a half hour before his session, and the bar wasn’t that busy yet as it was still 8:30pm. Jinhwan’s eyes scanned the entire space to look for some and when he saw Junhoe drying some glasses on the bar counter, he discreetly smiled in relief.

“The shoot was fun. Yunhyeong also enjoyed it. He was so hyper when we got there. He was all over the place. Chanwoo almost scolded him.” Jinhwan narrated and laughed with Donghyuk.

“I can imagine Chanwoo’s angry face. Haha! Oh, what’s this?” Donghyuk asked when he noticed the paper bag on Jinhwan’s hand.

“Oh, I bought it on our way home.” Jinhwan replied and he leaned closer to Donghyuk to whisper his next words. “They’re Junhoe’s favorite.”

Donghyuk gasped and excitedly dragged Jinhwan to the bar counter where Junhoe was. Jinhwan shyly let the younger hold him and Junhoe looked at Donghyuk when they reached him but didn’t glance at him. It wasn’t new to him anymore, so he didn’t let his smile disappear.

“Junhoe-ya. Jinhwan-hyung brought something for you.” Donghyuk excitedly said and gently pushed Jinhwan closer on his side to front Junhoe.

Junhoe’s brows quirked and finally granted Jinhwan a glance which made the latter’s chest pound.

“Here. I just thought of buying this for you on our way home. You can share it with him.” Jinhwan said and referred to Donghyuk with his last sentence.

“Wow. Thanks, hyung!” Donghyuk enthusiastically replied and peeked on the paper bag held up in the air in front of Junhoe who just stared at it confusedly.

“Is this hotbars and spicy tteokbokki? Woah, you bought sashimi, too?! Junhoe-ya, it’s your favorite!” The younger exclaimed.

“I’m not hungry. You can eat them.” Junhoe coldly said and returned to what he was doing.

Donghyuk glared at Junhoe when he saw Jinhwan’s smiled slowly faded and he intentionally hit Junhoe’s shoulder which made the tall guy flinched. It also surprised Jinhwan and the hand with the bag dropped on his side.

“Ouch. What was that for?” Junhoe turned to Donghyuk while massaging his burning skin.

“You should at least thank him for buying them for you!”

“I-It’s okay, Donghyuk-ah. I didn’t ask if he wants them anyway. I just bought it without asking him.” Jinhwan softly butted in feeling a little guilty and hurt.

“No, hyung. Junhoe is being an asshole to you, and I can’t take it anymore.” Donghyuk almost yelled at Junhoe.

“A-Asshole?” Junhoe gasped. He couldn’t believe what he just heard coming from his friend.

“Oh! You’re being an ass for always ignoring and hurting Jinhwan-hyung who is clearly reaching out to you. But you actually miss him and always look at him when he is not looking at you! You just don’t want to admit it! You coward!” Donghyuk snapped.

Junhoe’s jaw dropped along with Jinhwan who was equally surprised as him. Junhoe’s eyes glanced Jinhwan as his mind was covertly in panic by Donghyuk’s words.

“Ya, Kim Donghyuk.” He firmly said with his warning look.

“What?! I’m tired of watching you conceal your feelings. I’m done with you!” Donghyuk turned his back on Junhoe and faced Jinhwan who was still startled.

“I’m sorry, hyung. He is just so frustrating.” And the younger stormed off from the spot.

Jinhwan and Junhoe just followed him with their eyes. Junhoe scoffed in disbelief but he was actually feeling guilty inside. Jinhwan turned to face him again with apologetic look on him.

“I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean this to happen. I…I won’t do this again. I’m s-sorry.” Jinhwan bit his lower lip and slowly put his head down, ready to walk away.

Junhoe felt the tugging feeling in his chest when he saw Jinhwan’s sorry eyes and when the latter turned away from him, he bravely spoke.

“I…” He saw Jinhwan faced him again before he continued. “I…I’m sorry, too. C-Can I still…eat them?” Junhoe stuttered, avoiding Jinhwan’s eyes.

Jinhwan gasped and took a step closer to him to hand him the paper bag with the food he bought with excitement in his heart.

Junhoe glanced at Jinhwan and when he saw the cute smile on his face, his heart skipped a bit. He was quick to mask it and received the bag from the latter.

“T-Thank you.” He softly said.

“Eat them well.” Jinhwan delightfully replied and beamed at him.

“O-Oh…” Junhoe lastly answered and then headed to the staff room while feeling suddenly hot on his cheeks.

Jinhwan followed Junhoe’s back with his gaze and his eyes caught Donghyuk at the other side of the bar grinning at him and holding two thumbs up in the air. Jinhwan raised his right thumb, too and inaudibly thanked Donghyuk.

Junhoe stared at the food in front of him for a good minute. They were really his favorite and he had been craving for them in a while. With all the work in the bar, and the busy season, they didn’t have the time to chill and eat something of his likes. His stomach started to groan, and he gulped at the sight of foods. He was trying to hide the smile from escaping on his face knowing how Jinhwan still remembered his favorite foods, especially the hotbars.

He started to dig in the delicious delicacies in front of him and he moaned with satisfaction the moment the food met his palette. As he stuffed them in his mouth one by one, he could feel his heart being filled again. For some weird reason, he realized how he never enjoyed anything as much as he is enjoying the food he is eating now. For the past years, he couldn’t even remember when the last time he relished on food.

Junhoe must really be lost in the joy of his food that he didn’t even noticed someone coming in. He just stuffed another piece of sashimi in his mouth when a figure sat in front of him and he immediately choked when he saw Jinhwan smiling at him.

“Here.” Jinhwan opened the bottle of water in his hand and gave him to Junhoe.

Junhoe’s brows furrowed and his chest tightened by the feeling of familiarity of their current situation.

“T-Thanks.” Junhoe said hesitating whether to drink on the bottle on his hand.

“Oh. Continue eating. Don’t mind me.” Jinhwan smiled.

Junhoe’s stomach churned with Jinhwan’s words. The similarity of what’s happening at the moment made Junhoe think he was feeling some kind of déjà vu, but this time he was at the receiving end of those lines.

“How was it?” Jinhwan’s voice snapped him back to his senses. He chugged the water before responding.

“It’s good. Thanks. Do you want to have some?” Junhoe offered casually, but Jinhwan only shook his head and beamed.

“I’m fine. It’s for you anyway.”

“Ah, thanks again.” Junhoe replied and started to eat again.

“I…want to talk to you about something. Do you mind?” Jinhwan awkwardly asked.

“What is it?” The younger replied without glancing at him while playing with the tteokbokki with his chopsticks.

“First, I want to say sorry. Though I know it wouldn’t suffice. I know I was a coward for running away. I am sincerely sorry for everything I’ve done.” Jinhwan started.

“You already said sorry so many times.” Junhoe interrupted and he met Jinhwan’s eyes with his.

“I will never stop saying sorry until you forgive me. Of course, you can take all the time you want. I’m fine with that. Even if it takes years, I won’t mind. I… I just want to show you how sorry I am, and I am willing to…wait for you to come around.” Jinhwan slowly hid his hands under the table and squeezing them together to calm himself so he could say the right words he wanted to say.

“That won’t be easy.”

“I know. I don’t expect it to be easy at all. But, I will do everything until you forgive me. And…” Jinhwan paused for a second before continuing, “I want to be honest with you. I…I still love you…a lot.”

Junhoe’s chest tightened and he stopped playing with his food almost immediately upon hearing Jinhwan’s words. His mind suddenly went blank. He couldn’t open his mouth and thought of anything to say, until Jinhwan went on.

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying this for you to be confused or what. I won’t even ask you to feel the same because I won’t dare ask that from you. I’ve been a coward for the past 5 years, but once and for all, I want to be honest with my feelings. Whatever I say, nothing can justify the mistake I did 5 years ago. But I just want to tell you how those years felt so empty without you, Junhoe-ya.”

Both of them felt that sting in their chest when Jinhwan called out Junhoe’s name. Junhoe set aside his chopsticks and looked at the guy in front of him in the eye.

“What are you trying to say here?” Junhoe asked coldly.

“You can hate me as long as you want. You can hurt me as much as you want, I am willing to take that much because I know I deserve all of it. But, no matter how long and how much you hate and hurt me, I will only love you. Even if you don’t want to come back to me now, just know that I will never love someone the way I love you. I don’t think I can.” Jinhwan confided.

“Ya, Kim Jinhwan—” Junhoe said in his firm voice but Jinhwan immediately stopped him with the letter he suddenly took out from his pocket and put it on the table. He saw that Jinhwan taped them back after he tore them that night looking at the scotch tape holding the pieces of papers together.

“I’m doing what you said in the last part of your letter right now. It may take forever, who knows. But I am doing my part this time. I’m going to pull you back to me and just like what I’ve said to Yunhyeong, even if I don’t succeed, I won’t have any regrets because I know I tried.”

Junhoe almost held his breath when he remembered what he wrote on that letter. His eyes gazed at the letter on the table, to the hotbar that was in front of him, and back to Jinhwan who was looking intently at him. He gave him a meaningful look for he didn’t know what to say after what Jinhwan said. He was feeling overwhelmed at the moment.

“You don’t have to give me any answer now, Junhoe-ya. I’m already so happy that you listened to me and gave me the chance to tell you how I feel. For now, I will be contented with what we have right now. I’m already lucky to work with you. I can see you here all the time. This is more than enough for me.”

Jinhwan smiled before retrieving the letter and put it back in his pocket before he stood up making Junhoe to look up at him.

“I’ll be preparing with the band now. Finish your food. Thank you, Junhoe-ya.”

Junhoe just silently followed Jinhwan with his gaze and was left there speechless.

\--

The days passed unnoticeably fast for Junhoe. He had sleepless nights, and ever since Jinhwan’s confession, he couldn’t help himself but to always look at his ex-lover whenever they met in the bar. He became more conscious about Jinhwan being around and noticed every little thing the guy did. Who wouldn’t? Whenever Jinhwan sang his songs, his eyes would always pierced on Junhoe and followed him wherever he went. Each song he chose also hit Junhoe in some ways, though he didn’t want to assume that they were for him. He started to blush, too every time Donghyuk teases him with Jinhwan.

He also noticed that Jinhwan is always cheerful and smiling now which he seldomly does before. The latter couldn’t even look at him straight in the eye. But after their private talk, everything just turned so bright around him. And even if he didn’t admit it, his chest felt lighter than before as well. It should bother him, yet the self complains were getting lesser and lesser as days passed. The weekends started to feel short for Junhoe and felt time is flying. His weekdays felt so long and boring now. Everything just changed after that night of their talk, and he started to get confused of his own feelings. He wasn’t sure if he was angry or hurt anymore. He certainly still avoids Jinhwan and ignores him the best he could, but everytime he catches his ex-lover staring at him almost all of the time, he wasn’t sure anymore.

Junhoe convinced himself that he should be mad at Jinhwan. He should make him wait and suffer for what he did. He wanted to give him a hard time. He didn’t want to be swayed with his confusion. He needed to persuade himself that he hates Jinhwan no matter what. That’s what he believes is the right thing he should be doing. But there’s always that little voice from the deepest part of his mind and heart that contradicts every attempt he makes. Jinhwan started to greet him every time he comes at work. He doesn’t keep quiet around him anymore like he used to, or distance himself. Jinhwan is starting to approach him almost every chance he gets. From simple ‘hi’s’ to his little attempts of initiating a conversation which he only ends right after his first reply. But that doesn’t stop Jinhwan from giving him his sweet and sincere smile – which he hates because it’s starting to have some unwanted effect on him. Every time he sets his mind to ignore Jinhwan, his eyes would always search for him unconsciously and be caught red handedly. When he tells himself to be annoyed and mad at the simple mistakes Jinhwan does, he always ends up thinking he’s cute and clumsy – which he would always shrug off his mind almost immediately.

“You know what?”

Junhoe snapped from his trail of thoughts by Donghyuk’s voice. He was at the bar counter waiting for some drinks to serve.

“H-Huh?” He stuttered.

“You’re starting to smile again.” His friend beamed at him.

He quirked his eyebrows and looked at Donghyuk with confusion. “What? I am not.”

“I saw you smiling earlier and you just did it again now.”

“I did not. Okay?” Junhoe denied and looked away feeling awkward.

“Well, I could understand. Looking at the person you like the most can really make you smile without realizing it.” Donghyuk teased him.

Junhoe could feel the temperature rising on his cheeks, so he turned his head to the other side not wanting his friend to see his blushing face or else Donghyuk will not let him live.

“Stop it. I did not, okay?” He said firmly and was about to leave the counter.

“You should take a good look of Jinhwan-hyung now because he won’t be able to work here for 2 weeks. They have a shoot in Jeju.”

He heard Donghyuk said. He didn’t want to show any interest, but his feet just involuntarily stopped after hearing it, so he just pretended not to care.

“That’s good then. I hope he doesn’t come back.” He should be happy about it, but Junhoe felt a tugging feeling in his chest while saying those words.

“I know you didn’t mean it. I’ll tell Jinhwan-hyung you said, ‘take care and come back soon’.” Donghyuk giggled that made him turn to face the latter and replied.

“Do you have a death wish?” He glared at Donghyuk who just left him after sticking his tongue out at him to tease him.

Junhoe shook his head at how childish Donghyuk can be sometimes. When he went to the table he was going to serve, his eyes caught Jinhwan coming in the staff room and his heart ached for an unknown reason. He brushed off any unwanted thoughts from what Donghyuk had told him and continued with his work.

It was already Junhoe’s breaktime, so he rushed to the staff room to take some rest. The pain on his legs and arms are already killing him. Lately, he’s feeling tired and exhausted from lack of sleep and from thinking too much about everything that’s happening. He doesn’t usually get sick, but he could feel something weird in his body that makes him a little unwell. He threw his body on the small sofa in their staff room and closed his eyes for about 5 minutes to rest.

After Jinhwan’s last song, he immediately went down the mini stage and rushed to the staff room. He was a little worried earlier when he saw Junhoe’s face a little pale when he went to the staff room. He carefully opened the door and saw Junhoe cramped on the mini sofa. He still has his apron on and he looked so tired. A concern expression painted on Jinhwan’s face on the sight of the younger, so he went to the mini fridge they had in the room and got a pack of herbal tonic drink stored inside.

He made his way to the couch and slowly bent down on Junhoe’s side. He internally debated himself whether to wake the latter or not. He doesn’t want to disturb Junhoe, but he was worried that he might actually be sick. In the end, he just settled himself on the floor with the tonic drink in his hand to silently watch Junhoe’s chest slowly went up and down. He can’t help but smile. He can’t still believe that the face he misses the most for the past 5 years is in front of him. He knew things aren’t getting better between them yet, but this little moment can already melt his heart.

Jinhwan continued to adorably watch sleeping Junhoe with a content heart. He didn’t notice how long it has been already, he just enjoyed watching Junhoe sleep. He would trace Junhoe’s face with his finger without touching it and will be tempted to brush off some strands of hair falling on the younger’s forehead. But after another minute, he saw Junhoe’s eyes gently opened and when their gaze met, Junhoe’s eyes almost popped out which Jinhwan finds so cute and funny.

Junhoe panicked when he saw Jinhwan’s face just few inches away from his face and abruptly ascended from the couch.

“Argh…” He grunted and touched his aching head.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startled you.” Jinhwan explained and also sat on the opposite chair near Junhoe.

“W-What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be out there?” Junhoe replied in his hoarse voice.

“The session already finished a while ago.” Jinhwan smiled and Junhoe just confusedly looked at him.

“Okay.” The younger coldly said and was about to stand up when Jinhwan blocked his way.

“Here. Drink this. You don’t look good. A-Are you sick?” He asked Junhoe with full of concern in his voice.

“No. I’m fine.”

“But you look pale. You should rest some more. Here. Drink this.” Jinhwan insisted and handed the drink on Junhoe’s hand.

“I’ll tell Donghyuk you need some rest. I’ll help him outside.” He continued.

“You don’t need to do it. I said I’m fine.” Junhoe said in slight irritation and was about to walk out but Jinhwan was persistent.

“F-Fine. Then, I’ll go. But, drink that at least.”

“You don’t have to worry about me. It’s not gonna work.” Junhoe calmly uttered.

“I know. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop caring about you, because it’s not gonna happen. I will always worry about you.” The older guy softly said while looking straight at Junhoe.

“And should I supposed to believe that now?” Junhoe scoffed before he continued. “Why don’t you just leave for good and stop bothering me?”

Jinhwan bit his lower lip upon hearing Junhoe’s harsh words again. “I’m not leaving you again, Junhoe-ya.”

“You said you’ll do anything for me, right?” Junhoe responded.

“Yes. What is it? Just tell me anything.” Jinhwan replied with some hint of hope in his voice.

“I want you to leave and never appear in front of me again. Can you do that for me?” Junhoe firmly said in Jinhwan’s face while glaring at him.

Jinhwan held his breath and gulped the lump of air in his throat. He felt like someone was gripping his chest so tight that it hurt.

“J-Junhoe-ya…”

They both heard the door opened and it revealed Donghyuk. “Ya! Junhoe, we have – “ Donghyuk didn’t continue his sentence when he saw the two and felt the heavy tension inside the room.

“See? You’re not just a coward, but a liar.” Junhoe continued.

“Ya, Koo Junhoe. What is it this time?” Donghyuk walked towards the two, feeling worried when he heard it and saw Jinhwan’s eyes already forming some tears.

“I…I can’t do—” Jinhwan answered but was immediately interrupted.

“Oh, and please. Stop calling my name. I hate it so much and it disgusts me.”

“Ya, Koo Junhoe! That’s enough!” Donghyuk almost yelled at Junhoe while holding Jinhwan’s arm.

“I’m fine, Donghyuk-ah.” Jinhwan forced a smile but his tears can’t help but fall on his cheeks. “Thank you for tonight. See you next time.” He gently tapped Donghyuk’s shoulder and hurriedly picked his things from his locker. Donghyuk just watched him leave the room with apologetic look on his face.

“I can’t believe you, Koo Junhoe.” Donghyuk glared at Junhoe.

“What now?!” The latter raised his voice.

“I told you to stop hurting yourself and Jinhwan-hyung.” Donghyuk lectured again.

“Why does everyone always take his side? He was the one who left me, Donghyuk! I was the one who almost died from the pain he did to me. Why do I feel like everyone is blaming everything to me?! It’s always Jinhwan! Jinhwan! Then how about me?!” Junhoe finally exploded that surprised Donghyuk.

“J-Junhoe-ya…” Donghyuk softly uttered.

“You only cared about his feelings. I thought you’re my friend? Why are you only thinking about Jinhwan?” Junhoe rapidly blinked away the tears already forming in his eyes. He must be really unwell that he is being so sensitive and emotional at the moment, he thought.

“I care about you more than anyone, Junhoe-ya. That’s why I want you to stop pretending and be happy.” His friend calmly explained.

“That’s not what I’m feeling right now. Every time you defend him, I feel betrayed. Like, no one cares about my pain!”

“That’s not true, Junhoe-ya. I just want you to be happy.” Donghyuk softly uttered.

“Oh, yeah? Why can’t you just accept that I will never be happy with Jinhwan again?! All there’s left is pain, Donghyuk.” Junhoe’s voice is starting to break.

“And it is blinding you. Your love for Jinhwan-hyung is greater than the mistake he did 5 years ago. Why can’t you see that? You’re being a prisoner of your scar and it’s hindering you to be happy.” The other guy held him on both arms which only triggered Junhoe’s tears more.

“I don’t care about him anymore, Donghyuk-ah. I want him gone in my life. I don’t want to see him again! I wish he didn’t come back and hurt me like this again.”

“I thought you don’t say things you don’t mean? Why do you always say that? Is that really what you want?” Donghyuk asked him full of concern in his voice.

“I’m already fine without him. He’s only making it hard for me everyday. It…hurts so much, Donghyuk-ah.” Junhoe finally broke down on Donghyuk’s shoulder.

On the other side of the door was Jinhwan who heard those heart-clenching words. He made Junhoe cried. The words stabbed him right in his chest and all he could do was to let his tears fall. Was he being selfish again? Is he hurting Junhoe again by wanting him back? The pain is slowly growing inside him and he couldn’t stand to hear the next words anymore, so he left his spot wiping the flowing tears on his cheeks. Maybe it was really a bad decision for him to come back, he thought.

“Sshh…Let it out. You should let it all out. Being hurt is part of loving someone too much, Junhoe-ya. Healing takes time. But being hurt doesn’t mean you should stop yourself from loving again. It takes courage to move forward, Junhoe-ya. If you don’t take that one step, you will never be able to do it again. If you don’t want to go back to Jinhwan-hyung, I won’t force you anymore. But I want you to be brave and be honest to yourself.” Donghyuk said while caressing Junhoe’s back.

The latter just sniffed on his shoulder letting the tears and his emotions out.

“Maybe it’s better for both of you to think things on your own while Jinhwan-hyung is in Jeju for 2 weeks. I’ll give you that time to decide whether you still want him to work here or not.” Donghyuk seriously uttered.

Junhoe raised his head and looked at his best friend with confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“You said it hurts every time you see him. I like Jinhwan-hyung. But, if you’re having a hard time because of him, you can tell me. Though I’m not planning to do it, I will fire him for your sake.” Donghyuk said looking sad but sincere with his words.

“Donghyuk-ah…” Junhoe could only uttered faintly.

“You’re my friend, remember? I just don’t want to see you like this again. I’m sorry for being so nosy. I won’t do it again.” Donghyuk squeezed Junhoe’s arm and smiled.

“But I want you to think about it carefully, okay? Ask yourself if you really want him gone in your life. Whatever decision you make, I’m here for you.” The guy continued.

“Thank you, Donghyuk-ah.”

\--

Yunhyeong and Jinhwan are already in Jeju and are preparing for the CF shoot. Yunhyeong is excited for this project because this will be a big break for Jinhwan and of course for him though he has already built his name in this industry.

“Hyung, are you okay?” Yunhyeong snaps Jinhwan who’s staring blankly somewhere.

“H-Huh? Y-Yeah. I’m fine.” Jinhwan fakes a smile.

“You’ve been quiet since yesterday. You didn’t even talk to me in the plane. What’s wrong? Is this about Junhoe again?” His best friend pried.

“I feel like I’m making a wrong decision again, Yunhyeong-ah. I feel like I’m hurting Junhoe too much. I told myself not to hurt him again, but that’s all I did ever since I came back.” Jinhwan faintly explained.

“Hyung, you’re doing your best for him. Don’t be too hard on yourself.” Yunhyeong puts his arm around Jinhwan shoulder to console his best friend.

“I’m not doing enough, Yunhyeong-ah. If I don’t do anything like what he wants me to do, I won’t be able to reach out to him. If I do something to win him over and his forgiveness, it only causes him pain. I don’t know what to do anymore. Maybe I really don’t have a place in his life anymore.” Jinhwan let out a deep and hurtful sigh. “He said he doesn’t want me in his life again. He said it pains him to see me. He…wants me gone, Yunhyeong-ah.” His voice is a little shaky.

“Hyung…” Yunhyeong hugged him which only prompted the potential tears from falling. “Everything will be fine. He’s hurting, and I know Junhoe. He just said that because he was hurt.”

“He doesn’t say things he doesn’t mean. You know that.” Jinhwan faintly said and made Yunhyeong break the hug to look at him.

“Pain changes people, hyung.”

“That means he really doesn’t care about me anymore. Maybe I should just go back to Japan for everyone’s sake.” Jinhwan cutely pouted, but there’s already tears forming on the corner of his eyes.

“Hey, don’t say that. Everyone is happy that you’re back. You’re still trying to reach out to him, hyung. Don’t give up easily. Okay? I’m here for you. I will always support you with whatever decision you’ll make.” Yunhyeong brought him to an embrace again which finally made him cry.

“I love him so much, Yunhyeong-ah.” Jinhwan said in between his tears.

“I know, hyung.” His best friend caressed his back and he let all his emotions out.

“For now, let’s focus on this project. This could be your big break. Let’s do our best, okay?”

Jinhwan only nodded and sniffed on his shoulder as a response. After calming themselves, they started preparing for the shoot. Jinhwan knew he can’t give up on Junhoe after just some painful words. He already prepared himself for the worst, so he firmly convinced himself not to back down and do his best for Junhoe.

\--

It’s already been a week and they are almost half way of their shoot. He’s been busy but Jinhwan still updates on Donghyuk about Junhoe almost everyday while focusing on his project. Though every time he attempts to talk to him, the younger just flatly rejects him and walk out from the screen during his video call with Donghyuk. The latter would just then send him stolen photos of Junhoe while working or sleeping in their apartment. He’s really thankful that Donghyuk is a nice guy.

“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe that we’re going to shoot an important scene tomorrow. I need to beauty rest tonight.” Yunhyeong exclaimed. They’re already in their room to rest.

“You’ll nail it. You don’t have to worry.” Jinhwan smiled at his best friend who’s obviously thrilled by their big day.

“You should rest, too. You’ve been working nonstop since we came here.”

“Don’t exaggerate, Yunhyeong-ah. Now go to your bed and sleep.” Jinhwan teased the younger which he then complied without any complains.

Jinhwan stepped out on the balcony of their hotel room and dialed Donghyuk’s number.

_“Hyung!”_ An excited Donghyuk exclaimed on the other line.

“Donghyuk-ah, are you busy? Is it okay to call?” He worriedly asked.

_“Of course, hyung. Anytime!”_

“H-How are you there? How’s…Junhoe?” He shyly inquired.

_“He’s fine. Though, he doesn’t look really well. I told him to take a day off, but since he is Junhoe, he still went here. But don’t worry. I’m keeping a close eye on him.”_

Jinhwan heard Donghyuk chuckled on the other line. He exhaled and let out a small smile after hearing the younger’s assurance.

“Thank you, Donghyuk-ah…and I’m sorry.” He weakly said.

_“Why are you saying sorry?”_

“I’m putting you in the middle of this. I…I’m sorry and thank you.” Jinhwan looked at the night sky and closed his eyes for a second to feel the cold breeze.

_“It’s all fine, hyung. You don’t need to say anything. Really.”_

Jinhwan contently smiled though the guy on the phone couldn’t see it. “Thanks. Well, I’m hanging up now. I don’t want to take up too much of your time. We’re going to sleep now, too since we need to be early tomorrow.”

_“Goodluck, hyung! Talk to you again tomorrow! We miss you here!”_

After bidding his goodbye, he went inside their room and slept for the night. He indeed has big day tomorrow.

\--

(next day)

The crew is busy to set up the lights and the equipment for the shoot while Jinhwan and Yunhyeong are already preparing with their glam team. As their project manager and director are quite strict, they showed up on time. Jinhwan is feeling nervous but excited at the same time. This will be his biggest project so far and he doesn’t want to break the trust the director has given him to take on such project despite being new to the industry. Yunhyeong is being a proud best friend, as well. He would always brag Jinhwan to the production team, but then will always compliment himself more – just a typical narcissistic Yunhyeong.

The shoot started smoothly - from their cover to individual photoshoots. Everyone is applauding them for doing a great take. The main shoot will be done on their next site, so after their photoshoots they’ll need to go onto the other venue.

Jinhwan is currently being taken care of one of his hair stylists. The lady is wiping the droplets of sweat on his face while fixing his hair at the same time. He is holding his mini fan on his other hand while trying to reach for his phone.

“Here, hyung.” Yunhyeong must have noticed him struggling on picking up his phone from his bag, so the latter gets it for him.

“Oh, thanks.” He smiled and unlocked his phone. His brows instantly quirked when he saw 5 missed calls from Donghyuk.

Jinhwan immediately dialed Donghyuk’s number and waited for him to pick up. After just a ring, he heard the guy on the other line speak.

_“Hyung.”_

“Yes, Donghyuk-ah. Why did you call? We’re in the middle of shoot right now. Did something happen?” Jinhwan calmly asked.

_“I’m at the hospital with Junhoe.”_

Jinhwan froze when he heard what Donghyuk said. “What? Why? What happened?” His voice started to shake.

Yunhyeong overheard his best friend so he walked towards him and mouthed what’s wrong to which Jinhwan just responded with a confused look.

_“I rushed Junhoe here because he’s running a high fever. But don’t worry. The doctor said he’ll be fine after some IV and rest.”_ Donghyuk said.

“O-oh, okay. How was he now?” He worriedly inquired.

_“He’s fine, hyung. He’s sleeping right now. I think we’ll be out tonight after some good rest. I’m sorry to make you worry.”_ Donghyuk sounded apologetic on the other line.

“No. No. It’s okay. Thank you for telling me.”

Yunhyeong took a step closer to him when he heard his best friend bid his goodbye on the phone. “What is it?”

“J-Junhoe is in the hospital.” Jinhwan explained.

“What? Why? Did something happened?” Yunhyeong asked worriedly as well.

“He’s sick but Donghyuk said he just needed some IV and rest.” Jinhwan uttered while staring blankly on his phone screen.

Yunhyeong laced his arm around his best friend when he saw the worried look on him. “He’s Junhoe. He’ll be fine. Maybe he just needed a good rest. Don’t worry too much, okay? We’ll be leaving in half an hour to another site.” He reminded his best friend who just looked at him nodded.

Everyone’s packing their things already, but Jinhwan just remained seated in front of the mirror and looked so absentmindedly. He wanted to see Junhoe. He wanted to at least make himself sure that Junhoe was fine and there’s nothing to worry about. His thumbs were hovering above his phone screen undecided whether he should call to check again or just let it go. There’s a tingling feeling in his chest, he couldn’t just shrugged off. Junhoe wasn’t the type of person who gets sick easily, even during those time that they were together. Junhoe never got sick. That’s why he’s feeling uneasy knowing the younger is in the hospital.

“Hyung, are you okay? Let’s go?” Yunhyeong broke his thoughts and tapped him on the shoulder.

“O-Oh, I haven’t packed yet.” He stuttered.

“I did it. I got help from the staff, too. You look so worried.”

Jinhwan fake a smile but truly feeling grateful he has a friend like Yunhyeong. “Thank you, Yunhyeong-ah…and I’m sorry.”

“Stop it. Come on. I’ll drive for us, so you can relax. How about that?” His best friend beamed at him.

Jinhwan just responded his best friend with a faint smile and a nod. All the crew headed to the site one by one and the two best friends also went to the parking lot to start their trip. Yunhyeong was already about to open his driver’s seat door when Jinhwan spoke which made him halted.

“Can I drive?” He offered.

“Oh, are you sure?” Yunhyeong confusedly asked but smiled.

“Come on. We’ll be late.” Jinhwan said and headed over to where Yunhyeong was standing to get the key from him.

His best friend excitedly went to the other side of the car and hopped in. With Jinhwan driving for them, he could at least rest in the car for an hour until their next shoot. He thought maybe Jinhwan needed something on his hands to get busy and revert his thoughts from worrying too much, so he let him.

As they hit the road, as expected, Jinhwan was quiet and Yunhyeong just played some songs from his playlist. They were both quiet, but the silence is rather comfortable. Yunhyeong didn’t want to speak knowing his best friend is not in a great mood at the moment and he also wanted to rest for a bit. He just casually checked on his side to see if Jinhwan’s really fine. After all, being friends with him for almost a decade already gives him that luxury to read his best friends. He just shrugged the look on Jinhwan’s face and enjoy the scenery outside the window. Jeju is really a relaxing place to go to for vacation. Aside from the breathtaking scenery of the ocean, Jeju in general is beautiful. No doubt it became a very famous tourist destination for people from around the globe.

They are hitting the expressway now, but Yunhyeong immediately turned to Jinhwan when their car turned left instead of right which is the way to their next site.

“Hyung, where are we going?” He worriedly asked. Yunhyeong wished his hunch was wrong.

“I’m sorry, Yunhyeong-ah.” Jinhwan apologized without breaking his intent gaze on the road.

“Please don’t do this, hyung. He’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry too much. Junhoe is a strong guy. A little fever won’t kill him. Please. Let’s take a U-turn on the next lane, okay?” Yunhyeong almost pleaded.

“He never gets sick, Yunhyeong-ah. I’ll just check on him, and I will be back again before you know it.” Jinhwan glanced at his best friend.

“You know I’ll let you go if it’s not for this project. Hyung, you are throwing everything you’ve worked for. Did you know that? This is a huge project. They won’t let you go after some scolding. Worst, they’ll fire you.” The serious tone from his best friend made Jinhwan more guilty than he already was, but he couldn’t stop himself at the moment.

“I wouldn’t be driving right now if I care about that, Yunhyeong-ah. You can be disappointed at me right now. But I wish you can understand.” Jinhwan softly uttered.

Yunhyeong let out a heavy sigh before replying. “I am disappointed at you right now. But I know I can’t stop you either. I just hope you won’t regret doing this.”

“I only have one regret, Yunhyeong-ah. It was leaving Junhoe, you, and everyone behind.” Jinhwan said and his eyes caught the highway sign reading ‘ _Jeju International Airport’_.

“I really don’t want to say this, but hyung…Junhoe went through hell for the past 5 years. I mean, I think you’re overdramatic over a fever from exhaustion. I want you to think over it. We can still go back. Please.” Yunhyeong softly begged looking at his best friend whose eyes still fixed on the road.

When he thought Jinhwan would answer him, he just sighed in defeat and turned his head to the window. He knew by the look on Jinhwan’s face that nothing can change his mind anymore, so he just kept quiet with a heavy heart.

In no time, their car is now taking a turn to the departure entrance of the airport. Jinhwan put the car on hazard parking and took a deep breath before facing his best friend.

“I’m sorry for being a disappointment to you, Yunhyeong-ah. I mean it. You are right. Junhoe went through the worst and that’s because of me. Knowing all that breaks my heart.” Jinhwan saw Yunhyeong looked at him with an apologetic look on his face before he continued. “In those years, I was away missing him continuing life and thinking I was feeling the worst, but he was all alone enduring the shits I’ve inflicted him. I wasn’t there for him. I left him to suffer, Yunhyeong-ah. Now that I have a chance to be with him when he’s feeling sick, do you think I would just sit idly and wait for him to get better?”

“Hyung…” Yunhyeong softly said.

“You told me not to give up on him easily. That’s what I’m doing, Yunhyeong-ah. I wanted to do everything I can for him this time, even if it means sacrificing a little. So, please understand why I am doing this. I love him, Yunhyeong-ah. Hmm?” Jinhwan reached out for his best friend’s hand and faintly flashed a weak smile.

“Come here.” Yunhyeong replied and brought his friend into a hug. He gently caressed Jinhwan’s back. “Even if I am a little disappointed, I told you I will be your support to whatever you’re decision is, as long as it makes you happy.”

“Thank you…Thank you, Yunhyeong-ah.” Jinhwan tightened the hug before totally pulling himself back and grasped his personal bag in the backseat.

They both said goodbye and Jinhwan immediately vanished from Yunhyeong’s sight. He knew he’ll handle this mess Jinhwan created, but he was happy to see Jinhwan becoming brave each day, which he didn’t see from his best friend 5 years ago. And so, he went on driving himself to their next venue, preparing himself for an earful from the staff and Chanwoo.

\--

“Hyung!” Donghyuk waved his right hand when he saw Jinhwan entered the lobby of the hospital they were in. The latter already told him that he was just checking up on Junhoe then he’ll be back in the morning once Junhoe will be discharged.

“Oh, Donghyuk-ah. Where’s Junhoe?” Jinhwan instantly asked when he met the younger.

“Come on. I’ll take you to his room. Thanks for coming, hyung.” Donghyuk said while beaming at him as they walked to Junhoe’s room.

“Please don’t tell Junhoe about this. I don’t want you both to fight again because of me. I know…he’ll get mad at you for letting me go here.” Jinhwan shyly uttered.

“I got you, hyung. Don’t worry, and believe me. He’ll get mad about it, but I know he’ll be happy knowing you flew all the way from Jeju just to check him.” Donghyuk teasingly smiled at him which made him happy hearing.

They reached the male room where Junhoe was admitted. He was sleeping on the third hospital bed on the corner of the vast room. Jinhwan’s heart tightened at the sight of the syringe connected on Junhoe’s hand. It was his first time seeing Junhoe in a hospital unconscious. In the period of their relationship, it was always Junhoe who protected him and took care of him – even when he got sick sometimes. It pained him seeing Junhoe like that.

He sat on the chair beside his ex’s bed and stared at his sleeping state intently.

“Junhoe looked so strong and healthy outside. So, it’s a little funny seeing him here.”

Jinhwan turned his head to Donghyuk who was standing next to him.

“I’ve seen Junhoe wasted, overworked, and broken. He had been in his worst. He would always recover a day or two. But I’ve only seen his body collapsed like this twice. First, when he heard about you for the first time after more than 2 years after you left, and now this.” Donghyuk said without breaking his gaze on his friend.

Jinhwan motioned his head back to look at Junhoe with a heavy heart. As he thought, it was his fault again. Everything is just his fault.

“This happens every time he lies to himself.”

Confused of what just Donghyuk said, he asked. “What do you mean?”

“You know. He lies to himself about not giving a fuck about you. He tends to convince himself about it. So, he’ll make himself busy either at work or other things. His thoughts keep him up all night for I don’t know how many days resulting to his lack of sleep. He forces himself to do things just to believe what he wants to. He always pushes himself to his limits until his body couldn’t keep up with the exhaustion and then he just collapses.”

“So, it’s all my fault…again.” Jinhwan said with a prick in his chest. He wanted to hold Junhoe’s resting hand, but after hearing everything from Donghyuk, all he could is just stare at it feeling guilty.

“It’s not your fault, hyung. I’m not blaming you for it. I am blaming him. This is why I don’t like him lying to himself because I’ve seen it before. I just know one day, he’ll really fall if keeps lying to himself. And I was right.” Donghyuk let out a deep sigh before he felt a hand resting on his shoulder.

“Junhoe doesn’t know how to concede with himself. He confuses himself with his yearning to anger. He is blinded by his hurt, he can’t see what he truly wants.”

“I really hurt him, Donghyuk-ah. Junhoe used to be so…bright and positive. Always so honest and caring. I feel so stupid for turning Junhoe into this.” Jinhwan unconsciously held Junhoe’s heart while his thumb caressed the back of his palm.

“You know what, hyung. I want you both to stop blaming yourselves and take a step forward. Everybody gets hurt. Everyone’s been left behind and broken. But that doesn’t mean we have to be trapped in the past and the pain. And I think, this time I made Junhoe into this.” Donghyuk softly uttered his last sentence.

Jinhwan’s brows quirked and he confusedly looked at Donghyuk. “Why do you say that?”

“I told him if he really wants you gone in his life, he just needs to tell me, and I will…fire you from the bar. After our talk, I think he debated himself about it. He was always silent at work, even in our apartment. We barely talked after that. Maybe it put some stress on him that’s why he drained himself until he fell.”

The older gently squeezed Donghyuk’s arm feeling sorry and guilty for blaming himself instead of him.

“Don’t say that. None of this is your fault. I thought we should stop the blaming game now?” Jinhwan forced a faint smile to cheer Donghyuk.

The younger loudly sighed and brought Jinhwan closer to him as a side hug. “I’m sorry. Well, you’re here to take care of him, so I think he’ll be fine now.”

“Thank you, Donghyuk-ah…for letting me take care of him.”

“From now on, you should really take care of him. He can be a pain in the ass sometimes.” Donghyuk teasingly whispered on Jinhwan’s ear which made the latter jeered.

“I know.” Jinhwan responded and smiled at Junhoe.

“Can you stay here for the night? I’ll just check on the bar.” Donghyuk inquired to which Jinhwan gladly accepted.

After some farewells, Jinhwan was finally left with Junhoe. He just took his time to watch Junhoe sleeping while he felt something heavy in his chest. Seeing Junhoe in his current state makes him feel all the guilt creeping in him. He is reflecting on why he left Junhoe behind without even giving the chance to clear things out. They could have spent those 5 years differently. They wouldn’t be hurting right now. Even if he wanted to believe everyone’s words to him, all he could blame for everything is himself. He suddenly felt frustration over how stupid he was 5 years ago. He wanted to punch himself, begged Junhoe to come back to him again, but he knew he’ll need to do better than that.

He caressed Junhoe’s hand with his both hands and brought it on his lips. He planted a soft kiss on Junhoe’s hand and placed it to rest on his cheeks.

“I’m sorry, Junhoe-ya. I’m really sorry.” He softly uttered. He could feel the water forming in the corner of his eyes already.

“If only I could go back to that day, I should have hugged you and said thank you instead of thinking bad about you and left. I was wrong to judge you because of what happened. I knew you’re not that kind of person, but I let my fear took over me. I ruined our relationship. I ruined you. I ruined…us.” A lone tear finally escaped from his eye. He held on Junhoe’s hand tightly but careful not to wake the latter up. “I want to take away all your pain, Junhoe-ya. If only I could do that. I already caused too much of it. I want you to stop hurting yourself now. I want you to be happy again, Junhoe-ya even if it’s not with me. Just please…stop hurting now.”

Jinhwan extended his right hand and caressed Junhoe’s hair. “I miss seeing your smile. Please take care of yourself. Hmm?” He softly said.

Jinhwan carefully put Junhoe’s hand back on the bed and tucked it under the blanket. He then prepared for a cold water in a small basin and a towel, so he could help Junhoe’s temperature to subside. He soaked the towel in the water, wrung it, and gently tapped it on Junhoe’s forehead. He started to clean Junhoe’s face, his neck, and both his arms. He wrung the towel on the water again, and before putting it on Junhoe’s forehead, he couldn’t help himself but softly pecked on it. He knew he shouldn’t do it. But he felt like, his chest was about to explode.

“It hurts so much knowing I might never have you back. Was I too late? Will I ever pull you back again? I love you so much to the point that it hurts…” Jinhwan felt a tear fall on his cheek again, so he quickly brushed it away.

He was about to turn his back on the bed when he felt a hand grab him weakly. He slowly turned his head and saw Junhoe’s hand holding his. His gaze travelled to Junhoe who still had his eyes half-opened.

“D-Don’t go.” Junhoe faintly uttered. It was almost inaudible, but Jinhwan’s heart heard those words loud and clear.

“J-Junhoe-ya…” He carefully turned his body to front Junhoe while holding his hand. “I’m here…I’m not leaving you.”

“D-Don’t leave me, Nani…” Junhoe whispered.

Jinhwan wasn’t sure when did he start crying, but he could feel the flowing of his tears on his cheeks. He leaned down to Junhoe and caressed his head again. “I’m here, Junhoe-ya. I’m not going anywhere.”

Jinhwan saw Junhoe weakly closed his eyes after his words, but he was surprised when two palms cupped his cheeks, and the next thing he knew, his lips were already touching Junhoe’s. He could feel his thumping heart, but he slowly closed his eyes and feel the gentle kiss they are sharing. He can’t stop his tears from falling, yet he couldn’t also pull himself back up. He knew Junhoe is sick and probably doesn’t know what he’s doing right now, but his heart just helplessly gets lost at the moment.

He felt Junhoe break from the kiss, and their eyes finally met – a few inches away they could feel each other’s breath. Jinhwan never expected the next words that came out of Junhoe’s mouth.

“I love you, Nani…”

\--

_“Yah! Koo Junhoe. I don’t want to watch anymore!” Jinhwan whined while covering his face with the sofa pillow._

_They were alone in the living room watching a horror movie that Junhoe insisted to do since it was a weekend and they decided to just chill at home._

_“Hyung, we haven’t even reached half of the movie. Stop covering your eyes and watch it.” Junhoe was trying to remove the pillow away from Jinhwan’s grip to which the older resisted._

_“You know too well I don’t like to watch it.”_

_“You lost the bet. So, I got to choose what movie to watch. Come on!” Junhoe continued to tease and used his force to remove the cover from Jinhwan’s eyes._

_He blurted out in laughter when he saw Jinhwan shut his eyes so firmly now that he didn’t have anything to cover his eyes. Junhoe found happiness in teasing his scared boyfriend because he looked so cute when frightened._

_“Junhoe-ya, stop it!” Jinhwan opened his eyes but immediately glared at Junhoe, trying his best to avoid the screen that showed scary graphics. He wanted to punch his boyfriend when he saw him laughing at him._

_“I’m not watching anymore!” He pulled away from Junhoe and stormed off heading to the kitchen._

_“Baby, come on!” Junhoe said in between his laugh and immediately stood up to catch Jinhwan, this time he wrapped his arms around Jinhwan’s waist from the back._

_“No. You can watch alone. I’ll find something to eat.” Jinhwan calmed down and tried to break loose from Junhoe’s arms._

_“Haha! Okay, fine. I’ll stop the movie.” Junhoe muffled on Jinhwan’s shoulder. The latter discreetly smiled under his breath knowing how Junhoe always compromise for him and for that thought, he felt warm in his chest._

_“Just don’t go. Don’t leave me alone.” The younger added while still clinging on Jinhwan. The latter heard the sudden change of tone from Junhoe which became more serious, so he fronted his boyfriend with a confused look._

_“Ya…I’m here. I’ll just get some snacks. I’m not going anywhere.” Even Junhoe’s face turned serious all of a sudden. “Are you okay?”_

_The tall guy slowly smiled and replied, “I love you, Nani.”_

_Jinhwan should be used to his boyfriend telling him those words already. But he would always get butterflies every time he heard it from Junhoe._

_“I know. You always tell me that, how can I not know?” Jinhwan pinched Junhoe’s nose which made the younger flinched a little, but he tightened the embrace even more and looked straight at Jinhwan’s eyes._

_“I’ve never wanted anything or anyone to stay in my life. You’re the first.” Junhoe slowly leaned down to plant a soft kiss on Jinhwan’s forehead which only sent warmth on the smaller guy’s heart._

_Jinhwan felt weak on his knees so he pulled Junhoe for a hug this time. He didn’t know Junhoe’s words could trigger some tears to form in the corner of his eyes. They’ve been together for quite some time and he only felt happy with Junhoe. His lover would only make him happy and protect him even if he didn’t tell him to. That moment, he questioned himself again of what he did to deserve the kind of love Junhoe was giving him._

_“I love you, Junhoe-ya.” Those were always the easiest words he could say to Junhoe. He didn’t always tell those words to the younger, but it seemed like those were the only words he could easily respond to the person who made him the happiest._

\--

Junhoe felt lethargic on his head while trying to open his heavy eyes. An Unfamiliar ceiling greeted him with a cool temperature creeping in his skin. He scrunched his nose and forehead to ease his aching head but saw Donghyuk at the side of his bed looking at his phone screen.

“W-Where am I?” He inquired at Donghyuk.

“Oh, you’re finally awake. How are you feeling? Are you okay, now?”

Junhoe was a little confused but he tried to remember the events that led him to lay on a hospital bed. His eyes were also scanning the room as if they were looking for something…or…

“Are you looking for someone? I am the only one here.” Donghyuk butted in when he noticed Junhoe’s gesture.

“What? No. I’m just looking at the room which is obviously not mine.” He defended.

“You must be dreaming. I heard you call out his name few times.” Donghyuk smiled at him.

_A dream…_ The little voice in his head said.

“No, I’m not.” He denied but the scene where he brought Jinhwan’s face on him and kissed him suddenly played in his head. He then started to wonder why a flashback visited him in his dream and out of all the flashbacks, why that one.

“You’re literally unconscious, how would you know? So, are you really okay now?” Donghyuk asked the last sentence with worry in his voice.

“Hmm…I just needed some sleep, I guess.” Junhoe said with a hoarse voice. He felt the dryness of his throat which only means he slept for he doesn’t know how many hours.

“How about the bar? Did you close it? Why are you here?” Junhoe added.

“It’s obviously morning, Junhoe-ya. So, we’re already close. Don’t worry and just take your time to rest. Do you want to eat anything?”

“Oh, just…anything.” He said and find the comforts of his bed at his back this time.

“Okay, I’ll get you something and I’ll ask the doctor when you can be discharged.” Donghyuk slightly patted him on the should with a smile before making his way to the door.

But before his friend reached the door, he asked something even himself didn’t expected.

“Did he…come last night?” It was too late for him to retract what he just asked when Donghyuk turned and fronted him.

His friend tried to mask the smile on his face by Junhoe’s question but as he promised he just replied, “No. Why would he when he is in Jeju?”

“Nevermind. I did not ask.” Junhoe felt a little prick on his chest, feeling a little disappointed at his friend’s answer.

He heard the door closed before he let out a deep sigh.

_“So, it was all just a dream…”_


End file.
